Becoming Human

Adoption - 6 Months Later

2012-02-11T00:53:00.000-08:00

Should I say, "six months already?!" or "it's only been six months?!" I think the latter is more true. Sofie belongs with us. She always has. She is a part of us and I can't imagine life with out her. We had our first adoption check up on Tuesday with a social worker from the agency. It went well. Jon keeps making fun of me because I cleaned my house like I had OCD for the social worker to inspect and she didn't even look around! She just asked questions about Sofie's development. I'm just going to talk for a moment about my experience and feelings over the past 6 months. I'll give you an update on Sofie around the 15th when she has actually been home for 6 full months.

In looking over the past 6 months, I've learned a lot, changed, grown, been enlightened and developed a whole list of new worries and personal issues :) Adoption is amazing but so very hard, and I say this thinking that I have had it pretty easy. So many people thought we were choosing the hard road because Sofie has Down Syndrome. This is just not the case. If anything her DS, innocence, love and openness has made this transition easier on everyone.

I remember meeting her for the first time and been so completely enamored with the frail little bird that cautiously explored and ate up our attention. When we got home, things got real. The first two months were hard. So. Very. Hard. I was sleep deprived, most new parents are, and felt very alone. I was walking down a road very little people had any experience with. No one could give me the answers that I needed and I discredited those that tried because of their inexperience. I didn't know how to separate Sofie's orphanage/adoption issues from her natural delays with having DS. Even the doctors and professionals we saw seemed to dismiss possible adoption issues and figured everything had to do with delays associated with DS.

I remember, in those first few weeks, wondering what I had done... I felt "I had brought violence in to my home". Sofie hit, pulled hair, threw things and scratched to the point where she made me cry from pain a few times. I saw no end. No cure to the behavior. I was scared for the harm that the "violence" would bring to Livi and I wondered how much I could take before I lashed out. It was a dark few weeks.

Thankfully, that's all it was. A few weeks. One day, I began to realize how much less Sofie was pulling hair and throwing things. She was relaxing. Realizing we were safe. She doesn't have to defend against or attack us. I saw hope again! Once we all made it through those first two months of no sleep, panic and distress, we started finding solutions and relaxing. I've said it before... we LITERALLY saw Sofie's entire being relax and come out of the tight little shell it was trapped in.

I had the maternal instinct early on that the issues Sofie was facing had way more to do with the neglect and trauma she experienced in the orphanage setting rather than DS, so I approached them all like that. I understood her difficulty going to sleep as this was the first time she had been out of the walls of the orphanage and she was too scared to relax and sleep. I saw her hitting as the only defense she knew how to use against other children and adults. I saw her quiet, calmness in new overstimulating situations as her inability to cope because she had never been stimulated in the orphanage. She just shut down and inward. It was so sad to see but followed her lead, tried to give her the support she needed, and stayed close.

It'a been a hard balance to give Sofie the extra attention she needed and give Livi the attention that she needed. I still struggle with this balance. Livi goes through moments still of wanting to be babied like Sofie. Livi regressed in her own development when we first brought Sofie home and it took a frustrating few months to get a handle on proper toileting again! Bedtime for Livi is still a battle. And don't even get me started on the attitude! I can't blame that on bringing Sofie home though :)

With Sofie it is hard to know how much to push her independence and how much to still baby her for attachment reasons. She doesn't love being babied but giving her independence usually ends in such a huge mess! She has begun attaching to us but is still very non-discriminate about who else she goes to. She will come back to Jon and I but rarely looks for us in a crowd. She does recognizes us and is happy to see us though. She comes to us for nurturing and occasionally asks for us if she is with some one else for a few minutes. We still have only left her for a few minutes at a time with her Marmee and one evening at Christmas with my sister. Looking forward to a date night one day!

I love my girls. I love the journeys I have been on with both of them. I feel pretty confident most of the time with parenting Livi. Like I know what I am doing... at least to a point. With Sofie, I feel like I am in such new waters. Most of the time, she is just my darling daughter. I see her more as an 18 month old more than a three year old. I think she is somewhere between 12 - 18 months developmentally. I don't think about her being adopted or worry about her having Down Syndrome... except in rare moments.

I find those moments happen more when I'm in public or talking to acquaintances or strangers about my family. I am so proud of my family. All of them and their unique journeys and gifts. But people don't understand us... or at least me. When I get asked how old Sofie is, I usually answer with the truth, "She's actually 3." Then I feel like I need to explain why she is so small or enlighten them about certain unattached behaviors they are commenting on. I hate people thinking that she is so tiny just because she has DS. She was malnourished and neglected so she didn't grow. Or that she is so quiet and calm in new surroundings because she is an angel. She is actually emotionally shutting down and inwardly freaking out because she can't process everything and she's scared. And I'd hate for people to think that hitting, rocking, throwing, eating issues, being overly friendly and explorative with new people and having unattached issues are typical for people with DS. These all stem from being in an institution for over 3 years.

I want people to know her story, our story, but I don't like myself always telling people that she was adopted. Does this make sense? I don't want her or Livi to grow up hearing me tell everyone she was adopted. That could just cause a bunch of other issues. Maybe this is just the stage that I am walking through and it is a good thing I'm going through it while she is still young. As she grows and attaches, I hope I won't feel the need to explain her size and different behaviors. I also hope people won't assume things just because she has DS. This is completely my issue and I don't really know where it is coming from. Do I feel extra defensive and protective for some reason? Am I feeling judged and guarded? Why? I generally don't worry about what other's think to much.

Although this journey has been so difficult, there are immeasurable things to celebrate! It's been two years since we started this journey to Sofie and now we get to celebrate her being home with us for six months already! I'll fill you in on all the things I celebrate about our little monkey in the next post and hopefully have some commemorative pictures for you!

Pages

2012-02-03T22:24:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to draw your attention to the top right hand corner where I have all my blog pages. I just wrote Sofie's birth story tonight and added it. There is also mine and Jon's story of how we met and fell in love :) I wrote it in 7 parts while I was waiting for Livi to be born. It's long. Then of course I have Livi's birth story, our adoption journey details and a little bit about me :)

Update

2012-01-30T21:28:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update post...

1. Livi is entering her second week of preschool and loving it. Tomorrow they are going on a field trip to the library of the school they are next too for story time. She is pretty excited.

2. Is it normal for a three year old girl to have the emotional stability of a PMSing 14 year old girl, who is also bi-polar? She is very good at keeping us up to the moment on her ever changing moods and can articulate it very well. We have had to learn how to stifle our snickers at her "evil eyes". It is epic.

3. Sofie's appointments have started. We have heard back from and scheduled all but two of the doctor appointments we had been waiting for as well as therapy and funding appointments. This week is crazy busy... Family doctor, Dentist (for Jon), Social Worker for respite money, music class, Special O phone meeting, Speech Therapy, and beginning of next week is our first 6 month adoption check-in! Within the next three months we go to Children's at least once, try getting some of Sofie's dental work done, speak with a dietitian, get her eyes, hearing, and possible sleep apnea checked on as well as get a few x-ray's and immunizations! I'm sure more stuff will come up too. Wow, I was warned about all the appointments but this seems crazy!

4. My lifestyle change has been going really well! I just started my 3rd week which means I got to introduce carbs again! But it also meant I started working out. First time I've been intentional with my exercise in about 2 years. It wasn't as bad as I was expecting. Livi woke up from her nap and did the yoga part with me. It was so cute. A couple of the moves I couldn't do for long enough and I had to stop for a quick break. Livi would lay down beside me and say "This is such hard work for me too!" My three year old daughter kicked my ass at yoga but I maintain that I had better form! The really good news about these past two weeks is that I am 14 lbs lighter! Horray! I've already noticed my clothes fitting better. I measured my inches twice but they were both way off so I think I'm measuring wrong. I think I am 2-4 inches down in my waist and thighs :) Wish me luck on the exercise portion!

Preschool

2012-01-24T22:37:00.000-08:00

Today was my baby's first day of preschool! Seriously? How can she be old enough to be going to preschool?

As we were preparing her for preschool we made the mistake to use it as the motivation for doing things by herself. We said things like "you need to go pee all by yourself if you want to go to preschool." Big mistake. It worked at first but then she decided it was too much pressure and she didn't want to go to preschool. We laid off for a few weeks and tried to reassure her that if she really needed help her teacher would be there to help. That still didn't fully satisfy her though.

Last night I sat her down and talked to her about how much fun she was going to have, how much her teachers and the kids where looking forward to seeing her, and how many new toys she was going to get to play with! She had a lot of anxiety about with which resulted in an unrelated meltdown. I was worried.

Even in the morning she was still saying no until I reassured her that I would stay as long as she wanted me too. That fixed everything! Why did I not explain that better in the beginning! Oops. I guess I can't be perfect all the time. She got excited and walked happily with Jon and I hand in hand!

Marmee stayed home with Sofie while I kept my attention on Livi. Jon had to go to work right away. Livi jumped in with both feet. She hung back close to me for about 30 seconds before taking off her backpack and jacket, switching her shoes and heading off to play. I hung back while she headed straight for the play-dough that was out. She checked back to make sure I was still there a few times but only about 20-30 minutes in I asked her if I could go home and check on Sofie and she said yes! No problem! She waved goodbye from the window and that was it.

When I picked her up, she had stories to tell. She said she had so much fun and that she wanted to go to preschool "again, and again, and again and again!" Yay! I love my big girl. I can't believe she is in preschool! Where did my baby go! I'm so proud of her though. She is growing up in to such a beautiful little lady :)

Lifestyle Change 12.0

2012-01-23T21:20:00.000-08:00

Confession: I watch Dr. Phil, regularly. I record it even and take his advice to heart.

So, I think it was November or December he did a show on the P.I.N.K. Method. It is a new weight loss program. I bought it. Literally, 5 minutes after I watched the show I went online and ordered it. I NEVER do that. I'm not the biggest impulse buyer and never off of TV.

Remember when I tried that Lifestyle change in the beginning of 2010? I had lost 15-20lbs on the gyms meal plan and working out, but then we started the adoption and my emotions ate and didn't exercise... as usual. Eventually, I gained the weight back. Well, I'm trying it again. No big family events are in the works. Nothing was planned in January 2010 either but here's hoping we have so "surprises"! ... at least for a little while.

I started the P.I.N.K. Method on January 16 and by the morning of the 20th I had lost 9lbs... in four days. It slowed down after that, I think mainly because I was retaining water before my period :) Now, at first I figured it was all just water weight but then I looked up. Usually, you only carry about 3-5 lbs of water weight a day and the reviews on this type of quick weight loss are the best for losing actual fat. So, I'm going with it. Today, after day 7, I'm 11 lbs lighter in total. Pretty happy about that.

There are a few great things that I'm loving about this plan which a lot of others lack. 1) There are no special pills, smoothies or weird packaged food involved. It is just lean protein and a hell of a lot of veggies for the first two weeks. Then I start doing the DVD work outs and get to eat slow-carbs again. 2) It is teaching me how to portion, what to eat to keep me full, and explaining it all... and it is working! I've never actually understood the whole calorie stuff and why. I'm learning :) 3) The SUPER great thing is my family is all eating what I'm eating... with some extra sauces or carbs but basically it is the same! No cooking two meals! I have a protein, fruit smoothie each morning that Livi is loving and Jon is glad that he is having to eat more veggies too! Plus, it is getting Sofie used to eating veggies better. She can't chew them raw yet but she is doing great with all the cooked veggies. This is teaching us all how to eat better!

I start the exercise next Monday and am a little worried about it. I'm not good with that part. I need to lose weight. I need to be healthier. I need to be a better example for my kids. So... I guess wish me luck, again.

5 Months!

2012-01-15T11:01:00.000-08:00

Sofie has been home for 5 months now! It seems like such a short amount of time but feels like she has been with us forever! We love her so much. She fits in perfectly! And I think we fit in pretty well in her world :)

We are all attached to her and she too us. Interesting she has attached to each of us quite differently. With Livi, I notice that she plays really well by her, much better than she does with other children. Sofie likes to play close to Livi and expects her to be close by. She goes to the toys Livi has been playing with. All common little sibling stuff. So awesome! She is pretty dependent on Livi for sleeping too. Not sure if this is a good thing but they share a room so I guess it is a natural progression of the attachment thing. With Jon, Sofie looks for rough housing. I suppose that is a typical Dad role! She is more chill with Jon too. She is calm with him... I can relate :) I'm generally more calm with him too. With me, she is needy. I love being needed by her, most of the time. She likes to be close to me and climbs all over me when we are home. When we are out she is starting to look back for me to make sure I am still around! This is huge by the way!

This past month Sofie had her first FAMILY Christmas! She was a little confused at times but went with the flow. She also had her first FAMILY vacation! We had a big family reunion in Mexico! Despite our worries that she would regress with her behaviors and eating patterns, she again blew down our expectations. Although she did revert to some of her old coping methods during travel, she progressed in other ways on the trip. She ate and drank wonderfully the whole week, enjoyed herself in the water and began saying "hi" much more consistently and clearer! Sofie started her music class again this past week. She was so excited! When she saw where we had pulled in to park she started screeching in her car seat! She did awesome her first class back. She has come such a long way and this class is such AMAZING therapy for her! She fully participated, did all the actions even though it was all new songs, moved her mouth in the shape of the words we where singing and has better rhythm than I do! Seriously. She is a dancer. You can't help but smile when you watch her. She also had her first experience in snow just a few days ago. She did not think much of it. She did not like it to much but did tolerate standing in it and watching us build a snow man.

As far as her development she continues to progress. She understands us almost completely even though she was ESL. She wasn't talking any Bulgarian words when we got her but this is still amazingly fast in my mind. She is a climber. I see broken bones in her future. She can get out of her crib despite her sleep sack. She can follow a few simple two step instructions, like "Pick that up and bring it to Mommy, gentle!" That one gets said a lot and comes after she throws something. She is throwing much less and only hits or pulls hair when she is over-tired or hungry which I try to be careful to not let her get. She is playing with things all time now and frequently even appropriately! Just this week she walked over to the toys in a waiting room, sat down and started playing with the doll house totally appropriately and by herself! No prompting! (Remember she had no idea how to play with anything besides throwing things in the beginning.)

She can say a few words now and they are coming out more often. "Up" and "Hi" are her most frequently used ones. "Mama" and "Nay, Nay" come out usually when she is more distressed over something. She can sort of say "Hello" but only with prompting. "Dada" is in her repertoire too. These last two weeks she has been making a ton of new sounds which I'm excited to see where they take us. Still waiting on a speech therapist appointment but I just learned that the health unit offers a free clinic once a month. I think I'll try to get her in there. She has about 15 solid ASL signs to communicate with and she is working on more. Jon and I should really take a class. Along side her speech development, her oral development is taking off! She has been putting things in her mouth a lot more! She pretends to be feeding herself with a cup and spoon from their kitchen set and has been eating markers!

We saw her pediatrician this past week for a follow up and to get some referrals. He said she is doing really great. We should finally be getting some referrals for a Cardiologist, Optometrist, Ears specialist (just to rule out any issues before we get in to speech therapy too much), Ped's Dentist and a dietician. She is now in the 5th percentile for weight. She is a whopping 24 pounds! Which matches her 5th percentile of height. She is just about 33 inches. She's gained over 5 lbs in the past 5 months but only grown 1.5 cm. Dr. PP was not concerned about the lack of growth "yet". He figures there is probably a lag because of so many years of malnutrition, but we are going to keep an eye on it.

Orthotics were recommended by her physiotherapist but not her Pediatrician. There is some debate as to what is causing her knock-knees. We have decided to go ahead with the orthotics, but wait to get them in the summer before she starts preschool, when she'll be wearing shoes a lot more.

I should go now since Sofie is sitting on the desk beside me using every bit of self-control she has not to touch the keyboard or screen. I've tortured her enough... time to play with my girls!

Mexico - Second Half

2012-01-08T10:58:00.001-08:00

***Days 1-4 are in the post from yesterday. Just scroll down!***

Day 5-

Today was the day we'd been tellingLivi about all week! The weather was back to being really hot andsunny so we spent the morning by the pool again. After an early lunchand a rest we headed off to take the girls to swim with a dolphin!Livi was so excited! So was I!

We just did the short encounter totouch it and see a few tricks. That was more than enough for Sofie.Gramma came along and when Sofie got really freaked out they sat onthe edge watching and clapping for us! We did bring Sofie back in forthe photo op, even with her complaining. I think the cold water andthe big fish was a little too much for her. She did pretty goodthough but wouldn't touch it. Livi LOVED it. She fed the dolphin twofish, pet it, and hugged it. She wouldn't let it kiss her though. Shelaughed her head off when they did their jumps while she was in thewater! I got to swim out in to the deeper water and hold thedolphin. It was so cool. We got kissed by a sea lion after wards too!Kind of wet and slimy.

Waiting to touch them!

A passing Sea Lion!

Swimming with the Dolphin!

I do have to put in a small plug on howbad the treatment of these animals are. I am more aware of how bad us humans are toanimals thanks to my veggie mom and vegan brother! It was a very cool experience to be that close to thedolphins but it was unnatural. The dolphins had scratches and markson their skin from being in too small pools and bumping in to thingsor each other. They had numerous dolphins and sea lions but I did noteven see a hope of a good facility for them. They are made to preformall day. Although they are social animals, it felt wrong. I loved theexperience of seeing my girls' faces but these animals are mostdefinitely suffering.

Dinner couldn't come fast enough thenoff to bed! Sofie took a while to fall asleep and Livi was having arough night. She fell and scraped her knee 4 times today. You shouldhave seen her milking it as she hobbled over and could “barely”walk. I'm so ready for bed now. Good night!

Day 6 -

Sofie had been awake for a long time,very early in the morning. Because she can easily climb out of herplaypen, and does regularly, I couldn't go to sleep until she wasasleep again. This did not make for a happy mommy in the morning. Assoon as Livi woke up, I got Jon to quietly take the her to breakfastand let me and Sofie sleep in. Sofie slept until almost 9am and thenwe had breakfast.

After breakfast we went to the beachfor the last time. It was so much fun. We were there for the rest ofthe morning. I went body surfing! So Much Fun! I seriously loved it.I caught lots of waves and got thrown around a few times too. Onewave actually felt like it slammed a rock on to my shoulder blade. Iwonder if I'll get a bruise! Jon went out while I stayed with thegirls and Gramma on the beach. After watching the waves die down Idecided it might be fun to take Livi out there and have her try. Thewaves had been consistently quiet for a long time. As soon as I gotout there with her though 4 huge ones came! They were well over myhead! Seriously bad timing. Then they were quiet again. The damagehad been done. I'm sure Livi will never go in the ocean again. BadMommy.

Getting buried!

Getting some rest in her bed.

The Goober awakes!

When we realized how late it was werinsed off and headed for lunch, then all had much needed showers.Livi and Jon had a nap and since I figured Sofie wasn't going tosleep anyway, I strapped her in the stroller to head to watch afamily game tournament that was happening. As soon as it was over andI walked around a bit Sofie fell asleep! Horray! I think I'll betrying the same thing tomorrow since she slept for an hour. I sat amade a thank-you card for Grandma and Grandpa who paid for thiswonderful trip then we went to find Livi and Jon. Livi had slept for2.5 hours today which is unheard of! It felt so good to be expectinghappy kids today and not have to be dreading the evening!

The four of us hung out in our room alittle before Livi and I did a little shopping before dinner. It wasa Mexican Fiesta night so all the restaurants were decked out. Thefood tonight was the best, by far and they had Jamaican Water whichSofie and I both LOVED. I hope there wasn't alcohol in it :) She ateso much that her stomach was protruding! It isn't hard to do on herlittle body. We cut her off. Some Mexican dancers and mariachis camethrough the restaurant. Both girls were laughing and clapping. Therewere vendors set out in the main area to do a bit of looking around.(As well as another tour group offering cow rides and pictures on it.Cows aren't meant to ride?! The cow had a fresh cut he had gottenduring transport to the resort and was obviously drugged. It made mesick. I wanted to cry. I think the treatment of animals for touristsis pretty appalling here.)

Fiesta!

Because of their naps they went tosleep a little later but fell asleep relatively easily. Now it is myturn. Goodnight again! It was a pretty good day!

Day 7 -

The kids woke up shortly after 7am. Waytoo early for our liking but there was no going back to sleep forthem. We went and had an early breakfast then sat at a baroverlooking the waves for a little bit. The kids were exceptionallygrumpy so we decided to head back to the room for some down time. Wefound Monsters Inc on TV so that gave the down time Livi needed. Itwas in Spanish but Livi didn't seem to mind. That was the first timethe TV was on all week!

We went to the pool for a little whilebefore checking out the Iguana feeding. They put out food for thewild Iguana's that hang around so the tourists can check it out. Itwasn't as exciting as it sounds. Or maybe we left before the realaction started. We just watched one big guy keep a few of the smallerones away by chasing them. One little guy got some fruit though!There were tons of Iguanas in the trees above but maybe they weren'thungry yet.

Watching the Iguanas

Eating

We went too our rooms after lunch, fora quick nap. At 3 pm we had a big family picture and got the onepicture of all four of us together all week! Then was the anniversaryparty for the family. We got to come to Mexico for this reunionbecause it is Grandpa and Grandma's 60^th weddinganniversary this year, as well as the 25^th anniversary ofthe family business! We celebrated with some thank-you's and a giftexchange, since it is our Christmas gathering. Sofie did wonderfuland slept for us for part of the party!

The Bartel's

The Bartel's Extended!

The girls naps gave them enough energyto stay up late and attend at least part of the family dinner at oneof the reserved restaurants. We had a small dinner at 6pm to hold thegirls over until their second meal at 8. Livi didn't last too long into her second meal and actually chose to go to bed instead of staywith the family... miracles never cease! Jon stayed back with Sofie,who had a late nap and was happy and rearing to go! They justreturned and now Jon is putting Sofie to sleep. I should get to bedsince tomorrow is going to be a long day of travel... Wish us luck!

Beautiful girls!

So cool

Going Home Again -

Our bus didn't leave until 11:30am so we had a relaxed morning. Breakfast, finished packing, then sat around the bar for one last drink!

Traveling is always stressful, particularly with kids... and Jon :) Actually Jon wasn't so bad. Neither were the kids. They did great on the plane again. They were both a lot more grumpy this time but there was an hour delay! Lisa and Tony sat with us and helped out SO much with the kids! Thanks guys! Livi was talking about how much she loved you the next morning :)

Sofie did have an epic meltdown once we were off the plane. She was extremely tired, hungry and overstimulated. She didn't want to be held through customs but because it was a chartered flight they didn't have our stroller waiting for us. She threw a fit like she did on the way home from Bulgaria. I felt terrible for her. We made it though. I found some puffs to subdue her while we were waiting for our luggage. She fell asleep pretty quickly in the car. My wonderful sister came to pick us up!

Getting Sofie to sleep once we got home at 9:30pm was another epic meltdown. Jon was successful though! We did no unpacking. I caught up with my sister's and mom instead! My mom had done some extra dishes that I had not had time to do and vaccuumed my living room! I love my mommy :) It was so nice to be in my own home and bed with the girls sleeping soundly, but it is so much colder hear!!!

Mexico - First Half

2012-01-08T10:57:00.000-08:00

Day 1 -

We started out bright and early on the31^st at 4am to catch a 6:55am flight. Thankfully, myhusband has a wonderful job with perks that allowed us to get a roomat the airport Fairmont hotel for a crazy good price! We stayed therefor the night so we didn't have to get the kids up any earlier thanwe needed to. So glad we did this by the way!

The girls did A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.! It was a5 hour flight and they were great! Livi had a few grumpy spells butno melt downs all day! Sofie even had an hour nap on the plane! Yay!I was sure she would be up the whole time. Funny what a littlesecurity and love will do for a kid :) She was ridiculouslyoverstimulated by all the travel. I haven't seen her rock that muchsince the first few weeks we had her but she coped and even dependedon us to help her cope a bit! She obviously felt safe enough to sleepthis time! She was smiles the whole way except when we where walkingthrough the airports and had to hold her. She didn't like that. Whenwe got to the resort Jon stayed in the room with her to give her somedown time and she was ready to go for the evening.

On the plane

On the bus

I took Livi swimming right away and I'msure she is going to live there for the entire week. There is a kidspool right outside our room (just past the bar for Mommy!) that isabout 2 feet deep and she is totally safe in it. I can hang out onthe side tanning (and drinking)! There was tons of food for dinner atthe buffet we went too and the kids went to bed soon after! Our roomhas a door separating us from Jon's mom's room which is perfect forputting the girls to sleep. We put them down and now I'm in Mom'sroom, with the in-between door open, typing and watching TV!

I don't think I'm going to even try tostay up until midnight so Happy New Year everyone! Thanks for being apart of our community this past year! I can't wait to see what thisyear brings for us and all of you!

Day 2 -

Today started nicely with everyonewaking up around 8am. We went for breakfast then took the girls tothe beach for what, I'm ashamed to admit, was both of their firsttimes! (I know, a tragedy since we live on the west coast.) It was sofun to hear their delighted screams as each wave hit their feet.Sofie LOVED it and kept signing for more and more and more! Livi, ofcourse was covered in sand as soon as we set foot on the beach. Shewas delighted. Her Gramma took her in to the waves a bit too. Sheclung on for dear life but had fun! She was wearing a life jacket,don't worry! Sofie and I sat at on the beach enjoying each wave washup on to our legs. She squealed with delight too... after the initial“what the heck is this?”

Sandy

I love these feet!

Holding on to Daddy for "safety"

My loves.

Having way too much fun!

We went to a bit of a familymeeting/church service and then had lunch. Jon's mom has been awesomeand helping us every step of the way with anything we need for thekids! I recommend travelling with a Grandma on every family vacation!Livi thoroughly enjoyed all her “Big Girl” drinks that looked alot like adult drinks all day :) I even had to taste the differenceonce because they were both pink and I needed to make sure I wasn'thanding her the drink with tequila in it!

After lunch Jon took Sofie for a napand I took Livi back to the pool. She could live in the pool. I hadone moment of sadness when I watched a pair of Grandpas, who happenedto each have special needs sons, be really sweet with their owngrandsons and Livi. I couldn't help but shed a small tear wishingJon's dad was here to play with his two grand-babies. He would havemade such an EXCELLENT Grandpa. He should have been here.

I also watched Livi try to makefriends. It was so hard not to step in and help her out. There wasanother family with girls who were all older than her. They had eachother to play with so I watched Livi follow them around and try tostart a conversation a few times but get shot down. When the oldergirls left she did make friends with the younger girl and played forquite awhile. After they left she tried to befriend a few other kidswho didn't speak English. Despite her best efforts “Hi! My name isLivi. What is your name?”, they were confused. It is hard watchingyour kid trying to make friends! I don't think her feelings got hurtor anything but she just didn't know what to do and she was trying sohard. I'm not entirely sure what is age appropriate here but, man! itis so difficult to be a mom sometimes!

I went back to the room to check on Jonwith Sofie and have a short nap. Jon went out and hang out with Livi.I think she was in the pool for a good 3 hours. We finally made hercome out when her teeth were chattering :) She was not happy aboutit. Jon and her had a shower and then some quiet time. Sofie woke upshortly after. I miss calculated the time though. She had a late napand slept until after 5. We are two hours ahead here and I thought itwas 3pm.

Dinner at sunset

We went for dinner overlooking thebeach at sunset. Life doesn't get better than that people! SinceSofie was rearing to go, we got to got to Opa's slide show that wasbeing held after their bed time. He likes to provide picture slideshows for each family reunion and this year was no exception. Thisyear was pretty funny though. There was a lack of pictures theyoungest daughter before she was at least 30, while there whereprobably over 50 pictures of the oldest son! Our wedding pictureswere missing but there were numerous pictures of Livi and one ofSofie to make up for it, while numerous grand-kids were missing! Itmade me laugh. I was super impressed by Opa's new-found ability to use power point though! Ithink that makes it up there with my Grandma on Facebook!

The kids were so tired and went tosleep, nearly right away! Now I'm sipping my third pina colada in thelast hour, listening to my husband's synopsis of “Bonk - TheCurrious Coupling of Science and Sex” by Mary Roach, waiting for amassage. Pretty sure my life is awesome.

Update- It is 10:30pm. A little impjust closed the door on us. We would have been locked out if Jon hadnot had a key on him. I ran in through the front door to find a veryproud, naked Sofie. My kids are awesome. Sofie had got out of herplaypen, taken off her clothes and come to close the door.... ohwait.... that was two times! The second time she was a ninja and didit silently with Jon in the room! Okay, bed time now.

Day 3 -

Well it was a rough night but the girlsslept in. We met Lisa and Tony for breakfast then joined most of ourimmediate family at the beach for fun! Livi was, of course, drenchedin sand the moment we stepped foot on it. My goodness that girl hadfun! Gramma and I took Livi in to the waves and she had a blast beingthrown around by them. She was even able to handle them herself inthe really, really shallow part. I took Sofie in a little too andalthough she loved feeling it on her legs, that was a far as shewanted to go!

Joy

Waiting for the waves!

We went back for some showers to tryand get out the bucket of sand that has laid a beach in Livi's curls.Then we met up with our immediate family and Opa and DD/Grandpa andGrandma for lunch. Each family has a day to hang out with Grandma andGrandpa and today was our day so we did our meals with them.

Enjoying her Pink Panther

The afternoon was spent pool side! Thekids, of course, loved it. Sofie is getting to be a real Pro in thewater! She walked around the entire kiddie pool all by herself, withGramma close behind. She has even started to venture out in to theopen middle waters where she isn't holding on to anything. A lot ofthe time she sits on the side with her feet splashing in the waterthough. Uncle Tony and Auntie Lisa came and hung out at the pool fora while as well the youngest cousin (13 years old) who Livi is lovingplaying with!

Playing with Gramma at the pool!

Happiness

She found a seat... or a toilet.

That evening, after dinner with Opa andDD and once the girls were settled and sleeping, Mom/Gramma offeredto stay in the room with the girls so Jon and I could go out on adate! We ended up walking around visiting a little and looking atsome of the vendors that set up shops in the main areas in theevening at first. We found a bar overlooking the ocean and had a fewdrinks and a lovely chat before going for a romantic, moonlit strollon the beach! Heaven :)

Day 4-

It was a little overcast today butstill very warm and muggy. The only thing the lack of sun changed wasthe temperature of the pools. They weren't warmed up for us by theafternoon! We took our time with breakfast and did let Livi in thecold pool. She wasn't as eager this morning either but still had fun!Sofie went in a little but mostly just chilled on the side with us.We needed a down day.

Waking Daddy up!

Sofie has only napped once since beinghere and that is because I got the time mixed up and let her napuntil 5:30pm the second day. Quiet times have been helping though.Vacationing with kids is not nearly as relaxing as I wish! I justwant to sleep and relax but I'm always on the move. I'm loving seeingthe joy on their faces though. Although Sofie's sleeping has sufferedit is not terrible. We were expecting some side effects. Otherwiseshe is as happy as can be! Lots of laughter and playing! She iseating and drinking really well too! Livi hasn't been terribleeither. She is a little bossy and has a lack of manners due toeveryone just doing anything and everything for her, but that is whatfamily who doesn't see her much is supposed to do, right!

Movie star

That evening I went out to a cousingathering while Jon stayed in the room. It is hard to not be able togo to everything that is planned and since we are the only ones withkids people don't always think about the timings of things. Tonightworked out though. Jon wanted some alone time to read while the kidswere sleeping and I got to go and drink with the cousins! It wasquite epic. I witnessed what happens when you take a bunch ofconservatively raised kids and let them loose at an all-inclusive inMexico! I also got to have an inebriated yet enlightening and needed conversation with Jon's brother. I think we had to be inebriated inorder to finally say what needed to be said. I'm hoping some moreconversations come out of that involving more family members andmaybe even some inebriated family counselling!

A Year In The Life Of...

2012-01-08T08:12:00.000-08:00

***This was supposed to post while I was away and it didn't for some reason. So here it is now!***

This year has been a momentous one to say the least!

January started with the excitement of just having got the proposal for Sofie! Livi had started ballet and was loving gymnastics too! I had done my last shift at the group home I was working at and became a full time stay at home mom!

February marked the one year anniversary of starting the adoption process! We were still waiting for the legal referral from the MOJ and hoping it wouldn't take as long as it seemed to be. It also held Jon's 30th birthday! We celebrated in Vancouver where it snowed! A lot!

March finally brought Sofie's official legal proposal which we eagerly signed to accept adopting her! My best friend had her first baby boy who I still haven't met other than on skype. I began Lent where I gave up sugar and meat. It went really well. I also got to confirm Sofie's legal new name on World Down Syndrome Day!

April finally broke Livi of her soother habit! I was so happy :) Livi wrote her name all by herself. I was so proud. We also had an emotional 3rd birthday celebration for Sofie with out her. We had hoped to be much closer to bringing her home than we were.

May was a quieter month. We continued hoping for adoption news and enjoying Livi growing up. Jon and I also got to go on a little babymoon! A night at a fancy hotel in Vancouver, a fancy dinner, window shopping and we bought a new car!

June was a very exciting month. We got word that we could expect court this month! Livi did her first performance on stage at her ballet recital! She did so good. We got some disappointing news that the although court had happened, the judge wanted more legal papers. This might have taken 4 weeks but the scanned copies were enough! While on a wonderful family vacation we got word that the judge had granted the order! Sofie was legally our baby!

July held lots of planning and preparing for traveling to Bulgaria! We left at the end of the month!

August was filled with adventure! August 1 we met our baby. On the 4th we took her out of the orphanage! Jon and I celebrated our 7th anniversary, I had a birthday, and Livi had her 3rd birthday. We got to bring our baby home and reunite with Livi after 16 days. Our family of four was finally together. Our journey together finally started!

September was a little rough. We were all adjusting to our new family. Sofie was having DOING AMAZING but she still had a lot of changes to deal with seeing as she had never even been outside the walls of the orphanage. Livi was adjusting to having a sister who wanted to play with all her toys and too up so much of Mommy and Daddy's attention. Jon and I were figuring how to parent two kids while maintaining our sanity!

October things started settling down. We were all over the worst of the adjustments and loving each other a whole lot more! We continued learning the ropes and starting to figure out what the future was going to be looking like for appointments and school for the girls. We also said our final goodbyes to my Grandpa who passed away. It was hard to see him go but we know he is in a better, pain free place.

November held Sofie's first Emergency visit with a nasty bite to the tongue. She was a trooper through the stitches though! My baby sister's turned 25 and made me feel very old. I also bought a awesome sit n stand stroller! There was a lot of research that went in to figuring out which one would suit us so I was so excited to finally get it!!! I love it by the way.

December has been busy! We had tons of social gatherings, hosted and cooked for my extended family Christmas, hosted my immediate family Christmas and celebrated Sofie's first Christmas with her family!!! It was beautiful and fun! Jon also went back to work after enjoying 4 months off. He only had to go back for 2 weeks though, then he got two weeks vacation for Christmas and going to Mexico!

This is posting while we are in Mexico so I will update you all on that when I get home! I'm so excited to see where this next year takes our little family but I'm sure it will be exciting! I'll keep you posted as usual!

Have a fabulous New Year!!!

Christmas 2011

2011-12-24T10:18:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve's Eve marked our first Christmas of the weekend. We started the day off early with a family photo shoot for my mom. It had been about 5 or 6 years since my siblings and mom and Jon and I had had pictures together. It's also the first time in over three years all the family has been together! Three new members have joined the family since so it was time! We were planning this as my mom's Christmas present.

Then I took Livi to the clinic again because of her 4:30am coughing fit. We found out her mild infection that the doctor thought would go away became raging in one ear and invaded the other.

After naps we went to Jon's mom's house for a delicious and our only Christmas dinner with all the fixings! Gramma/Jon's mom makes a rice salad that is more of a desert and a favorite of everyone except Livi. Sofie had her first taste today and loved it! Her eyes got all big, she smiled and signed repeatedly for more! So cute. Sofie ate her weights worth of food and we all left the table amply stuffed. We got to open our presents then! A much loved gift card to my favorite clothing store for me and fancy leather gloves for Jon, along with some money for the family! The girls got spoiled as usual with books, clothes, a huge canister filled with play-doh, molds and tools, and play food for their kitchen set! This is perfect timing because just the same day we saw Sofie showing us her first pretend play skills using a bowl and spoon from the kitchen set! Both girls got pillow pets from their uncle Jeremy but the surprise favorite gift for Sofie was sunglasses! Her face lit up and she wasn't interested in unwrapping anything else after those!

Christmas Eve was a lazy day that we spent mostly in our pajama's. After a yummy taco dinner we headed off to church which the girls didn't do to badly at sitting through. It started off a little rough though. Then we drove around looking at the fabulous over the top Christmas houses marked on the tour route in our town. The best house had a projected Santa waving and peering through one of the windows. Livi screamed with glee and waved back! She was so excited the rest of the evening. She put out cookies and water for Santa as well as an orange for Rudolph. I didn't think she'd fall asleep very easily so I did give her a little melatonin! The best part of the evening was waking her up to the noises of Santa (Daddy) walking on the roof, saying "ho ho ho" and ringing jingle bells! When she came out of her groggy sleep and realized it was the reindeer and Santa she was hearing she was speechless. I wish had recorded her reaction. Her eyes were as wide as I had ever seen him and she screamed with delight at hearing the bells! It was priceless. Truly. We may be horrible parents for doing this though :)

Christmas morning was exciting! The girls climbed in to bed with us and waited "patiently" until we were ready to go check out the tree with them....

Livi was showing Sofie how the mix table worked!

Livi seeing her camera!

Auntie Sessa is a "special" kind of Auntie in her footsie pajama's

Little photographer in the making!

After we watched the girls open their gifts Jon and I exchanged ours. I gave him a bamboo hoodie that he asked for and he surprised me with a tattoo appointment :) I don't have a Sofie tattoo on my body yet :) We then went upstairs to my mom's place for Christmas #3! The girls, of course, got spoiled my Marmee and their Aunties and Uncle :) We enjoyed our tradition crepes breakfast together but there was some different opinions about what to have for dinner. One sister was adamant about having a turkey dinner when most of the rest didn't want to bother with cooking a full dinner and opted for pizza... so we had both! Those that wanted the turkey did the clean up :)

Left is turkey, right is pizza.

The dance party. Sean fell.

Dance machine.

Merry First Christmas Monkey!

It was really fun having everyone together. My family hasn't been all together in over 3 years! Although there are some underlining issues between some siblings from stuff that happened 3 years ago, everyone was laughing, talking, and seeming to have fun! Counseling has been our friend :) I know it did my mom's heart good to be a part of that too, finally!

Sibling Love.

Boxing day Livi and I ventured in to the malls. I won't do that again. I only bought two shirts because I was too overwhelmed with all the people! We went to visit my Grandma for lunch then went to a movie. We got home and took down the tree. I know it was early but I was worried it was contributing to Livi's ear infection some how. I also really wanted to get my living room and their toys back to organized order :) It was a busy day but a lovely big girls day out! Now to prepare for Mexico!!!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-21T21:10:00.000-08:00

Our Christmas celebrations will start on Friday so I thought I space out my posts and wish you all a

VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

This is the Christmas cards we sent out this year!

We are all trying to enjoy a quiet week at home re-cooperating. My cold turned in to a raging sinus infection with bronchitis to boot! I felt terrible by Tuesday so I went to the clinic first thing in the morning and got some intense meds. Both the doctor and pharmacist warned me that they were very strong. Jon worked from home on Tuesday and Wednesday to help me out with the girls. Tuesday I was pretty useless actually and he managed beautifully. Wednesday Jon was getting pretty stressed out and I was still pretty helpless. The girls were suffering from an extreme case of cabin fever. They hadn't been out of the house or gotten any exercise for three days while I've been sick. Because of this, they reached their peak of misbehaving and didn't nap. My kind brother willingly took them to the park for us! Yay for a brother home on vacation! Livi came home with coughing quite badly. She'd been sick with a cold as long as me but hers seemed to be getting slowly better. With the coughing we decided to take her to the doctors and get her checked for bronchitis too. It turns out she has a mild ear infection! The doctor thought she's at the end of it so opted against meds unless anything changes. We are a winning household! Did I mention my mom, upstairs, has bronchitis too?!

Anyway, I'm feeling slightly better already and plan to be back to normal for Christmas morning! Livi is quite excited for Santa and I can't wait to see her face this year now that she understands who Santa is. At the beginning of Advent we took the girls to visit Santa at the mall. They did alright. Livi was so excited up until she had to talk to him. Then she wouldn't even go near him, which is why she is sitting in front of him. Sofie just didn't want to sit. I'll take what I can get though...

Week 2 of December

2011-12-18T22:16:00.000-08:00

Now that the weekend is over I think the busiest part of December is finally over. I made it through these past two weeks and came over the other side with only a "little" sinus cold. I feel terrible right now but looking at the coming week, I have time to take care of myself again and get better.

We ended last weekend with my taking Livi to her friends Christmas party. It was so fun. I didn't really know anyone but it was a small group and everyone was very friendly. The parents had put so much work in to making it fun for the girls. I was very impressed. They had them decorate gingerbread cookies, play musical chairs and do a gift exchange. This was Livi's first experience with a real competition and winner for musical chairs. She didn't really understand why she couldn't keep playing but handled it pretty well. I got to chat with a lot of the parents about our adoption and learn about another mom's adoption journey. I had a really good time :)

Monday was Jon's/Daddy's first day back at work. Us girls survived! I would even say it was a good day. Sofie was a little whiney as usual but we got everything done that was on the list for the day! Tuesday we had a play date that I had bought a gingerbread house for. Livi was very excited. More candy made it in to their mouths then on to the house, but that's that the candy is for in the end I guess! Wednesday was Livi's ballet, shopping, out for dinner then Livi's Gymnastics. Thursday I had made a few more casseroles and prep for Sunday before an appointment and coffee in the evening. Friday was cleaning for Sunday and final preps. I had a hair cut and Jon's mom came out with us to get a tree and help decorate! I also had a full fledged cold by this point but was hoping to kick it. Saturday I got to head out to Vancouver for a 30th Birthday Brunch of a dear friend! So glad I could celebrate with her! That evening we also had Jon's office Christmas party which was more fun than I thought it would be! This was also the first time we left both girls without Jon or I. My sister came and babysat for us. I was a little nervous how Sofie would do and if there would be any attachment backlash for us. So far she seems to be alright though!

Making a Gingerbread house!

Choosing the right tree!

Today was THE gathering. It was my mom's turn to host her extended family Christmas. She looked in to getting it catered but it was too close to Christmas and too short notice. Since she doesn't cook much I volunteered to cook for all 35 people. What was I thinking? It wasn't too bad. I just did casseroles and doubled up to freeze one when I cooked for my family. It turned out well I think. Timing every thing with just two stoves was a little difficult but I think it was all pretty warm. Not sure I'm going to volunteer to do that again though. It will just be pizza next time.

Like I said in the beginning, I have a terrible cold now so I wasn't overly excited to host but I did manage and am looking forward to a week with very little to do. Livi has the same cold as I do but seems to be handling it better than me! Sofie has an in home nurses assessment for the At Home program to hopefully get some direct respite funds tomorrow and then aside from some hair cuts and family pictures on Friday morning and Jon's family Christmas Friday afternoon, the week is free! I intend to relax, let the girls watch entirely too much TV, get better and hopefully go for a few walks with our awesome new stroller once Livi and I stop coughing so much.

After nap cuddles. Sofie wasn't that impressed.

4 Months Home!

2011-12-14T22:54:00.000-08:00

Sofie has been home now for 4 months! Where has the time gone? Our baby is not the same frail, infant sized kid that we took out of the orphanage 4.5 months ago. She is still teeny tiny, but she has some meat on her bones and a roundness to her little body! I love it! When I do "squishy's" on her after baths my fingers no longer touch so easily when I wrap my hands around her limbs and "squish" the lotion down. She ends in fits of laughter every time I do it! She is now 23 lbs. That is up about 3.5 pounds! One pound since last month. There has been a bit of up and down in her weight but she's been increasing about a pound a month. We have a follow up with her pediatrician in January so I'll hopefully get a clearer idea about what the her goal weight is and at what rate.

I think it is safe to say that the honeymoon is officially over and she is either experiencing some grief and loss of her old life or just becoming a typical moody three year old who has found her voice to be able to protest! It is most likely a combination. She throws tantrums now and whines frequently. She doesn't like being told no. When we are firm she will bring her finger up to her mouth and curl her face up in to the saddest cry you've ever seen. Her tantrums usually consist of her flopping to the ground and throwing her head and arms back. Her tantrums can happen at any time but are usually reserved for us at home when we are too busy to giver her much attention or there is little stimulation. She also frequently tantrums if I have been out or away from her for a little bit and then come home. Instead of running to me, like she does with Jon or new people, she throws herself to the floor whining. I'm trying to take this as an attachment sign. Maybe she is mad at me for leaving or feeling comfortable enough with me to communicate her dislike. She definitely only reserves this behavior for me though and I'm waiting for the day she shows me that she is excited to see me but doesn't make me feel guilty for leaving!

Sofie has continued to flourish this month and keeps showing us her new found skills and abilities. She has started to learn how to suck from a straw! This is a wonderful accomplishment. It means potential independent drinking soon! We can now give her a no-spill water bottle and have it available to her all day! Hopefully this will increase her liquid intake because currently, I think, she is probably only drinking about half the recommended liquids that she should for her weight. She has learned how to climb on the kitchen table and scare Mommy and Daddy. I see more stitches in the future! She had her first taste of Boterkoek and met Santa! She met her Uncle Sean when he came home from China. She gave Mommy and Daddy the official poop smear experience. So. Gross. Now she wears her sleep sacks backwards. She got her Care Card number finally and managed to stay healthy when everyone else in the house got the flu! Yay for having a great immune system!

I'm sure Christmas will be fun with two girls this year! I can't wait too see how the next month goes! I love my girls so much!

December So Far

2011-12-10T19:05:00.001-08:00

December is well under way and we are already feeling the burn! I'm sure this is the busiest Christmas season we've ever had.and not just because we have two kids now. Through the month of December we have at least three commitments each weekend until Christmas!

November ended with all the leaves on our trees leaving a beautiful mess in our backyard for the girls to play in. Well, Sofie was a little unimpressed but Livi sure loved it!

My brother also came home from teaching in China for the past 16 months. Livi was excited to see him again and worked hard at writing "Uncle Sean, Welcome Home, Livi" all by herself. She actually surprised me with her perfectionism. She made an error on the first one and refused to continue. I'm a bit of a perfectionist in a lot of areas so I really shouldn't be too surprised but I hope I can help her to relax a little.

November also brought the first advent. Jon has a rule that I'm not allowed to decorate until December 1 or first advent, which ever comes first. Livi had lots of fun helping us bake for our family decorating party! Our tree is not up yet. We will get a real one but will wait until the week before Christmas to alleviate fighting with Sofie about not touching it. Last year, we think it triggered Livi's asthma too. So, we'll try it out again this year and if the same thing happens, we'll buy a fake tree on clearance for next year :)

She put her whole body in to pressing the boterkoek in to the plate!

We also got some pictures taken of the girls for our Christmas cards that went out this week. An ex-coworker/fellow blogger/wonderful photographer who is also very interested in adoption for their family offered us a session as a adoption present! I was very excited to use her indoor studio to take some pictures of the girls in the matching dresses I had bought before we even had Sofie home! Because I had bought these dresses early Livi is rapidly growing out of hers! I don't know if it is even going to fit her for Christmas! I needed to get the pictures early! The girls were not the most cooperative for the shoot. They were more interested in playing with the toys than sitting pretty. Sofie is not the easiest to photograph at the best of times. I think we got a few keepers and there are definitely a few that capture each of their personalities wonderfully! Thanks Louise at http://gc-photography.blogspot.com/!

Here are a few of my favorites :)

Sofie throwing things as usual!

Love this one.

Livi posing and Sofie trying to get her to stop touching her :)

Livi is the ever-doting sister :) I love that she caught a smile from Sofie here!

The Merry Christmas got smudged before even one picture was taken :)

Squish!

Love :)

By far, my favorite. It captures their personalities perfectly.

Livi posing trying to be the center of attention and Sofie destroying things :)

The first weekend of December was as busy as expected. Saturday, I went to the kids swap and found some onesies for Sofie. I never used them for Livi but Sofie has a habit of undressing and so far she can't get out of the onesies. Some friends we hadn't seen in a very long time came over for lunch, and that evening, Jon went to Vancouver for the night to see a friend's band play and I took the girls too the Christmas parade with my sister. I got to break in my new stroller too! It is wonderful, by the way. The girls had a lot of fun and dealt with the cold and late hour really well! They both loved the music and Livi loved seeing Santa at the end. That Sunday we went to our first family Christmas gathering too! Such a busy weekend.

The week held tons of appointments and get together's. We took the Girls to Circle of Friends, a music sing-a-long time for adults with special needs. You should have seen Sofie dancing! I think there is a video on my Facebook page. We had our last music class of the semester. Sofie will be going again next semester while Livi is in preschool! I got my crown finished. I had a parent meeting for parents of DS kids this week too, a play date for the kids and mommies! We finally got Sofie's CareCard number!!! Yay! I had called, yet again, to try and figure out how to get it and a finally an Enrollment Specialist took pity on my case, gave me her personal fax and called me the next day with Sofie's number! We had a doctor's appointment the next day and got the final round of paper work signed to send in for all her CRA tax benefits and other necessary finalities and benefits! Among all this I got the 24 hour flu and threw up for the first time in over 20 years! Not a fun night but it was over quickly :)

We also had a meeting at the fine arts school we are considering for the girls kindergarten. We loved it. Jon doesn't even want to check any other options out at this point. The principal was lovely to us and totally on board with what we want for our girls. We loved all the art and music covering the halls and classrooms. We loved the fact that Livi will be able to read music when she leaves there! We will need a second car to get them too school and that seems rather daunting at the moment but we have some time to figure that out... and pray!

This weekend is a little less crazy only because our dinner plans cancelled. Our friends were sick. It was actually a good thing they cancelled because Friday night Jon and Livi got the same flu that I had had. They were both better within 24 hours but last night was rough. Sofie has still remained healthy so today I took her to the FVDSS Christmas party. She had a lot of fun on the bouncy castle and running around! At the end of the afternoon Santa came for a visit!

Tomorrow is another Christmas party at a friend of Livi's house. Then Monday, Jon goes back to work... Not sure how I feel about that yet as next weekend is the busiest one yet! I hope the transition of Jon going back is easy on everyone!

Adopt!

2011-12-09T17:59:00.001-08:00

Look at the difference you could make in the life of a precious little child!

They'll make an incredible difference in your life too :)

Sofie three months after being home is measurably healthier in every way.

........................

And look at the difference one month home has made for this once 10 pound 9 year old!

Amazing.

You can read about her journey HERE.

Update

2011-11-27T19:58:00.001-08:00

My update from this past week....

1. Livi is still very moody and emotional but for the past two or three days, I suppose you could say there has been some improvement. We have been ridiculously consistent and strict about the things that really matter. The things that don't, we've been able to let go of a bit. We had one day of taking away about 4 of her favorite toys, but she earned them back the next day and has had a slightly better attitude since.

2. We got confirmation that we get a little bit of subsidy for preschool costs. Not much. Only $25, but it will help. We still haven't received or budgeted for Sofie's Child Tax Benefits so we figured we would just not count it and it will pay for Livi's preschool. We also decided not to put her in until February. That way, she'll just get the half a year and actually be 3.5 years old. We told her she gets to go yesterday and she was SO excited! She knew about the possibility but now that she knows it's going to happen she is ecstatic. I wish I had had a camera to capture how big her eyes got!

3. We finally bought a second double stroller! Well, we did buy a second hand one before Sofie was home and it turned out to not fit us well at all. I sold it and got my money back. So, I finally decided which one I wanted and I'm really excited for it :) Yes, this is what excites a stay at home mom, and yes I know it is a little sad. It is the Joovy Caboose Ultralight Sit n Stand. Sofie definitely needs to be strapped in and Livi walks or ride her bike most of the time but will take a ride for long hauls. We figured for for walking to preschool we should get the sit n' stand.

4. We heard from MSP about Sofie's care card and got some very disappointing news. They want another form which they didn't ask for in the beginning and are telling me another 4-6 weeks! Argh!!! So frustrating. We got the bill for her hospital bill the other day too. We are so not accustomed to paying for our health care. One pediatrician appointment and one hospital visit is costing us almost $1000. We've been putting off non-urgent health care appointments but if this goes on much longer we have to figure out how to pay for it. This is so frustrating.

5. We decorated for Christmas today! Jon's rule is December 1 or Advent, whichever comes first. It was mostly fun :) Fresh baked boterkoek, egg nog, hot buttered rum, Christmas music and decorations! No tree yet. I think we'll get a real tree again and want to wait to the week before Christmas to limit the yelling "no touching!" to Sofie.

Survival

2011-11-23T20:19:00.001-08:00

"Thank You that she can now relax those survival skills and

learn to look to a mama and daddy for what she needs."

This quote come from a blog that I've been following. A little girl just came home from Bulgaria. She is nine years old and only 10 pounds. You can check out the story HERE. It is heart wrenching and amazing. I can't believe this little one is still alive, let alone might actually live!

The quote above actually made me cry this evening because I have seen Sofie relax her own survival skills. Although, she was so lucky to not have been in such dire straights as little Katie, she has her own story. We will probably never know that story completely but I know she was alone. Sofie had to go through her first three years of life an orphan. She was not touched enough. She was not stimulated to learn, communicate, or even play. She cried and no one came. She sat in wet or soiled diapers for hours and broke out in rashes on her bum. She was force fed to the point where it hurt. She wasn't allowed to put anything in her mouth for fear of spreading germs or being dirty so she had very little oral development. She never knew love.

She some how survived. God protected her until we could get to her. She tried to control her eating and tried not to eat but it was forced upon her. She was a mere 19 pounds at 3.5 years old. She hit anyone who got to close to her when they were un-welcomed. She pulled hair for attention, even if it was negative. Her eyes darted when she was afraid but made no sound from her mouth. She had to rely on her own tiny means to get through the days in her crib alone, staring at the children through bars. She would rock, click her jaw and tap her teeth continuously just to get some stimulation. She had never been out side the gates of the orphanage.

Sofie is discovering what love is now and learning how to be in a family. She has all but dropped her rocking. I only see it a few times a week now, instead of the hourly habit it was just a few short months ago. She only clicks her jaw a few times a day instead of a few times a minute and I don't remember the last time I saw her tapping her teeth. She is realizing she doesn't have to be in charge of her survival anymore. She is starting to trust that Mommy and Daddy get to take that responsibility off her tiny shoulders. All she has to do is be a kid. All we have to do is love her, and that is so easy to do. Literally watching her body relax over the last few months is such a gift. Seeing her smile when we come in to the room she is in is priceless.

Honestly, all my fears of not attaching to her are gone. I'm attached. I feel like her mommy completely. I don't remember when it all exactly came. It was much more gradual than with Livi but I'd say it was pretty locked in within the first few weeks. The first few days in Bulgaria we so surreal. I was in awe of her. The first few weeks at home were hard. I was frustrated with her but wanting to be in love, holding on to the knowledge that it would get better and feeling my love ever so slowly grow. As things settled down, we figured each other out and when we figured the sleeping issues out everyone was happier and much more loving. I was sold, attached, a real Mommy again.

Sofie is showing a lot of signs of attachment now too. She follows me around and cries if she think I'm leaving her. She smiles at us and even looks for us when we are with other people. She listens to our promptings better than too strangers. She is still very social and in-discriminant who plays with her. Part of it is the un-attachment but we figure she also has a really social personality. Sofie has also found her voice. I'd even say she borders on loud sometimes! We promote fun yelling contests... I think we might regret that one day. You can actually hear her laugh now! She cries loudly now too. Not in the panicked way she did in Bulgaria, but just like a typical 3 year old complaining or upset with something. She is realizing that she can cry loudly because Mommy or Daddy will always come.

I'm thankful that Sofie is such a strong little girl was able to survive until we could get to her. I'm also thankful that she is trusting us, looking to us, loving us and feeling loved. She doesn't need to just survive anymore. She gets to flourish.

Jekyll and Hyde

2011-11-22T21:25:00.001-08:00

About a week ago it seemed like a switch flipped for Livi. She is hot and cold. She can be so helpful one second and completely deadly the next. I don't know how to parent this and I'm starting to react in ways that I hate. I need to change something but I don't know what or how.

She was terrible today. I cried and I don't do that often when it comes to parenting. I've always been quite sure with the choices I have made when it comes to parenting. Livi was a really good kid and I thought I could take some of the credit for that. Then this week happened. She has been defiant as often has she has taken a breath. She mimics what we say in that sassy ten year old voice with the head nod to go with it. She yells at us and tells us she is going to do the opposite of what we have asked her too. She says she can't calm herself down or that her "story" says she has to do whatever. (She got the story thing from the cartoon Super Why where they have to zap a word to change the story and have the characters do something different. We thought it was cute at first, but now? Not so much.) Tonight, she lost the privilege of going out on a quick shopping trip with Jon and threw a huge tantrum. It even involved throwing furniture!

I'm at my whits end. I've tried be really strict and I've tried talking everything out to a painful degree but neither have seemed to help change the behavior. I've tried giving her extra attention but doesn't seem to be enough to help. She enjoys helping me in everyday things and has been a super big with all the casseroles I made this week. She takes a lot of pride in helping us. She can be the happiest little angel be a helpful little bee and switch before I can even realize she is switching. Jekyll and Hyde.

Like I said, today was rough. I'm hoping tomorrow is better and even if it isn't I hope that I have the strength to handle it better. Will this pass or is this what the next 20 years are going to be like. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

At least I'm not this mom...

Waiting

2011-11-21T21:24:00.001-08:00

I feel like I should blog but I don't have much to blog about right at this moment. This week is really busy and involves a lot of waiting for things.

1. We are still waiting for Sofie's Care Card. It was supposed to be processed by Friday but wasn't so we are still waiting. I'm going to try calling tomorrow.
2. Thursday I should be able to call and get an answer as to whether we qualify for some preschool subsidy for Livi this year. I kind of think that we won't qualify, in which case Livi won't be going to preschool until September. We decided we would save our money for when we have to put both girls in together. That is going to be a tight 10 months on our budget. We still really would like Livi in alone first but it may not work out that way.
3. We are waiting for the girls Christmas pictures that I'll use for the Christmas cards this year! They were mailed out to us today and I can't wait to see them! A fellow blogger and excellent photographer offered to give us some pictures as an adoption gift! They have a studio in their home so I thought Christmas pictures in matching dresses would be crazy adorable. You'll have to wait until at least the first advent to see them though. Check out the Chapman's photography in the mean time though...
http://gc-photography.blogspot.com/
4. Once we have Sofie's Care Card I need to kick it in to high gear with a big round of paperwork and appointments. I need a doctor to sign off on a lot of funding applications I need to send in for her and even tax credits as well. Will the paperwork ever stop?
5. We also are waiting to check out an elementary school we are interested in sending the girls too. It is an integrated arts school across town but we aren't sure how the special needs class is. I love the idea of integrated arts to foster Livi's creativity and learning outside of the box. I also love the idea for Sofie to be able to be included in the academic parts of learning through art even if she doesn't completely understand the lessons. We'll have to wait and see.
6. I'm waiting and dreading getting a crown on Wednesday.
7. We are also waiting for Christmas! Livi asks everyday if it is Christmas yet and after we say not yet she responds with "I've been waiting for Christmas for SUCH a LONG time!". December is filled with Christmas gatherings to keep her entertained. Each weekend we have at least two Christmas parties! One of those parties I am feeding my extended family. 35 people. Wish me luck!
7. I'm also waiting for Mexico! A family reunion at an all-inclusive over New Years! I've never been on that kind of a vacation and seriously can not wait!

3 Months

2011-11-14T22:58:00.001-08:00

Sofie has been home for 3 months now! I always think that the anniversary is the 15th because we got in so late on the 14th and the 15th was our first day at home together. Really our Gotchya Day is the 4th, so I'm really late! I try to remember the day were where first home together in Canada though. It all seemed more real and completed then.

So, a three month update on Sofie...

- She is talking so much more. She says 'up' and 'Mama' the clearest and most frequent. She can also say 'Dada', 'Ney' ('No' in Bulgarian), 'Hi', 'Bye Bye', 'Hello' and 'Baby'. She mimics all of our signing really well but I can only tell that she has 'more', 'all done', 'sorry', 'thank you' and 'Mama' (which she signs more like 'Daddy') down really well.
- She is very good at getting her point across. You know when she is pleased or mad. She can throw quite the epic little tantrum but as soon as we pick her up she usually just melts.
- Just yesterday Sofie learned to push herself with her feet on her rolling ladybug toy. She is still quite cautious since she has had a few spills, she needs to remember to hold on, but she is getting it!

- We left her with my mom for a few hours for the first time on Nov 4 and she did great! (She happened to be sleeping the entire time and didn't even know we were gone!
- Received her Canadian Passport!
- She went Trick-or-Treating for the first time!
- She is still LOVING music class and music in general. She will dance to anything. It can entertain her for hours and put her to sleep each day! She even knows how to turn the stereo on and off herself.

Grooving to the beat at Music Class

She LOVES Music Class :)

- She is learning to play with toys! I didn't notice this development with Livi so much because it was so natural age related but I am loving watch it develop with Sofie. She will sit and play with farm animals and make them interact. She plays with blocks, dolls, papers and loves doing dress-up things with necklaces, hats, or basically anything you put on your head. The only thing with the hats and necklaces is that it is very interactive for her. She wants you to play it with her and do it exactly how she wants over and over and over and over again ... even though I don't always understand exactly how she wants it!
- She is developing her independence and always wants to be helpful... at least that is what I'm choosing to believe and ignoring the fact that she is just obsessed with opening and closing doors. She will close all the doors for me and it can be quite helpful, like the microwave or fridge. Sometimes she closes doors with her still inside them though and hasn't yet figured out how to open them yet, like her bedroom.

-Sofie hasn't gained any weight this month and is still sitting at 22 pounds. She may have even lost half a pound. I'm not really sure what a good weight gain should be but she is definitely still looking healthier every day. Her hair is thicker and shinier and her skin tone is so much improved. She got some really dry skin on her face and chin when the weather changed but that was taken care of with lots of lotion. But, all in all, she is pretty healthy. We have a follow up with her pediatrician in January, but he still hasn't made any referrals to specialists yet. I keep calling and don't get any where. I'm a little frustrated with that. It would be nice to know for sure that her heart murmur is really nothing.
-She had her first emergency visit and stitches due to an unfortunate altercation with her sister (see previous post).

I can't believe it has only been three months with her home. She is settling in so well! She is flourishing and I can't imagine life with out her now!

First Emergency Visit!

2011-11-13T19:14:00.001-08:00

For over three years we have managed to keep the inevitable emergency room visits at bay. 3 months after having our second child home we had to succumb to it. With dinner in the oven, cookies cooling on the counter and all of us still in our pajamas (it was a pajama day), we had to rush to the emergency room on Friday

Sofie had been after a pillow on top of Livi's pillow pile, which led Livi to "jump" on top of her. Both of them when down and Sofie bit her own tongue when they hit the ground. At first I thought it was just a scratch on her chin, from her own razor nails that I hadn't got around to cutting yet. I got mad at Livi for pushing/attacking her sister. Then I saw the blood. There was so much blood. Livi got scared and I felt terrible for sending her to timeout and leaving her there crying while I had to help Sofie. I had to prioritize in this case I guess but the mother's guilt sneaked in awfully quick!

We decided we needed to get her checked out and jumped in to fast forward. We were all still in pajamas with out hair done or teeth brushed. I know it was dinner time but that's how we roll. Livi was so confused and upset. Sofie was crying and bleeding. Jon and I were running around trying to catch the blood and get everyone dressed.

We ended up having to go to the ER because it was Remembrance Day and a stat. We registered and got through triage really fast. The admin staff and nurses kept asking questions in disbelief of our adoption. At first I was really annoyed because I was still feeling really anxious about getting Sofie looked at but then it just got funny. I figured if they weren't concerned and had time to ask the questions I could probably relax. One ladies eyes actually bugged out when I told her we wanted to adopt a kid with DS and she emphatically said "You WANTED a kid with Downs?!" She thought we had adopted her and been surprised with her DS. People are so ignorant. I didn't know how to react besides laughing.

We got called in really quickly and were seen really quickly. My mom stopped by and took Livi home for dinner and bed. She freaked on me a little bit for sending her a text asking to come to the hospital with out explaining. She was driving and wouldn't stop to text me back because she HAD to get to the hospital. Oops. I did the same thing to a friend. I tried calling her to drop Livi off with her. I didn't get through. She saw my facebook status about being "at the hospital on account of the blood" and freaked out on me too :) There is a sick part of me that kind of enjoys doing that...

Not too sure about this thing on her toe.

The doctors advised a stitch and once they got it done they were glad they did. She ended up with three stitches. It took 5 hours to get her done because four doses of IV would still not knock her out! It was amazing. 3 doctors, a respiratory therapist and a nurse were all standing over her waiting for her to fall asleep. They had even tried two different meds. We had to go with Plan C... an IV. My poor baby was so doped up already but not asleep. She was pretty funny but did not enjoy the IV. It was so sad. They had to strap down her entire arm.

Cuddles with Daddy.

Flying high.

They finally got her to sleep and got her 3 stitches in her tongue. I was a little worried how she would do with eating. I thought the gash and stitches might set the progress she has made back a bit but she is managing really well. She still doesn't chew with her teeth and only mushes things with her tongue but we are careful of what we are giving her. The next day after the stitches we only gave her really soft mush and lots of chocolate milk laced with baby formula. By 5 pm she kept yelling at us and signing for food. She survived though and I'm hoping we managed to even keep her weight up! Her stitches don't seem to bother her too much. She was eating smaller meals at first, probably due to the irritation on her tongue but today she's been almost back to normal!

Poor Baby :(

Quick Update

2011-11-06T10:14:00.000-08:00

Our everyday life has been quite busy lately. I'm so tired! I think a massage would do wonders for me right about now! I'm not sure I can convince Jon of my need for it though :)

1. My kids are crazy, adorable, loud, squishy, difficult, funny, insane, weirdos! And I mean that in the most sleep deprived, in love way I can :)

2. Sofie is starting to talk! It is rather sporadic and a little muffled but she is saying Mama and Dada, Up, Ney (Bulgarian No), Hi, Bye-Bye, Baby, and she even said Hello once! She is also learning Sign faster than we can teach her. She says more, all done, mommy, sorry, thank you, dance, food, drink, and understands even more of them!

3. Livi is talking our ears off. She literally only stops when we make tell her too and it usually doesn't last long! I love hearing all her stories and how she processes things. Her memory is outstanding. She remembers places and things that happened last year! She finds things that I've misplaced all the time.

4. I think we have decided what we would like to do for preschool. We are going to try and put Livi in the community, play to learn school that is just around the corner from us in January. It is the easier choice. We are hoping to qualify for subsidy in September to put both girls in the Montessori preschool in September. If not, I hope we really like the school around the corner because both girls in at the same time is going to be a big chunk out of our monthly budget! Even at the cheaper preschool! Both girls will then go to kindergarten together, but in separate classes. I am still waiting to connect with the school board lady to get confirmation that I can have Sofie repeat Kindergarten. I will fight for that decision.

5. We celebrated my grandfathers life on Wednesday. It was a really nice service. My sisters sang "Thank-you" (for giving to the Lord. I was a life that was changed). I forget who it was by. Beautiful song and so true for me, personally. I will miss my grandpa so much.

6. Friday was my sisters' 25th birthdays. We went for dinner and back to Vanessa's place for some cupcakes that I made and drinks. It was a lot of fun! It was the first time we'd left the girls since bringing Sofie home. Jon skipped the dinner to put Sofie to bed so she wouldn't realize that we weren't there. We failed to realize that this was also the first time we were leaving Livi since being gone to Bulgaria for two weeks. She had a total meltdown before Jon left. I felt so bad. She was completely settled down before he left though. Marmee, who was babysitting, let her watch the Wiggles way past her bed time :)

7. Livi has awesome morning hair....

8. Sofie had been sleeping late one afternoon so we went in to check on her. We found her laying on her quilt, naked, with her shirt, sleep sack and poopy diaper thrown out of her crib in to the middle of the floor. Awesome.

9. We've had to do more than baby proof our house. We have Sofie proofed it. Because of things like this...

Thanks Sofie. I needed something to clean.

10. Livi is quite the artist. She loves drawing us pictures and writing her name. These are some examples of her most recent smiley faces, with her name underneath... although she mixed up two of the letters. Jon was in the washroom and wouldn't let her in so she was waiting for him and trying to keep herself busy :)

11. Christmas is coming! I have no idea how we are going to manage a tree with Sofie around to tear it apart :) We'll figure it out though! I've already ordered the main present for Livi... we got her the kids digital camera from Fisher Price (we got a good price on Amazon). I'm pretty sure she is going to love it. My phone is filled with pictures that she takes of everyone. She also said that she wants Santa to bring her a new flashlight. Her Princess flashlight she got last year no longer works. So basically, she is done! Now I have to figure out what to get for Sofie...

Halloween 2011

2011-11-02T20:46:00.000-07:00

Halloween was a lot of fun this year. It seemed extra busy with the two little ones though. We did get to do all the regular Halloween stuff!

Livi and Jon scooped out the guts!

Mommy and Livi did the carving.

Livi and her Princess Pumpkin!

Sunday evening Jon was involved in our Sunday church service so we went. He did a very moving history piece about how the church used to celebrate Halloween, All Saints Day, and The Day of the Dead. A memorial part was also include that was quite emotional for many people. The kids were allowed to wear their costumes to church so I got some really adorable pictures!

Sofie was a lovely little ladybug!

(The curse of being the second child is always getting the hand-me-downs!)

My two little bugs! I love them.

Flying little Bumble Bee!

Love bugs :)

Monday we took the girls trick-or-treating. They had SO much fun!!!! Sofie lasted about 20 minutes but LOVED every minute of it. It was a little too cold for her. She didn't make it up to any doors but loved running free all over the road. There were no cars out. Livi was a trick-or-treating monster! She stayed out for nearly an hour and a half. I kept asking if she wanted to go home but she refused. She just wanted to trick-or-treat. Only one house scared so we skipped it. She got way to much candy. I threw out some and ate too much. We had a lot of fun. She loved seeing all the costumes and is still sad she didn't get to say hello to the "Lego guy".

Preschool Update

2011-10-29T00:23:00.000-07:00

I was never a huge fan of 3 year old preschool. I know there is good reason that many parents choose this and many three year old's are very ready for preschool. I just think 3 is still so young! Livi is still so much my baby. She is so dependent on us still. We have been lucky enough to have never needed child care other than family. Now I'm considering sending her to school where she will be away from people who would literally die for her 6-12 hours a week! I didn't think I was that over attached mom, but I TOTALLY am.

I know our family's circumstances were a little different than some when Livi had just turned 3. We didn't have a newborn, but another 3 year old, who we had just brought home a few weeks before Livi would have started preschool. Besides the fact that we felt she was too young, we didn't want her feeling like we were sending her away because we got a new baby.

Now we are obviously considering putting Livi in preschool at 3 years old. I think, with the new understanding of how the funding all works for Sofie, we would prefer Livi to go to preschool before Sofie joins her. If that doesn't work out, we'll figure it out, but we would like Livi to feel like the big girl and go to school before Sofie joins her. So, the best option, as of this moment, seems to be to put Livi in preschool for the spring semester, starting in January or February, then having Sofie join her in September. Both of them would progress to Kindergarten together, in separate classes and Sofie would repeat Kindergarten. I talked with the Resource teacher of our catch-man area who referred me to the Principal of Student Services of the School Board of our district. I got through the first try and had a nice conversation. I explained my case and reasoning for wanting to have Sofie repeat Kindergarten and she seemed very receptive. She gave me the talk about why they don't like to keep kids back but admitted that I have a rather unique case and she would "probably" side in my favor. She wanted a week to talk with some of her co-workers and think about it. I will need to get her decision in writing but it sounded very promising and positive! I was totally geared up for a fight!

Now comes the question of which preschool. I am, again, so lost. I'm sure I am over thinking this all but I feel like this is such an important decision! We have looked at three schools in our area, each with their pro's and con's. I think we might need your advice again.

1. The first school is the easiest choice. It is literally around the corner from our house and we would be able to walk there within 4 minutes each day. The preschool is community funded and utilizes the Play to Learn philosophy. The con's against this school is it is very dimly decorated. They have chosen muted colors to not overstimulate the children. I don't agree with this, especially for Sofie. No one has anything bad to say about this preschool but I haven't heard anything great either. I also think Livi is academically above the 'curriculum' of this school. They don't practice writing letters or numbers since they are totally play based.

2. The second school is kind of perfect. I have heard GREAT reviews about it from numerous people. It is a wonderful mix of play and academics. The biggest problem with it is that it is too far away. We would need a second car or have a way to guarantee transportation. This is, potentially, a huge problem for us and a big head ache. It is also a very sought after school that may be difficult to get in to. It would be easier to get both girls in next year if we put Livi in for January but there are currently, no guarantees.

3. The third school is also wonderful. It is just a little further than the first school but still within walking distance. When I went to visit the class room I saw the teacher signing to her students. I nearly started crying from happiness right there. It is a strict Montessori school, which means they concentrate on Practical Life, Sensory Academic Learning and Culture. They focus on values and teaching the kids to be good people while it is all COMPLETELY child-led learning. The con's to this school is that they don't have as much imaginative play as we would like, it is four days a week, and it is WAY more expensive than the other two schools. We can't afford it.

Now, in my most ideal little scenario, we would be able to send Livi to the Montessori school two days a week this year (I don't think I'm ready for four days yet) and then send both girls three days a week next year. I don't think that is going to happen though. Choice number two would be too be able to afford a second car and go to school number two, but that isn't in the near future either. So, ideal number three would be Livi going to the first, easy choice school for January, just to get used to being away from Mommy and expand her social development. She would still get the big girl experience. Then be get enough subsidy funding to be able to afford the Montessori school for September for both girls and be allowed to only send them three days a week. Four days still seems excessive to me. Both girls would then go to Kindergarten together and Sofie would be allowed to repeat.

So, how good is my line to God these days? I hope He's got my back on this one. If you feel like sending up an extra prayer for this to all fall in to place, I'd sure appreciate it! Something will work out and I think there is a good chance we will end up loving school choice number 1, which would make next September really easy for me! If we have to keep Sofie back from Kindergarten a year too, we can make it work. There are a lot of scenario's here that could be really great, so maybe just pray that the right doors open up too us!

Need Advice!

2011-10-24T21:08:00.000-07:00

The girls school plan before we had Sofie home was to keep Sofie back a year. Livi would go in to preschool at age 4 and Sofie would go to preschool at age 5. We had wanted to do this for a few reasons. We wanted the extra time for Sofie to feel safe and attach with us. Since Livi is developmentally older and the first child, we wanted to keep the natural progression of her role and have her go to school first. We also did not want Livi to feel the extra responsibility for her sister that would come with them being in the same grade. She is already going to feel the responsibility with Sofie in the same school. Kids can be mean.

It has been suggested by numerous professionals to get Sofie in to preschool earlier than later. So, we began thinking of putting both Livi and Sofie in next September but having Sofie repeat 4 year old preschool twice. I talked with CDC about this today and discovered that their funding for an aid in preschool stops when the child is 5. If we want Sofie to continue with an aid she'll have to go in to kindergarten at age 5.

So, Jon and I have a few options of what to do and I think we need some advice...

Keep Sofie out of preschool completely and put her in kindergarten at age 6. Livi would go ahead with preschool and Kindergarten as planned.

Pro's - Still maintain Livi and Sofie's separation from each other.
Con's - Sofie would not get any CDC aid support.

Put both girls in preschool together at 4 and both in kindergarten at 5 but separate classes.

Pro's - Easiest choice as far as getting Sofie aids.
Con's - Livi's possible feelings of responsibility and resentment for having to watch out for her sister who is in the same grade.

Put both girls in preschool, together, and kindergarten together, separate classes, but have Sofie repeat kindergarten.

Pro's - Easy way to ensure Sofie gets the aids, and eventually separates the girls.
Con's - Still may have Livi develop some jealousy and resentment feelings in the early years and schools are apparently very reluctant to hold kids back these days.

We could also maybe start Livi in preschool in January then proceed with both girls in 4 year old preschool, same class, and kindergarten, separate classes.

Pro's - Gets Livi in school first to have the big girl feelings
Con's - Still has the girls together in future years and not sure how it would work with her ballet class.

One last option is that we put the girls in separate preschools and/or schools. This option seems a little excessive and unpractical though.

What do you all think? I'm obsessing about this and we have NO idea what to do. I'm not ready for school dynamics yet! I know it is just preschool but keeping them in the same grade or not could have a big impact on their future.

The Corn Maze

2011-10-22T22:30:00.000-07:00

Today we got to join the Fraser Valley Down Syndrome Society at a family day at the Corn Maze! It wasn't as nice of weather as we were hoping but we figured we could handle it. We strapped on our boots, rain jackets and got out our umbrella.

Livi was so excited to go in to the maze and could barely wait! We joined the first group and went in probably around 2:15pm. There were about 6 adults in our group and 8-10 kids. One mom with a baby in a sling. We figured it would just be a fun little game and we could let the kids decide which way to go... we were wrong. We got out of the maze around 3:45pm and Livi walked the whole way! I was so proud of her :)

We walked and walked and turned around and walked in the inch of mud that covered the ground. In the part 1 of the maze there are 8 posts with questions that you answer and it tells you which way to go. We made it to the 5th post relatively easily but circled back around to the 5th post at least 8 times! Livi kept saying "I REALLY want to get out of here!" We tried to make it a game and say that we were explorers who have to solve the mystery and follow the foot prints. She liked that at first, but then she tripped. I had her hand and caught her but her foot was in a puddle and it spilled over inside her boot. She started crying then but it wasn't a meltdown thankfully.

Sofie had thrown off her boots and lifted up the stroller rain cover to get her socks soaking wet! I took off her wet socks because I figured cold cotton was worse than bare feet. So I had one kid with bare feet and one kid with wet boots. Plus, Jon and my's jacket were both just water resistant, not water proof. Awesome.

We tried another tactic with Livi to ward of the melt down... Some of the other kids were getting upset around this point too, so we talked about how she had to be brave for the babies. Yes, I'm sure we have already immensely screwed up our children but it worked! I reminded her how when Mommy is upset she gets upset too and the same thing was with the babies. If all the big kids got upset the babies would be upset too, so we had to be brave and help them find their way out too. She was SUCH a trooper. All the parents were totally frustrated and I felt so bad for the mom with the baby in the sling. She was trying so hard not too lose it.

Thankfully, some soaking wet teenagers happened by and rescued us! We tried out best to follow them since they would run ahead faster then us and double back if it was the wrong way. Our group did get split up but we hoped the rest were not too far behind. I was just so thankful to be out of there! We all were!

Once we were out Livi was much happier! We tried the water pump races, saw the animals, swam in the corn box, which was really cool by the way, and got a free pumpkin! We didn't have any cash on us and the teller over heard us telling Livi she'd have to wait to get a pumpkin and they said we could get a small one because some one else had left a tip that would pay for it! Livi was very happy :) Thanks Corn Maze! While Daddy was putting Sofie in the car and loading all the muddy gear up I let Livi go on the big trampoline pillow, which was more like a slip and slide. She did have some trouble getting up it and I wasn't about to take my still try boots off to get her up. I even tried throwing her up but she just bounced back down :) A dad who was already up there came and grabbed her hand to help pull her up. She really enjoyed coming down because the big kids were bouncing and she bounced on her butt all the way down :)

A very wet family day that had more frustration in it than we were expecting but it will definitely make for some good memories! We got home and promptly got the kids in a warm bath to hopefully keep any chill away. Then we had dinner with some hot chocolate to warm our insides!

Water Pump. Livi was fascinated :)

Swimming in, and apparently eating, the corn box!

One the trampoline!

Check out how soaking wet her pants and socks are in this picture!

It was epic.

My Grandpa

2011-10-16T11:22:00.000-07:00

Thursday night at 11:30pm my Grandpa left this world and ran in to Heaven where I am sure he was welcomed and rejoiced by Jesus for finally coming home. I can just imagine how big Grandpa's smile was and how straight and pain free he was finally able to walk and run!

My Grandpa was more than just a typical grandpa in my and my siblings lives. He was the only positive father figure that we had. We were a little closer to our grandparents than most grand-kids because of all the time we spent with them. They played a very active role in helping my mom raise us. Because my birth father is a bit of a clinical psychopath, my grandpa helped my mom in any way that he could. It was because of him and Grandma that we were able to have such a good childhood. They were with all of us every step of the way while my mom got us away from my father.

Grandpa modeled how a father is supposed to love his children. He showed me how a husband should love a wife. He taught me how too budget and be wise with my money. He prayed for me my entire life. He guided me... or at least tried to! He opened his home to me when I needed it. He helped me out financially and was so proud of me when I rose to his example and paid him back every penny! He walked me down the aisle 7 years ago.He supported me from the very beginning in our adoption, with no questions asked. I'm so thankful he was able to meet Sofie.

My grandpa has had an interesting life. He was the traditional Mennonite man in many ways but very nontraditional in others. I mentioned in my last post that my grandpa was injured in the war. Someone asked me what a Mennonite was doing in the war. Most were conscientious objectors. This is one of my favorite stories of his. He was a conscientious objector for a while and worked in Alberta, I think. I don't remember what all his reasons were but he decided that he wanted to join the war efforts with out picking up a gun. He became a medic and would move the stretchers of the wounded off the battle fields and in to the hospitals. That's how he was injured. He was proud of his work He knew doing his part against the Nazis, with out picking up a gun, was what God wanted him to do.

He was so proud of his service that he wore his uniform in to Sunday morning service when he got home to his Mennonite church. I didn't think much of it when I was younger. It was Jon who made me realize how incredibly ballsy it was to where a soldier uniform into a church filled with pacifists! All the young Mennonite ladies apparently thought he was so handsome... all the Menno fathers where freaking out I'm sure. My grandma was one of those young ladies :) Later, Grandpa bumped in to Grandma on the street and she helped him shop for a tie. They bumped in to a friend of Grandpa's who asked if Grandma was his wife. He responded with "Not yet." Grandma was stunned as that was really the first time they had spent any time together. I love that story :)

I'm so thankful to have had such a great grandfather in my life. I am very thankful he is at peace now and will miss him terribly. I hope Livi can remember him. He loved both of my kids unconditionally. He died two months, to the day, after Sofie came home. I don't think Sofie will remember him but we have pictures to show her and stories to tell. I'm so thankful that she got to meet him.

Two Months

2011-10-13T22:18:00.000-07:00

Sofie has been home for two months now! I'm not entirely sure where the time has gone. Days seem long but they fly by! I can't get over how quickly Sofie is developing. This month has been filled with new feats that Sofie has accomplished and new experiences for her.

Sofie is getting to sleep so much better which makes for a happier baby and a happier family! We've just started putting her to bed a little earlier, on top of the new lullaby regime. We were always having to wake Sofie up in the morning in order to get her down for a nap on time and wake her up from her nap in order to get her down for bed at an okay time. For three days now we've put her to bed at 7pm and she is waking up just before 8am by herself! She is ready for nap time at 12:30pm which we are still trying to get better at so she can wake up by herself between 2:30 and 3pm. Livi is going down for her nap around 1pm until about 2:30pm and bed at 7:45pm (she reads until 8ish) to wake up at 7:30am. All in all, we are pretty happy with how this whole sleep thing is finally working out! Hooray! We have our evenings and afternoons back! It only took two months! I hope it lasts...

Sofie's language is also taking flight. She consistently calls me Mama now and is starting to try to say Dada. She says baba for baby and bye bye usually mimicking us. She is also starting to say Ha (Hi) more consistently too! She understands English so much better than I could have hoped. It is completely amazing how quickly she picked it up. I'm not even convinced that she has any trouble understanding us anymore... well, at a 1 year olds developmental level anyway. She can follow simple verbal instructions like "no" and "arms up". She gets tickled when she puts her arms up! When we say no to something she shows us that she understands by gently motioning what it was she wasn't supposed to be doing while shaking her head 'no'. Then she may or may not repeat the action with full force :)

Sofie is hitting and pulling hair WAY less but still grabs and throws anything she can get her hands on. I barely see her rock like she used to anymore. She barely pulls her own hair. She still clicks her teeth and jaw sometimes but that has lessened too. She is much more gentle and you can tell that she is feeling more secure. She still has no problem going up to strangers but she always comes back to me and wants me when she is upset, so I think the attachment stuff is going great too!

She still doesn't chew food, suck a straw or drink with out spilling and we are still waiting to see a feeding ans swallowing OT but she is eating great. We just have to make sure the food is small and softish. I meant to weigh her today but forgot... so I'll do it tomorrow and update this :) She sure has chunked up though! She is 22.5 pounds! Up a pound since last month and up 3 lbs since we first got her!

Sofie still loves music. She hates sweet potatoes. I know! Weird kid. She likes her space but wants people around. She prefers adults to kids. She likes to clap, dance and eat! She eats a lot now :) She loves playing with her baby dolls and Mommy! She LOVES getting 'tossed' around and tickled. I think she is going to love roller coasters! Can't wait to see her smile and hear her glee while her heart is racing and I'm trying not to die from the side lines!

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-10-11T23:09:00.000-07:00

Although I have some very obvious things to be thankful for this year, its been a little hard this weekend to truly get in to the thankfulness spirit. While I am so filled with thankfulness for my children, my husband, my home, and my extended family, it is hard being a mom, my husband has taken up snoring which is interfering with my sleeping, my yard has been destroyed by the contractor who did our sewer hook-up forcing mud to be tracked all over our home, and my family is in a hard pre-grieving stage waiting for my grandfather to pass away.

Saturday morning EVERYTHING seemed like a hopeless problem with no way to fix it. I cried, I vented to my mom, and I cried some more. I was alone with the girls that morning and couldn't get anything done. I found that even though we had cleaned and revamped where Parker, our cat, has taken to peeing in the girl's room, he had done it again. A puddle of pee splashed on my leg as I was investigating, their shoes were splattered, and it was in the rug again. I cried. After a hug from Sofie and a few choice words yelled at the cat, I washed all their shoes.

For the rest of the morning everything looked dingy, dirty, beyond repair, and gross. I was ready to get rid of the cat, tear out all the flooring in my home, re-do the bathroom and kitchen and/or seriously talk to Jon about moving. My yard seemed to be in such disrepair that my kids would probably never have fun in it again and they definitely couldn't be out there alone because of all the apparent dangers! I think I over-reacted a bit :)

I do stand by my dissatisfaction with the yard. The contractor was supposed to come today and he is going to get an earful when he does come. But, I have a lovely home. It is one of the nicest basement suites I've seen and we do own it! We have huge bedrooms, a play area for the kids and even an office! I'm truly blessed to live downstairs from my mom. She is such a great support and I'm glad I can be there to help her out too. I love that she has such a close relationship with my girls. Livi wakes up at 7:30 each morning and heads on upstairs for breakfast with her! She doesn't quite understand why we don't let her up there on weekends though. She hasn't grasped the concept of sleeping in yet.

Speaking of grandparent relationships, my grandpa, whom I have be extremely close with and who participated greatly in raising me, is dying. He is now on 'comfort care' only. That means no IV's and no medical interventions other than pain medications. He has lived a long life and been ready to go for a long time. He had hoped he would go in his sleep or have heart attack and it would be quick. It has been slow and painful though. The last two years have been a steady decline in his physical and cognitive abilities. It has been really hard on everyone, especially since he has been home with Grandma and home support up until a few weeks ago.

Yesterday I took my daughters to the hospital to say goodbye. They usually see him a few times a month but since he has been in the hospital we've gone about once a week. He wasn't conscious yesterday and had just had a shot of morphine but I think it was good for Livi to see him like that. I've been trying to talk to her about Opa dying, as much as she can grasp. We've explained to her that Opa has lived really long time and wants to go to Heaven now. His body isn't working very well and when it stops working he will die and go to Heaven! We've told her that she won't see him again and Mommy, Marmee and Oma will be very sad because we miss him so much, but Opa won't be sad. He will partying it up in THE BEST PLACE EVER! He won't be sick there anymore. She told Oma about Opa going to Heaven yesterday. It was quite precious and we all got a little teary. I am so glad that he will no longer be in pain. He has lived with chronic pain ever since the war. I am very ready for him to die... well as ready as I can be I guess. But, I am going to miss him terribly.

We did get to celebrate Thanksgiving though. On Friday we joined Jon's extended family for a very delicious dinner. It was a little ill-timed for young kids so Sofie, in particular, was hungry and tired before we even got to the dinner. It was also her first big gathering held somewhere other than her home so she was over stimulated. I had also just had an update about my grandpa and hadn't slept well at all the night before, so I was not the best guest and Sofie's fussiness was extra stressing me out. The aunts and uncles who couldn't make it to Sofie's Blessing were finally able to meet her though! They were really awesome about giving us our space too, which I think I needed as much as Sofie did :)

Sunday was my family's dinner. I made the best turkey you've ever tasted, thanks to Gordon Ramsay. Sessa was in charge of all types of potatoes (mashed and sweet), my mom bought the veggies but I think my sisters ended up cooking most of them and Liz made two pies and a trifle! It was a tamer and more appropriate dinner than usual since we had a guest with us. My mom threatened all of us to be on our best behavior... or else! I don't think any under cover body parts or bedroom humor was mentioned even once! I definitely think this is a holiday for the history books. I'm not sure we can pull that off again. My mom has a lot to be thankful for this year. It may never happen again!

Typical moment of Livi trying to be the doting sister with Sofie ready to swat her away.

Our family did get to enjoy one of our spontaneous dance parties that seem to happen every holiday. I love it. My kids love it! I think people driving by our open window leaving their dinners must think how cool our family is... or look at us wondering what meds we aren't taking. Both might be true.

Sofie didn't quite get it all but she enjoyed the dancing and loved the chocolate trifle!

I'm so thankful for my girls. Livi is literally amazing. She is fills me with joy everyday. Sofie is my exceptional gift. She is exceeding all expectations. I'll say more when I blog about her two month anniversary. I don't know why I am so blessed to be her mom but I'm thankful for it. For both of them. I'm thankful for my husband. He is patient, caring and willing to work on us. Not all men will work for their relationships or their wives, but Jon does. I'm thankful for my mom who listens and gently guides me through my life. I don't know where I would be with out her. I'm thankful for all my supportive family and friends who make me laugh and genuinely care about me and my little family. Writing this is reminding me of all the things that I really am thankful for and blessed with... so I'm thankful for blogging. It is an outlet where I can organize my thoughts and feel a sense of connection through this mommy stage in my life. Thanks for staying with me and sending me your emails and comments. It means so much to me!

What a Day!

2011-10-06T23:52:00.000-07:00

What a day... I don't really know where to start.

This morning was nice. Jon had a really good sleep and let me sleep in, even though it was his turn. Then I got to go out and do some errands with my mom, child free. I know, a sad life when going to Canadian Tire and Walmart is exciting. I came home to both girls asleep in their room... TOGETHER! Super Daddy!

I'm kind of scared to post about this for fear of jinxing things but after that really rough week last week with both girls, this week has been awesome! Both girls seem to be feeling settled. They are happier, getting along better, sharing, playing together and sleeping! Both girls are sleeping great! Do I dare say that we have figured it out?

The key?

For Sofie it was the Queens of the Stone Age Rockabye Lullaby's. Great album. No words just the music played really well in a softer way. Sofie loves it. We just turn it on the iPod quietly beside her crib and leave her. She falls asleep in less than 30 minutes for naps and night! I know all the attachment and adoption books say to do some style of co-sleeping in the beginning. We did variations of co-sleeping for 2 months now,but they haven't consistently worked. We slept with her in our bed in Bulgaria but she wasn't comfortable and neither were we. She tossed and turned and woke frequently. We tried sleeping with her in her big girl bed until she fell asleep, but that was inconsistent and took almost two hours of her poking at us to get her to sleep. The crib worked better and we would lay down beside it on the floor until she fell asleep but that would still take over an hour and she frequently would not nap. Bed time was very inconsistent too. She just usually just tried to get our attention. Now, we just leave her with the music. She sleeps at night and for naps! It is a God send!

For naps we keep the girls separate. Livi naps with one of us in our bed and Sofie falls asleep with her music. Livi has been fighting us to get to sleep, particularly at night. She has every reason and behavioral tantrum to not go to sleep. So the secret to her? We bought her a little book light and let her read for 30 minutes. She is quiet, excited to go to bed and reads until the time we tell her and then goes to sleep with no questions asked! Amazing! How did it take us this long to realize that she is an avid night reader like her daddy?!

Peace, quiet, serenity, and Mommy alone time starting at 8 pm sharp (sometimes even 7:45pm)! Ahhhhh :)

I've realized both Livi and Sofie are very emotionally connected to my emotions. I know that most kids have this to a degree with their caregivers but I'm not sure if most kids feed off the caregivers energy quite like my kids. I knew I was in sync with Livi. It is something between birth mother and daughter. There is nothing like it. We almost feel each other's feelings sometimes and know when there is something wrong with the other. Like a twin thing. I always prided myself in knowing what my baby needed or wanted and gave that credit as to why Livi was always such an easy baby. I read her well. With Sofie, I didn't expect the same type of bond so quickly or even at all. I didn't even notice it at first. My mom pointed it out. Then Jon said something and I started noticing it a lot more too. Sofie and Livi almost feed off of my emotions, much more than Jon's. If I am happy and relaxed, they tend to be. If I'm frazzled or upset, they have tantrums. My week of PMS was the week they were both ridiculous. I feel bad for Jon when all three of us get our periods at the same time!

Sofie being so connected to my emotions, I think, is a really good sign of a positive attachment. I don't know if she has picked it up so quickly because I do tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve or because she is following Livi's lead. Either way, I think it is mostly a good thing. It leaves a lot of responsibility on my shoulders though. I need to remember to keep care of myself better, for there sake. Jon has been supporting this too. I don't think he wants another week like last week either!

After the naps today, I took the girls to Sofie's very first play date at a friends house with two little boys and two dogs. She has never really seen a dog before. She did amazing! At first she was nervous and clung to me while the kids ran around and made a ton of noise. After a snack and me sitting with her in my lap in the play area she relaxed! At about the hour mark she got off my lap by herself and even tried to play with a few toys! The new puppy crawled in to my lap to replace her and even though she was afraid at first, she was petting it by the end and happy about it!!! I was so proud of her :)

I came home to a stressful evening though. We had our house being hooked up to the new sewer line in our neighborhood yesterday and today. Yesterday, we had come home to not being able to get in to our door because of the dirt they piled on our walk way. We live in the basement of the house so our door is on the side. Thankfully, I live with my mother and had the key to the front door. I was a little annoyed that we hadn't been warned about this but got over it. Today I came home to the "completed" job which apparently means my walk way caked in dirt, so much that you can't decipher it from the ground beside it. The yard that they dug up is all lumpy and uneven, with mounds of grass and dirt in various places, plus the thick cement lid to the septic tank that they filled laying in the middle of our yard! The hook-up guy has a very nasty voice message that he better answer tomorrow morning.

Expecting to come inside for dinner, we realized that even though my wonderful husband had put dinner in the oven and set the temperature, he had failed to actually hit "start" and dinner was still frozen. (As I am typing this I just asked if he had put the lasagna back in the freezer and nope...still in the oven six hours later. Awesome.) Then, as I was putting some of the girls clothes away, I discovered the source of the odd smell in the corner of their room. Our cat has been repeatedly peeing on my daughters' shoes! Argh! So gross!

Because of the dinner fail, I did get to have sushi for dinner so the night wasn't all bad. And, the girls went to sleep at 7:45pm with out a peep! I got to watch my delicious vampires and doctors on Thursday night television!

Everybody Has a Random

2011-10-03T22:31:00.000-07:00

1. This week was rough. I think the honeymoon with Sofie is over. Friday night was very low. Both girls were being ridiculous and I was PMSing. At one point I was just rocking a crying Sofie in the dark, crying myself. We finally got both girls to sleep though. Jon made me go out Saturday morning. I went to the kids swap and then the Eco Boutique and got an Echo Rain shirt for myself! I came home much more relaxed and to happy children!

2. Sofie has been playing so well. A month ago she had no idea what to do with toys but lately this area of development has been taking off! She started just playing with baby dolls but now she plays with the kitchen set, tea set, tent, mirror, mega blocks, books etc! It is so great to see :)

3. Thursday we got Sofie's Citizenship Card! She has technically been a citizen since landing in Canada but we had no way of proving it! With her card now, we have applied for her MSP and Care Card, SIN card, Passport, and Child Tax benefit! Once her Care Card comes in we can get a doctor to fill out her Disability Tax credit, Access card and get her on Jon's Extended health. The paperwork never ends!

4. I'm feeling the lack of storage and flow in our home right now. We have a very mis-matched kitchen with no counter space and no closet space anywhere. I'm thinking of even renting a storage unit or something. The girls' next sizes of clothes that I am storing are over taking any corners of storage that we do have. I'd get rid of the baby stuff but we are not sure that we are done having kids quite yet. There are so many things that I love about this home, and so many things that are really getting to me.

5. Livi has been so helpful and fun lately, when she isn't throwing a tantrum. Maybe emotionally manic is a better way to describe her. When she is feeling happy she is an angel. She figures out to do things all herself and does anything and everything to help out. She shares with Sofie and gets so excited to see how she reacts. The other day she put a whole pan of cookie dough on the pan by herself and I only had to fix three of them! I was a kind of proud. Then her mood switches so quickly for seemingly no reason, and it has escalated to a full tantrum melt down a few times. It is quite epic. She is definitely keeping us on our toes! I love her.

6. Halloween is so much more exciting when you have kids! Livi is going as a bumblebee and I'm hoping Sofie fits in to the ladybug costume of Livi's from last year!

7. I'm already getting excited for Christmas!

Wednesday Night Rant :)

2011-09-28T23:32:00.000-07:00

I think being a new mom is lonely no matter what the circumstances. You can go days with out talking to another adult, wearing anything but sweats or pajamas, or getting out of the house. Your kids drain any energy or sanity that you might be clinging too. I think this is mostly normal. It is a huge adjustment period, even if you couldn't wait for your child! Whether your child is your first, second or fifth, birth or adopted, there is still an adjustment period and it is hard.

I grew up in a very busy and loud home. As the oldest of four chaotic kids, there was always some one to hang out with or talk to. Our door was always open too. We were quirky, authentic, flawed and a whole lot of fun. Friends would come over just to watch TV or even hang out with my mom if us kids weren't home. I don't miss the chaos but I do wish there were more people around to talk to. I have Jon right now but we have very different communication styles and like our space from each other some times :) Having him home is an adjustment in itself. Thankfully, we've been too busy to really get at each other much!

It is hard to find a remedy for Mommy-loneliness right now. I think it is just a stage in my life. Once my kids are all in school I can get a regular job again! Most of my friends are either child less, so don't have patience to hang out with a mom and two rambunctious kids, or they are in the same situation as me. They have to be home for nap times, cleaning and cooking the same as me. They don't get out much, just the same as me :)

I think I'm feeling extra alone because of the different parenting situation I'm in. At least, I'm feeling like I'm in a different situation. Maybe all new moms feel like that. We are still figuring out how to parent Sofie properly. She needs a lot of parenting right now. I find myself questioning which parenting issues are just adoption issues, which are normal 3 year old issues and what are down syndrome issues.

As much experience as Jon and I have with people with different abilities, we don't really know anyone or have a lot of experience with kids. We have friends who have adopted babies (typical and different abilities) and older kids but know no one with toddlers. I don't get nearly as much advice from strangers or even family as I did, or even still do, with Livi. I'm mostly thankful for random people not butting in, but right now the silence is just echoing to me how unique our family is. No one knows what advice to give or what to say when I complain about Sofie hitting and pulling hair CONSTANTLY! Or the fact that she still rarely naps, but when she doesn't nap she is ridiculous from 3pm until bed time.

In my annoyed, easily disappointed state of mind, I get mad that our family is so unique. We shouldn't be. Why don't more people choose adoption? Why are people so scared of people with different abilities and quirks? Why, when strangers find out I have adopted a child with DS, feel the need to either question why I would choose to do that and some how get some understanding or clarity from the fact that I have a sister with DS or tell me some awkward anecdote about how they know some one with DS and would love to adopt "one" because of how cute and simple they are? One lady even told me she thought DS people would be easier to parent because they are easily manipulated. Wow. This lady was cutting my hair at the time and I was really at a loss for words. Having a sister with DS does NOT explain why we have adopted Sofie and please DO NOT talk about my kid like she is a puppy you want to take home.

Haha... this blog post did not turn out like I thought it would :) It sounds like I'm judging anyone for getting pregnant. I'm not. Pregnancy and birth are some of the most amazing things I have ever experienced but people get so attached to their ideals and what they think the perfect life should look like. People want what they want and they don't want to mess with anything by adding unknowns to the mix. News flash: There are a lot more unknowns with pregnancy than with adoption! My birth child is no more or less a miracle and no more or less my child than my adopted child is.

Anyways, I am going to go to a signing playgroup for families with kids with DS 0-5 years old next month. I'm really excited and I really hope I can connect with some other families with toddlers with DS. I think it will be good for all of us! I'm also going to make a real effort to go to the DS parent group once a month. I only went once when we were just starting the adoption process and haven't been since. Basically I just need to get out of the house and have some adult conversations!

I leave you with some amazing family photos that my friend took for us a few weeks ago! Enjoy...

The Results Are In - UPDATE

2011-09-25T22:53:00.000-07:00

Since we've been home from Bulgaria Livi has been complaining of stomach aches. It did not alarm us at first since everything was such a huge adjustment for her. She did not have Mommy or Daddy for 16 days and we brought back a sister who takes up a lot of attention away from her. We figured that all the added stress was most likely the cause of her tummy aches or possibly just a way to get some extra attention from us.

Her complaints did not seem to be subsiding though so at the one month mark we took her to doctor. Our doctor is wonderful. He normalizes everything while at the same time checking everything out very thoroughly. He suggested it most likely was stress or attention seeking or that she possibly wasn't emptying herself thoroughly when she went to the bathroom. Apparently this is common in toddlers and I have noticed that Livi will clench, literally hold it in until she has to let out a little turd and get off the toilet as quickly as she can.

The doctor ordered a batch of blood work, urine and an x-ray. Livi did so good with all of them. It broke my heart when she just lay her head on my shoulder crying while the needle was in her arm drawing blood. Friday the doctor's secretary called us and told us Livi's results were in and he wanted to see us.

My husband thinks I'm over reacting but I'm kind of freaking out about the results a bit. In my mind there are two possibilities. She could have a simple bladder infection or UTI which I am praying for! But, the more likely result is Celiac. If she has a UTI the doctor should have just ordered meds for her, right? Not made her wait the entire weekend. Celiac is known to sometimes need a trigger to become symptomatic. The stress of Mommy and Daddy being gone for so long could easily be the trigger.

Celiac is in my family. 3 out of 4 women in my immediate family have it. I have it, maybe I haven't had my trigger yet because I have no symptoms. Livi has a very high probability of having it too. The doctor said she is likely to be to young to have anything show up in her blood work but with what he all tested her for I don't know what else it could be.

I'm not on the Celiac diet because I have no symptoms but if Livi has it I will, of course, do it with her. I think that is part of why this is so devastating for me. I haven't accepted this for me, how am I going to accept this for her. It seems like such a difficult lifestyle change and especially so hard for a kid!

Okay, I hope I'm over reacting. I just needed to get my thoughts out and this is where I do it. I will update this post tomorrow after the doctors appointment and hopefully let you all know that I worked myself up for nothing! Please pray that it really is nothing and she doesn't have Celiac. A friend, who has Celiac, reminded me that there are much worse diseases one could have. She is right. I'm so blessed to have two healthy girls. Even with Celiac, Livi will still be a very healthy little girl. I just want the best for my girls and hope that Livi does not have to be deprived of paska, cake, yummy bread and all that comes with the deliciousness of gluten. I'm hoping this for myself too! I don't want to give it up yet!

UPDATE - Livi's Celiac results were inconclusive due to her age. Her body does not make enough antibodies to measure yet. The doctor is not saying she doesn't have Celiac for sure but she isn't deficient in anything now and seems to be healthy otherwise. We can test her again when she is older if we'd like.

Livi's problem is that she is seriously backed up. She has clenched so much that her intestines are stretching, causing the stomach pain. This could easily have been caused by the stress of us being gone. I didn't notice anything because she was still having a bowel movements each day. Apparently, she wasn't having enough of a bm. She's also had a history of being constipated when she was a newborn. I had to give her suppositories. This time we are doing lactulose. Just a bit until she is all cleaned out, and seriously upping her fiber intake. She is going to HATE this post when she is older :)

I'm so thankful we don't have to go gluten free, yet anyway. Thank you for all your prayers and support and I'm so glad this is an easy fix! If she ever does get diagnosed or I go on the diet, I'll be calling on you gluten free friends!

Belated One Month

2011-09-19T09:22:00.000-07:00

I missed blogging about Sofie's one month, so here it is!

Sofie has been home in Canada for over a month now and out of the orphanage for 6 weeks. I'm celebrating the one month from being in Canada because that is when we really felt like our adoption journey had ended and when we started seeing Sofie begin to develop. It has been such an eventful month. My entire life has completely changed! Some things are much more difficult than I had hoped they would be, but most of it is easier. Things are starting to calm down though. Sofie definitely has her fussy, grumpy days but for the most part we are on a schedule and things are getting a little more predictable.

Sofie has exceeded our expectations. She is now 22lbs, which is over 2 lbs up! Most of that has been in the last two weeks since she has begun to eat "real" adult food. On September 3rd she was still 20.6 lbs and was refusing to eat the baby food for her dinner so I decided to try and see if she'd eat what I was eating. She couldn't get enough and hasn't stopped since! She still doesn't chew probably so we have to be careful about the size but the textures don't seem to bother her too much! She is rather particular though. She will usually only eat off our plate. We've tried to trick her a few times in to eating the baby food I still have, so she has some trust issues :) She thinks if it is in her bowl then we are giving her baby food. Oops. Her development in the food area is amazing. I can still not get over how fast this transition was, especially with how big of an issue it was for her in Bulgaria!

She still has a bit of a hard time getting to sleep but this is slowly getting better. We have her on a strict schedule of up at 8am, nap 1-3pm and bed 8pm. We generally have to wake her up in the morning and at nap but if we let her sleep until she wakes up she will not nap at a decent time or go to sleep really late. She generally takes about an hour to relax enough to get to sleep. During this time we lay beside her crib, reassuring her, singing lullabies and modelling sleep :) The time to get to sleep is lengthened if she has been overstimulated during the day but in recent days we have had her asleep in 45 min! There have even been a few 30 minute down times and one 15 min! One particularly bad day we did give her a few drops of melatonin. It works really well for her. She goes straight to sleep with it. I think I'm okay with using it sporadically for her on rough days. She needs her sleep! Once she is asleep she generally sleeps the night through. There has only been a handful of nights where she has woken up crying. I love being able to teach her that I will always be there and come to her!

Sofie smiles every time we come in to the room. It is priceless. She is smiling and responding to us a lot more now too. It is quite awesome to see. She is a little moody though and can give the most deadly glares. When she is upset, mad, or frustrated, everyone knows it! She hits what ever or who ever is closest to her when she is mad and she can hurt! We are slowly figuring it out though. We remove her a few feet from what ever she is hitting or put her down. She usually yells at us then, but once she signs to us that she will be gentle she can come back up or get close again. Not sure if that is in any of the parenting books but it is working. I don't think she is ready for time outs or anything like that yet. Once she starts using her voice to talk, things should get a lot easier! Not sure if that is coming any time soon though.

She did say Mama though! On September 11 she was starting to cry in the hallway and called for me! Yay! She only says it when she is upset but she is saying it. It is the beginning! She understands a lot of English now, particularly when we are telling her not to do something :) Her thin hair patch is almost gone. It is filling in nicely. She rocks far less. We only see her rocking now when she is listening to music alone or when she is winding down to get to sleep in her crib. This is also a huge advancement. She rocked ALL the time in Bulgaria. She also clicks her jaw way less too!

Livi has been adjusting really well too. I think these last two weeks have really been great for her. She has realized Sofie is here to stay and her classes have started. She is in gymnastics on Wednesday nights and gets to go with one parent and no Sofie. She LOVES gymnastics and has been talking about it all summer. She is in the kindergym class now and doesn't have parent involvement. She is such a big girl! Her dance class has also started which she also really enjoys. We've pushed that these are things only big girls get too do and she takes a lot of pride in that. I think it helps her to have something that only she gets to do.

Livi is a very doting sister, most of the time. She helps out a lot in getting things for me to help with Sofie and likes playing with Sofie, even if Sofie doesn't usually like Livi in her personal space. They are both learning each other's boundaries though. Livi does get easily frustrated with Sofie but doesn't like it if any one else does, even Jon and I. If we use our "stern" voice, Livi is the first one to remind us that Sofie is just a baby and doesn't understand. Just the other day I was telling Sofie not to touch the TV and she was not listening. Livi could hear I was getting frustrated. She turned too me and put her hand up saying "I can handle it. I can handle it." I wasn't sure if it was a smart parenting move to let her handle it but she was so sure of herself and I thought it was too funny to step in.

Another precious sister moment was last week. Livi had woken up first, like she usually does, gone to look in Sofie's crib. When she came over to our room I asked her what she was doing.
"Just looking at Sofie."
I asked, "What were you thinking?"
Livi said, "Just thinking that Sofie is so beautiful."
My heart melted a little bit.

All in all, this first month has been really great. We are getting a routine figured out. Sofie is attaching really well and Livi is feeling loved and cared for too! Now if Jon and I could only figure out how to have energy to spend some quality time together we'd be set! I can't wait to see how well the next month goes!

Sofie's Blessing

2011-09-11T22:31:00.000-07:00

Today we celebrated the end to our adoption journey and the beginning of our newest parenting journey. My sisters helped throw Sofie a Welcome Home party! Around 40-50 of our closest family and friends were able to join us. It meant so much to us that everyone made such an effort to come out and meet Sofie. Sofie did really well with all the people there. She started getting fussy about 2 hours in but calmed right down when I took her inside for a break.

During the party we took a little time to incorporate Sofie's Blessing in. If you were reading my old blog when Livi was a baby you'll already know what this is. If not, I'll recap for you....

We have decided to do Blessings for our children instead of the typical Evangelical child dedications or the Orthodox baptisms. For Jon and I, being raised Evangelical, we both never really liked dedications. I couldn't wrap my mind around how I could dedicate a child to God who was already so completely and obviously of God and from God already. It didn't sit well with me. I also don't love the idea of having a dedication in a large church setting with people there who are not in your close community. In Evangelical dedication services that I've been too, they always have a part where the church affirms they will support the parents and hold them accountable to rear their child in a Godly manner. I'm sorry, that is just opening up a whole can of worms that I have issues with. Most of the church goers, in my experience, are not going to actually support the parents, so why vow to? If anyone who is not in my close community comes and tells me I am not raising my kids right or in accordance with their ideas of Godly rearing, there is going to be some very pointed and harsh words spoken. It is not their place. As for a baptism, this was more my issue. I just can't get totally on board with the theology behind an infant baptism, though I have no problem with other people choosing this.

A Blessing, for us, is a much better choice. We invite our friends and family, who we know are in our community who do and will support us. Because we have not really had any special bond with our church pastors, we have our closest friends do the blessings. This is also in part because when we did the Blessing for Livi as a baby, Jon's dad had just died and he would have done it for us. So, we needed our close friends involved to help fill that void. We chose to have the blessings in three parts. Blessing the Child, Blessing the Parents, and the Pastoral Blessing for the whole family. It is such a special and unique experience for us that seems to be catching on with our friends too!

Geoff was Jon's room mate all through college, best men at each others weddings, and have remained 'hetero-life mates'. He is also our most "pastoral/religious" friend so he was the obvious choice for the Pastoral Blessing. He opened up the ceremony and closed it with some words of affirmation and a prayer.

Brent was also one of Jon's room mates in college and we have remained good friends through out the years. Jon and Brent both met their wives in their college years and Mary and I have become good friends too! They are so good to us and help push us out of our comfort zones, which Jon and I need every once in a while. We asked them to do the Blessing for the Child. Mary made a beautiful quilt for Sofie as part of the blessing that will be treasured. Brent also read a poem to go with it.

Patchwork Quilt

This family is like a patchwork quilt

With kindness gently sewn

Each piece is an original

With beauty of its own

With threads of warmth and happiness

It's tightly stitched together

To last in love throughout the years

This family is forever.

- Unknown Author

Ben was another roommate of Jon's in college and the same as Brent, met his wife in his college years. All 6 of us have remained quite close through these last 10 years. Ben and Danielle became parents just a few months before we did, both times! So, they were the obvious choice to do the Blessing for the Parents :) Ben gave some words of wisdom and Danielle read a poem as well as gave some rocks with significant words of blessing written on them. The words were Space, Rest, Breathe, Release, and Gentleness. I've needed each of these things in the past few weeks and I'm sure in the coming years!

The Way

It is in spaciousness

That we breathe

Find stillness to rest in

Allowing what is

To be

Letting go of expectations

And embracing gentleness

As the way to truly heal

Opening and softening

We become

This is how we unlearn our way back to God.

- Lisa A McCrohan

All in all it was a fun party! My sister made a super amazing ladybug cake. She's been taking some cake decorating lessons and getting really good at it! The weather was amazing and we had the kid's pool out. I don't know what we would have done if it had rained. We felt so blessed by all the love and support we received from people. We truly are one lucky family. My only regret was that I didn't get to talk with everyone. I said goodbye to some people before I said hello to them. It is very different visiting when I have to attend to two little ones who need my constant attention and get in to everything!

Life is definitely full right now. Exciting, challenging, adventurous, difficult, joyful, fun, and frustrating all wrapped up together. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love my life, my husband, my girls, my family, and my friends :)

Livi got a few gifts at the Blessing too.

This apron was from her Uncle Tony and Aunt Lisa.

They searched high and low for this gift and it was much appreciated by Livi!

Goings On

2011-09-08T22:31:00.000-07:00

These last few days have been going much better. Getting to sleep for Sofie and Livi still really sucks but Jon and I are working at remaining calm. This is a very difficult task at times, particularly at night when Livi is being completely defiant and Sofie won't settle. Us being calm seems to really help Sofie especially. She seems to REALLY pick up on our moods. Sofie is still taking about an hour to go to sleep at nap time and sometimes longer at bed time. We are laying down beside her crib to reassure her until she is asleep or nearly asleep. It is easier to do when both Jon and I are in the room. Livi gets jealous of the attention to Sofie and acts out keeping Sofie up at bed time. With one of us with one kid each, things tend to go a bit smoother and we keep each other calm too! Our rooms are attached so we sleep with the door open and she can see us in our bed from her crib if she wakes up but we generally have to wake her up. We are trying a strict schedule of up at 8am, nap time at 1 until 3 whether she sleeps or not, and down by 8pm again.

Yesterday, I took Sofie to see Kathy. She is a doctor in Traditional Chinese Medicine. I love her. She has done a lot for my entire family. I can't recommend her enough! She made some suggestions of food to watch out for with Sofie that will hopefully help her get healthier and sleep better. She also recommended a few minerals that we are going to try. Sofie is obviously deficient in some of her nutrition and minerals but we are working hard at getting her healthy! The bags under her eyes that she had in the orphanage are almost gone and her color is so much better. She was so pale when we first got her. I'm so amazed at the change. Hopefully these mineral changes can help with her sleep too.

Melatonin really worked for Sofie. We had tried it at nap time for a few days and it really worked. She slept for over two hours both days but then wouldn't sleep until 10pm each night. We weren't sure which way was worse. We didn't want to give her more at night because we've heard that dependency can form on melatonin so we don't want to prolong or over use it at all. With her hour and a half settling time though, we are definitely thinking of using it again. We're going to give Kathy's suggestions a bit of time to work though before we go back to it.

We were able to go to the water park the other day. Sofie really liked the swing but the water was too cold for them to really play in. Livi is more of a pool girl anyways. With how much Sofie likes baths, I suspect Sofie is too.

Enjoying the swing way too much :)

Staying close to Mommy!

RUN!!!!

Sofie has all but not given up baby food! She refuses to eat her food unless it is the fruit purees. She has eaten fish and rice, taco salad and mac 'n cheese. She thinks that we are trying to trick her too and won't eat it unless it is off our plate from an adult fork! A little frustrating but great developmentally! She has made leaps and bounds in this area. She is still not chewing properly but it is coming. We just have to make sure she gets small bites and it is mostly soft. I'm not sure what we are going to do with all the baby food I bought!

Today was Livi's first day of gymnastics! All summer she has been talking about how she is going to gymnastics in September. She was so excited. She was in the big girl class all by herself with kids up to 5 years old! She didn't need Mommy or Daddy to do it with her. I must say I was exceptionally proud of her. She listened to the teacher like a pro and did everything! The teacher was really impressed with her jumping and bum drop ability! She starts dance on Tuesday then the following week both girls, with Mommy and Daddy, have a music class that I think is going to be tons of fun! Livi isn't in preschool yet so we figure some extra activities are good for her :)

A Rough Day

2011-09-04T23:26:00.000-07:00

Today was rough. Sofie hasn't napped in three days. I know some people might think that maybe she doesn't need to nap. She is three after all. Many three year old's have given up there naps. As her mother, I truly do not believe this is the case. If we can't figure this out, it may turn out to be the case, but in my gut I feel like she still needs naps. When she misses her naps she is tired, grumpy, hits and pulls hair more, has more melt downs and bigger food issues. She needs a nap. Quiet time isn't cutting it.

I had a melt down today too. Up until these last two days, I'd been doing really well. I think I have still been on the adrenaline of bringing Sofie home. I remember that same adrenaline when I had Livi. I felt like I could do anything. I had Livi on Thursday and I think it was Tuesday that we went out for the day, my house was clean and I wanted to show off my baby! The feeling hasn't been quite so drastic this second time around but it has lasted longer. I'm at week three today of having Sofie home and only now having my first melt down. I think with Livi it was within the first week.

There is such a thing as post-adoption depression, like postpartum depression. I don't think I am there. I think I am just entering the 'blues' stage. Like baby blues. I remember crying almost every day for a few months with Livi. I don't feel like that is going to happen with Sofie. I had a lot of other stuff going on when Livi was born. I am just adjusting, just like everyone else in my family.

Jon was trying to be sweet and supportive but he had had it with the kids today too. I think I handle it better when only one of us is at the end of our rope, but today we both were. He suggested I go out with a friend or my sisters tomorrow but I honestly don't have enough energy to go out. I wouldn't be relaxed. I would just be thinking of all the things at home that I should be doing or cleaning. I know he was trying to help. This is my issue right now. I feel like once I get the house clean again and things more organized then I can handle it all, but the reality is setting in that my house will never be clean! I'm living in a basement suite with a sub-standard kitchen and unless we want to invest some serious money, things will never be as organized as I want them. There will always be splatters of who-knows-what on various perplexing spots around the house and I will continually step on things that are lying in the floor. I know I'm exaggerating things but this is my reality right now. I'm trying to tell myself that this will pass but tonight it doesn't feel like it!

I don't like feeling this way though. I yelled at both my kids today... surprisingly it didn't seem to phase either of them. Livi had been defiant as usual and Sofie was trying to throw poo at me for the second time today. It was not my finest hour. I don't know exactly what needs to change in my thinking to handle this better. Sleep will help. What if Sofie never naps? I'll be alone in December and need to figure it out for myself. Losing control and yelling in frustration or anger scares me. I can't let myself go down that road. I know where that road leads and I will die before letting my kids experience any part of that. It is in me though. I think that is why it scares me so much. I will be better tomorrow. I know I will. I just need sleep.

Learning

2011-09-03T22:54:00.000-07:00

I've been a little behind on my blogging. Taking care of two three year olds is a lot of work! They are giant black holes of energy. It has been so much fun though. They are such an amazing blessing and I'm amazed at how much I am continuing to learn!

Being a parent of two is so different than one. My house is always dirty. Laundry is never ending. I continually find splatters of food in places that they weren't eating. Toys are every where and my floors are never clean, even right after I clean them! The biggest thing I am learning is to let my house go. It doesn't have to be clean at the end of each day. It is okay if there are toys in every room. If the dishes don't get done in the evening, I can catch up with them in the morning. I think I'm dealing with the every day messes okay, but when I've slacked a little and not cleaned the floors or bathroom all week I do get overwhelmed and grumpy about it. I'm learning to let the cleanliness of my house go.

I'm learning to cope on little sleep again. I'm getting more sleep than if we had brought home an infant, but it still isn't as much sleep as I was getting with only one kid! I want sleep with out feeling like I should be doing something else!

I'm learning what both of my girls need from me and when. Livi needs one on one time where she recognizes that I am choosing to spend time with her and not Sofie during this time. I realize that this has a lot to do with her jealousy issues right now but this is something that I can do for her, when the timing is appropriate and Jon is available to be with Sofie or she is sleeping. Morning cuddles have been something her and Jon have been enjoying and I've been spending some big girl time with her before bed while Jon puts Sofie to bed a little earlier than Livi. Sofie needs me to read her properly and move at her pace. I am getting much better at this but sometimes it takes her following me from room to room for 20 minutes before I realize she wants something. I need to slow down for her.

All three of us are learning things about Sofie and how to make everyone more comfortable. Jon and I are taking turns getting up early with the kids and feeding them breakfast. We are trying new solutions for Sofie's sleeping issues. Sleep sacks are going to be our saving grace for the winter for her and I actually think Sofie feels a little more secure in them. Our only problem is going to be finding them big enough for her. It may resort to me trying to remember how to sew! Staying asleep is not Sofie's problem, but getting to sleep peacefully can be a little challenging still, particularly at nap times. We are laying with her until she is asleep but this is still not always working well. I think we are going to see if white noise helps her. We just need to figure out something that she can't reach and that doesn't bother Livi to much. My sister suggested Melatonin which I think I'm going to try too :)

Livi is handling Sofie's issues like a pro. Each of them have there daily melt downs but I figure this is fairly neormal too. They have both been through a lot of changes. Sofie can't communicate all her frustrations well yet and Livi is a little too good at communicating sometimes :)

This is one of the reason's we need sleep sacks for her.

She tosses and turns like you wouldn't believe and there is no hope of keeping a blanket on her.

I was really proud of Livi's "realistic" drawing! She said it was a

car with a tail!

These first few weeks have been filled with eager visitors wanting to meet Sofie. Sofie has been handling the changes, new people and new language amazingly. She has exceeded our expectations. I had expected to shelter her a lot more than we are. I had expected to have her regress at first. I had expected more tantrums and fear from her. I didn't think I'd want people touching her and picking her up.

Every once in a while people picking her up does make me stop and wonder if it is too soon, but I remind myself that she is three years old. A three year old wants people to play with her. We are still very diligent in being the ones to comfort her and respond when she is fussing but it is okay that she plays with other people, I think. She may have regressed a little in the food area but she has made leaps and bounds in the past few days. Yesterday she packed away more food than I ever thought she could. Her stomach was hard and protruding! Today she ate "real" rice and pesto salmon! Not pureed! I could cry I am so proud! Plus she ate it off my fork! A big fork that poked her tongue and everything! This is seriously a big milestone people :)

Sofie meeting Opa and DD!

Sofie meeting Uncle Tony!

Auntie Lisa meeting Sofie!

Tonight was also another big milestone. Sofie woke up for the first time, during the night, crying. I got to pick her up and hold her while she settled, whispering that she was safe and Mommy had her. This is something I doubt she has ever experienced. It was such a beautiful moment for me. I was then thinking how different these milestones are from having a birth child. This tiny moment around 10:30 at night holding my crying daughter was as special to me as the first time Livi took her first steps or rolled over. It was magical.

Simple Gifts

2011-08-27T21:01:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine made us a CD as a gift for bringing Sofie home and song caught my attention. We had just finished eating lunch. I was cleaning up the table. Both girls were playing in the living room, smiling, banging things, and being perfect children. It was a perfect simple moment with my gifts.

Simple Gifts - Jewel

Its a gift to be simple, Its a gift to be free,
Its the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
Will be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend, we will not be ashamed,
To turn, turn, will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come round right

Its a gift to be simple, Its a gift to be free,
Its a gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
Will be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend, we will not be ashamed,
To turn, turn, will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come round right
Till by turning, turning we come round right

Life

2011-08-24T22:48:00.000-07:00

Life is good... hard, but good. I'm going to talk for a minute about the hard stuff....

Helping Daddy with the recycling.

This adoption is truly a dream come true, but it has brought with it a lot of challenges. Most of the challenges were considered and expected before hand, but it still doesn't make it easy! Jon and I had talked excessively about the possibility of Sofie having certain behavioral issues but we had hoped we'd slide by with out Livi having too many issues. For the most part Livi is doing really well but she is having some jealousy and regression. She usually wants the parent who is taking care of Sofie at the moment. She has been very defiant, overly emotional and tells us she is going to do things that are not allowed. She has showed her regression too. I don't quite understand it and am finding it so frustrating. She has been potty trained for well over a year and in the past two days she has peed her pants 3 times and partially pooped in her pants twice.

I know Livi is in transition and her whole world has been interrupted and turned around. We didn't bring home a tiny baby who just sits there, sleeps, and eats. We brought home a walking three year old who engages with us, seeks out our attention and has her own little personality. It seems to be very different from my friends experiences. Easier in some ways but harder in others.

Bed time at night is the worst. Each night Livi is ridiculous. She won't lay down, bangs the wall, lays down the other way, wakes up Sofie so she gets out of bed and get us to come back in the room, and has a million excuses to gets out of bed. It is so beyond frustrating. Bedtime, which used to be a 15 minute routine is now up to an hour and a half. It is so ridiculous.

Tired out from the sun :)

Sofie is doing so much better than we could have hoped for. She is still indiscriminate with who she approaches and plays with but she is coming to us for food and comfort. I don't think I've seen her go to any one else for that recently. Her eating has improved more than I could imagine. She rarely cries during meals now and she has a pretty good appetite! She is still VERY picky about what she eats and prefers sweet things. What kid doesn't, right? She eats 8 month old baby food. The 12 month stuff has chunks which she won't eat. She still hasn't drank much. We tend to get a few sips of chocolate milk, and sometimes milk, in to her each day. Yesterday her Gramma got some juice and water in!!! This is the first time she has drank water since being at the orphanage! Yay Gramma!!!

Clapping with Auntie Maggy!

Sofie is very quiet but she is definitely discovering her voice. She has started letting people really know when she is mad... usually because we are taking her out of the bathroom. She is starting to say mama more but I'm still not sure she is associating it with us. She is cuddling with us as she goes to sleep, instead of doing her orphan rocking thing that I hate! I love cuddles with my kids and I love that Sofie is choosing to cuddle with us! She is playing with toys too, which is so awesome. She stacks rings, loves playing with necklaces and tea sets. I think she might end up being really girly. She doesn't like barrettes in her hair yet though. She just started kissing us today though! I love it! They are so cute and usually have a little tongue in there but I think that is fairly normal for her developmental level. She can wave goodbye and blow kisses to. That came from the orphanage.

Sofie still grinds her teeth and clicks her jaw but she doesn't do nearly as much as she did in the beginning! The grinding teeth is also a symptom of low muscle tone and control in her jaw, not just a coping mechanism of the orphanage. She rocks way less... I will sometime go all day with out seeing her do it. She must be feeling so much safer and dependent on us to help her cope. She doesn't need that extra coping mechanism! Hooray!

Happy girl :) Signing for food here.

Nap times still suck though. Today, she took nearly two hours to get to sleep at nap time today. But she did finally sleep! The parents of child with DS need to more stubborn than the child! She doesn't generally cry like she used to when going to sleep. She just takes for ever to settle. Surprisingly she goes to sleep much smoother at night. Livi has the issues at night. Sofie's sleep is very unsettled. She is a pretty heavy sleeper but very unsettled. She tosses and turns like you couldn't even imagine. Most days she is ending up on the floor. She usually falls off feet first and doesn't hurt herself, but sometimes it is head first... I think we should probably set up the crib. I feel kind of bad for Sofie because in the orphanage she wasn't allowed to explore her world and never got hurt. In the first few weeks she has been with us she's gotten a few bumps on the head, a scraped knee, and a few good scratches on her arm! I think it is good for her though :)

We took her to see a fabulous pediatrician who looked her over and is making some referrals for us. The appointment will cost us over $200 because we don't have Sofie's citizenship card yet and can't get her Care Card with out it! I hope it comes fast. The pediatrician said she does have a murmur in her heart that we'll check out and wants to get a baseline for a bunch of things but over all she is doing well. Of course she is under weight and he thought what we were doing was fine. Basically get anything we can in to her, no matter what it is. She is 20lbs. That is in the 5th percentile of the DS growth chart and up half a pound since we got her, assuming the scales were both accurate. If I remember right she is 32 inches tall, which puts her under the 25th percentile for height. We also met with the Child Development Center this week. Sofie will get Physiotherapy, Occupational therapy and Speech Therapy! Yay! The CDC was really great too! Sofie is definitely getting a good start!

Riding on Daddy! Way to much fun!

Being goofs.

Bedtime story!

As far as parenting, I think I'm really starting to feel attached and like Sofie's mom. I love her completely, although it is still easier to love her in her easy, happy times. I think that is true with any child though :) It seems to be growing more slowly than with Livi though. I don't quite remember how things progressed with Livi. I remember not feeling it right away like Jon but I don't know exactly when I was fully attached. With Sofie, I think I'm so much more aware of the process and analyzing all my feelings. Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

With Livi, I was the main caregiver, I was her food and usually her comfort. I spent 24/7 with her. I didn't have the freedom to go out for more than an hour with out her. I felt like I was the only one who knew what she wanted and needed and when. With Sofie, Jon is home full time until December (yay for government jobs and topping up EI!). I'm not the only one who can feed and comfort Sofie. He is very much in the exact same role as me here. I love this experience, but it is so different. I feel like I should feel guilty if I leave Sofie at home and take Livi grocery shopping, but I don't. I enjoy grocery shopping sometimes and am loving the one on one time with my first daughter. Is this normal? I think it probably is.

3

2011-08-21T22:59:00.000-07:00

Today my baby is 3. Where has the time gone? I'm so proud of the little girl that she is becoming. When we came home with Sofie it seemed as though Livi had grown up over night and now we get to celebrate her being officially out of the toddler years! She is now officially in her preschool years. Wow.

First wake up picture as a 3 year old!

She kept saying she was two so we had to correct her.

Yesterday we had a small family party, with some wonderful party crashers, to celebrate Livi's birthday. It was quite a lovely day actually. The girls were both in great moods, for the most part. We just had a laid back time of visiting. The weather was really warm so Livi, Rebecca and Jude played in the blow up pool. I had made up a few water balloons for them too. Jon's mom got him good too!

Good shot!

Covering her face for her surprise present from Mommy and Daddy!

It was a kitchen center.

Blowing out the candles!

Sofie enjoying Uncle Brent's hat at the party!

I got Livi out for her annual birthday photo shoot today. Not the easiest thing in the world because she wasn't really wanting it and I was so tired, but I got a few beauty shots. I know I am biased but I think she is beyond beautiful, inside and out!

This is a bit of a transitional birthday for Livi. She is doing really well but showing some signs of regression and jealousy towards her new sister. She peed her pants twice today, which was unheard of before, and she is always wanting the parent who is with Sofie at the time. I feel bad for her and am feeling pretty guilty for how frustrated I've gotten towards her. I need to remember that her whole world has been disrupted and she is in transition just like Sofie is. I need patience!

Other than that Livi is flourishing. She is starting to figure out how to spell words, like her name and "stop" which she recognizes from the signs. She also almost has her phone number memorized. She has the first part down but frequently mixes up the numbers at the end. She can almost get in to a head stand all by herself. After we help her up she can hold it for a long time. She is very excited about gymnastics in September! She loves building towers, helping Mommy cook, dance, sing, playing with her farm animals and playing on Mommy's iPhone. She also has girly days where she pushes her baby around in it's buggy all day and puts her jewelry on. She LOVES to color, read books, play play doh and paint. She is way to smart for her own good and finds loop holes in Mommy and Daddy's rules. It is hard to be a good parent when you are trying to stifle giggles at the awesome logic of a 3 year old! She loves watching her new sister, giving her hugs and kisses and helping out where she can, like with feeding her or guiding her somewhere. She adores animals and loves swimming! I don't think she has a favorite cartoon character any more. We've actually been watching far less TV with both girls around to play with each other. She still sleeps with her Elmo and Fuzzy every night though and keeps her Bunny close by!

I'm so proud of who my baby is growing in to and I'm so excited to see who she becomes. It is going to be amazing!

The First Few Days

2011-08-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

I think we are all settling in to our new lives as well as we could possibly hope for. We are all figuring out our new routines and what Sofie and Livi need from Jon and I. I am loving waking up to my girls every morning. They both wander out of their room and give huge smiles at our bedside each morning.

Jet lag hasn't been too much of an issue. We've felt a little sick but sleeping is going great! It was much easier coming home with jet lag was much easier than going to Bulgaria. In Bulgaria we kept waking up at 2am hungry! We've been sleeping through the night fine! The girls have been too!

Both girls are on the same schedule already which I'm pretty amazed at. They are even sleeping in the same room relatively fine too! They go to sleep at night around 8pm and have been asleep before 9 each night. Jon or I generally "sleep" in the big chair with them for the first 30 minutes until they are both settled. Nap times have been a little more difficult but we only had to move Livi to our bed once. They have both eventually napped each day. I'm convinced that so far this is MUCH easier than having had a birth child.

Having a fun first bath together!

Jon and I are really enjoying both of our girls! Livi is a doting, patient, understanding sister. She wants to hold Sofie's hand and hug her all the time but is really good a backing off when Sofie has had enough. She always wants to know where Sofie is and be in the same room as her. Sofie is developmentally at a 9-12 month old baby with a 3 year olds strength and agility. She hits and pulls hair. We are working hard at teaching her that is not appropriate. I have been amazed by how Livi is handling that. If Sofie is hitting, Livi backs off immediately. When Sofie grabs her hair, Livi just goes still and quietly waits for Jon or I to deal with Sofie. She hasn't cried, or even been mad at Sofie. We explain daily that because Sofie can't talk she shows her fear and frustration by hitting, but we need to teach her other ways. Livi seems to be really understanding. She is empathizing too and said yesterday that if she were Sofie she'd be really scared moving to a new home and country too. I'm so proud of my big girl. Livi is definitely exhibiting some frustration and inappropriate behaviours, but I'm not sure if this is more because of Sofie or more because she had so many different rules with different caregivers for two weeks. I'm sure it is a combination.

Meeting Opa :)

Picture time!

Posing with Oma!

It is so much harder to get a good picture with two kids!

Sofie seems to be adjusting really well too. She gives us lots of smiles. She is eating SO much better too. She still prefers baby pablum cereal but we are pushing other food and this morning discovered she loves mushed up banana and Cheerios! We even got a few sips of chocolate milk in her! She has her fussy times in the day but is pretty content most of the time. She has done great with Parker. We were worried, but we introduced them by showing her that we could hold and pet him. She was totally fine and has even pet him since by herself! She is doing okay in her big girl bed. We have a rail up but she has still managed to fall out of bed two out of the four nights we've been home. I think we are going to keep trying her in the bed though... unless she starts falling out more nights than she stays in... or breaks something :)

Sofie's first hair cut with us.

Her bangs were driving me nuts so this was a priority :)

Sofie and Livi are slowly starting to play together and Sofie is learning a lot from her sister! The first morning the girls were waiting in the living room for Jon and I to get breakfast ready. I walked in and found both girls standing on the coffee table and Livi trying to teach Sofie how to jump on to the couch! I think we are in for some pretty awesome adventures! In the two weeks we've had Sofie and the 4 days we've been home Sofie has developed so much. She cries so much less when it comes too food. She's drank a little today! She understands the signs for 'more', 'all done' and 'food'. She looks plumper. I'm not sure how much weight she has actually gained but her tummy is rounder and I think she has more water in her body or something because I swear there is more meat on her. The bags under her eyes when we first met her are mostly gone. She has been putting more things in her mouth and exploring her oral development! She is even starting to play with toys! She was stacking rings yesterday and playing with Livi's teacup... not throwing them!

I finally ironed out the confusion about seeing a pediatrician and am taking Sofie to see a highly recommended pediatrician tomorrow morning. We have an appointment with the Child Develpment Center on Tuesday. Friends are starting to stop by for visits and I'm thankful for the company and support. Sofie is on the right track and I get to join her on the journey. She has already taught us so much and added so much to our lives. I'm so thankful for her! I feel so content right now.

Coming Home - Aug 14

2011-08-16T20:02:00.000-07:00

Sunday morning, Sofie woke up just before 8... that's 10pm on Saturday for BC'ers. Keep this in mind....

We left for the airport around 11:30am and took off on our first flight from Sofia to London at 2:15pm Bulgarian time. Sofie fell asleep pretty quickly after take-off. The first 4 hour flight was quite uneventful and stress free... despite over 10 kids on the small plane. Sofie slept for the first hour and a half though!

Ready to go!

Getting in to and out of London was a little more stressful. We weren't sure where to go for the connecting flight and we weren't counting on having to go through security again. London was a little more stringent on their security standards then Sofia. Since we had baby food with us they searched both our bags, took everything out, made me taste 50% of the sealed jars and had us repack it all. They were nice about it but it was still really annoying. Sofie was getting frustrated and acting out a little plus we only made our connecting flight with just five minutes to spare. Jon was freaking out a little.

The 9.5 hour flight from London to Vancouver was, at times, very low. Sofie slept five minutes here and there and between hours 4-6 she just cried on and off... Mommy did too. I felt terrible for her. She was so uncomfortable and miserable. There was nothing we could do to help her. Thankfully, she cries pretty quietly so she didn't disturb to many other passengers. For only sleeping for a total of two hours in the 23 hours of being awake Sofie did incredible. I don't know how it was physically possible for a toddler to be awake that long and be so mellow, but she is making it a habit of surprising us every day!

So Tired.

Finally landing around 6:45pm was such a release of emotions. Sofie was officially a Canadian citizen upon landing on Canadian soil and we were so close to seeing Livi! We had one or two more passport checks to get through and luggage to claim then we were free. Everything seemed to move pretty quickly and we raced to get out of there!

Everyone waiting! Jeremy and Andrew's girlfriend are behind people.

Sessa was taking the picture.

Racing to Livi!

I started crying even before we reached the turn to the meeting area. I was holding Sofie and Jon was pushing the cart. Everyone was at the front of the waiting area. I remember hearing Liz, I think, say "there they are!" I think I started running at this point. Livi was screaming "There's Mommy and Daddy!" She had a big sign too but I could only see her clearly. She was on the verge of tears too but I think happy tears confused her :) I grabbed her up in my one arm with Sofie in my other. She kept looking at my "wet" face and back at Sofie. Jon was a few short steps behind me and scooped Livi up from me. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. All four of us were together.

Together!

Livi was in awe.

Livi was fascinated with her "sister Sofie". It was so precious. She wasn't sure if she could touch her or not... I think she just wanted to feel if she was real and give her hugs and kisses. Sofie was a little overwhelmed but took it in stride as usual! We sat in the arrival for a few minutes while everyone took a ton of pictures and got their chance to say hi. The car ride home was long but I think I fell asleep so it passed by quickly. Sofie fell asleep, finally around 9pm in the car too. That's right, she slept for two hours in twenty three!

Meeting Auntie Liz!

Meeting Auntie Sessa!

Meeting Marmee!

Meeting Gramma!

When we got home, we just transferred Sofie to her bed and collapsed ourselves. For the first night we had decided that we would try Sofie on her 'big girl' bed, Livi could choose who she wanted to sleep with in our bad and the other parent would sleep in Livi's bed by Sofie. This was a great arrangement and the timing of getting home was perfect! We all slept until 8 in the morning! Hooray! Livi woke up once to go pee and then was scared of Sofie's snoring :) Although she had originally chosen to sleep with Daddy, when she got scared she wanted Mommy :) I was fine with that because it meant I could sleep in my own bed! Jon was a little miffed that I stole his spot but since it was 3 in the morning I figured we each got about half a night in the good bed!

Waking up, at home with both my girls was priceless. We pulled them both in bed for some cuddles. Livi was adoring and Sofie was eating it up! This moment was what we had been waiting for. It was perfect. I love my girls.

Morning cuddles!

Sister Love!

Goodbye Bulgaria!

2011-08-14T00:39:00.000-07:00

We leave today! Thank God! All three of us get to go home together! I thought I would put together a Likes and Dislikes list to commemorate our goodbye....

Things I Like about my time in Bulgaria:

The history!
The random Roman artifacts laying around the city.
The buildings and architecture!
The driving... it is so fast. I believe I was born to drive in Europe, Canada can't handle me.
The luxury for cheap!
Cheap Taxis.
Cheap alcohol.
The hospitality of people.
The shoes!
The fashions, particularly jumpers.
The weather has been awesome!
Most people here speak a little bit of English! It makes it a lot easier on us English-only speakers!

Things I Dislike about my time in Bulgaria:

The standard of waiting tables. Horrible. They don't check on you. They don't bring your bill. They take forever. Food comes out at different times!
The uneven and un-kept sidewalks.
Graffiti everywhere.
How the poor are soooo poor. That sounds weird. But it is true. The homeless in Vancouver are poor but there are things in place to help them and make sure they get food and sometimes shelter. The poor here don't have any safe guards. They wanted our left over food. A Vancouver homeless person would never do that. This is a big place that Bulgaria could step up.
The food. Some of it tastes quite delicious but it is so different. I have not had a normal bowel movement since I've been here... both extremes.
The orphanage system. My views on this are obviously apparent already.
How EVERYONE chain smokes here. Seriously, how are they all not dying of cancer?
The lack of recycling and water conservation. One of their main exports is mineral water and everyone drinks it here so there is SO much glass and plastic bottles wasted!
How this is a very child-unfriendly country. Not much for little kids to do, no kids menus or crayons in restaurants, and I only saw a handful of local kids at all!

Being here with Sofie really was the right choice. Her having our undivided attention has been pretty invaluable. I think it will really go a long way on this attachment journey. She has come so far this week with us too! She already understands the signs for 'more', 'all done' and 'food'. She cries WAY less while eating, mainly because we aren't force feeding her and she is now able go communicate when she wants more or she is all done! She will still go to random people but she definitely recognizes Jon and I and will choose who she wants to hold her and when. She loves tickles and getting a reaction from us when she rolls herself off the bed and we run to catch her. She LOVES baths... to much. I swear she said "mama" in the bath today too! Not sure she completely understands what it means though. She loves music, dancing and interacting with people. I am so beyond excited to get home to where I am comfortable and where I can be with BOTH of my girls but I have really appreciated what I have learned and experienced while in Bulgaria. I am so thankful to this country for giving us such a precious, wonderful child!

We are off now! Pray for an uneventful trip, with no tantrums from Mommy, Daddy or Sofie and pray that Sofie eats well and we have enough cereal for her to last the trip... it will be cutting it close!

PS - My sister is going through a hard time today. The girl she works for got really sick all of the sudden, was put on life support and has chosen to be taken off today. She's had many medical issues throughout her life and was tired. It doesn't look like she will make it. She is very young and very loved by many. Pray for peace for everyone. It will be a day of extreme's for Sessa... meeting her niece tonight, after possibly losing one of her dear friends the same day.

The End - Aug 12 & 13

2011-08-13T12:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a getting-things-done-because-we-are-leaving-in-two-sleeps-day! We had to find gifts for all the wonderful people who have watched our child for these last two weeks. There is LOTS of clothes stores here but I wasn't about to buy clothes for every one, plus the clothes fit really small apparently. There are a few jewelry stores around but they are all kind of cheap jewelry, like the kind you'd find at Claire's or Ardene's in the mall in BC.

After breakfast Jon and I headed out to Anido one last time. We owed Alex a little more money that we didn't have on us the day before. We said our goodbyes then continued on our shopping ventures. Sofie was a little fussy and tends to make shopping more difficult in the best of times so I went to the mall alone and Jon went back to the hotel with Sofie. This was a much less stressful approach. I was able to look and decide with out the pressures of a whining baby and husband! I found some little treasures I think :)

Sofie got a little ridiculous in the afternoon because she had only slept for about 15 minutes. We had planned to go look for an icon at the Cathedral together, but Sofie had other plans. We made it too the lobby where we sat down and offered her food, again, which she didn't really want. She didn't really want anything... or she wanted everything, not sure which. Jon went on to the Cathedral alone and I stayed in the lobby waiting and entertaining our babe. I did get to enjoy a chocolate mouse and rum and coke while we waited though!

Jon had his own adventure. As he was passing through the market in front of the Cathedral, he stopped to look at a possible gift for someone. The owner of the little stand grabbed him and started yelling at him in Bulgarian. Apparently, he didn't want Jon to touch the treasure. Not sure if he thought Jon was going to steal it or break it, but he should be allowed to touch if he is interested in buying it, right? Anyway, since he was shaken up from the encounter he ended up going the wrong direction back and took a lot longer to get back to us... giving me time to justify my treat :)

We didn't go out as far as we were planning for dinner. Although Sofie had calmed down a little bit, she was no where near her happy self yet. We stayed close to home and went to one of our regular restaurants for dinner. After Skyping with Livi we attempted to put Sofie to bed... That took an epic hour and a half. She finally fell asleep on the floor and we moved her to the bed. Jon and I watched Tosh.O on You Tube until much to late then settled in for a long peaceful sleep :)

Sofie slept in until 9am on the 13th! Yay! After brunch we went for a little walk in the park behind our hotel. We tried to get Sofie to play on the play ground but there were a lot of kids and she really didn't know what to do. So we went to sit by the fountain and took a little walk. When we came back to our room we all had a two hour nap! Go Sofie! Thank you!

Hanging out by the fountain.

The beautiful fountain behind our hotel in front of the National Theater.

Mommy and her baby!

"What are you looking at?"

"Our" beautiful park!

Random statues every where. This one didn't make sense to me.

Gettin' her groove on and waking up with some pop music videos.

I hate rap, random girls singing and gyrating, and Justin Beiber.

We took it easy in the afternoon. I think Jon and I are just really done being here and very excited to get home tomorrow! We went for dinner, came back to the hotel for Skyping and baths, then bed time. Sofie was not going to bed tonight. Maybe she could pick up on our excitement? Anyway... finally and 9:45pm Jon slung her and went for laps around the park. Finally success! I finished packing while he was out and now just have to check in for our flights tomorrow!

Happy Birthday To Me - Aug 11

2011-08-11T23:54:00.000-07:00

Today was my birthday. I am 29 years old. One more year left and I'm 30! Saying it out loud sounds old but I still feel like I'm in my early 20's and don't know what I'm doing half the time.

The day started out by Jon letting me sleep in a little bit... until it was his turn. When I got up I fed Sofie and gave her a bath because she still had food in her hair from the day before. I finally got Jon up to go shopping for gifts for everyone back home. It's been a little difficult to shop here. There are so many stores but nothing that seems very quality and they are all kind of the same. Maybe I'm just being to picky. We went to the flea market in front of the Alexander Nevski Cathedral. There is some hand made arts and crafts there but mostly WWII memorabilia. Do you want a compass with a swastika on it? That's where to get it! Lots of communist stuff too. We found a few little gems in the market. Sofie napped in the sling most of this time, which was fine with us! Two days in a row! Hooray!

Daddy's turn with his sling!

We made our way to the Anido office to take them out to lunch as a thank you for everything. Lunch was a lot of fun. Neli, the President of the Anido, Alex, our contact for Anido, and Nasko, our translator came with us. We learned a lot! Apparently, when Alex had gone to the orphanage to get video of Sofie for us, he had to wear a mask because of apparent germs from the outside. Poor Sofie must have been scared of this weird masked man with a video camera! Also, on our first visit to the orphanage, we were not supposed to be allowed to take pictures of Sofie. Nasko kept this from us though and just handled it. He told the staff that since Sofie is our legal child we most certainly we allowed! Thank-you Nasko! Those first pictures of meeting Sofie are so special to us and to our family and friends! Apparently there was some problems with the previous director of the orphanage too, but Alex didn't go in to detail about it, so I don't know what that all meant.

We loved getting to know the three of them and really felt their genuine joy for what they do. It isn't just their job. They really believe in the well-being of these orphans. Alex, especially, is so caring towards kids and Sofie. He is always wanting to play with her and hold her. His wife and him had some fertility problems and even did IVF a few times. IVF finally worked and they got there little girl they were hoping for! Although he hasn't adopted I think he has a real appreciation for these kids and understands what a lot of the adoptive parents have been through. Neli is also a lawyer and is on the board of people who are revamping the Bulgarian child protection laws. She seems to really have a passion for plight of the under privileged children in Bulgaria. She was quite interested in learning what kind of supports and services we will be utilizing once we were back in Canada. Nasko is just a really kind and humble man. He has one son, about the same age as my girls, so he related and played well with Sofie.

Our goodbye lunch!

Left to Right - Neli, Me, Sofie, Jon, Alex, Nasko

Sofie did so well with our big morning out so we decided to take it easy in the hotel room for the afternoon. We played, cuddled and Skyped with Livi! We found a bottle of wine on our bar too with a birthday card from the hotel! Fancy Schmancy! After we took notice of how much money we had left Jon said I could get a massage for my birthday in the spa downstairs! Since the massages are so cheap here ($35 Canadian for a full body massage in a 5 star hotel!), he threw in a facial! Right after Skyping with Livi, I got to enjoy an hour and a half of pampering! It felt so nice. I love how open Europeans are with their bodies too. They don't think it is a big deal. The girl did leave while I was undressing but then just took off the towel that was draped on me and left half my butt showing for most of it. Then when I was dressing to change rooms for the facial the new girl walked in, she did apologize, but then just stood there waiting with the door open :) That would never happen in Canada! I could do with out some of the sexual art in the coffee stops over here, but a little nudity never hurt anyone! Lets face it, we all like to be naked!

My birthday present from the hotel!

I returned from my massage to find my baby sleeping! Jon had a really easy time putting her to bed with out me! I was so thankful for that. I love this co-parenting thing :) We opened the wine and lay down to watch a few episodes of Hell's Kitchen we've been missing while we've been here. We got to bed a little late but all in all, a really fabulous birthday!

Still Here - Aug 9 & 10

2011-08-10T07:10:00.000-07:00

Tuesday was started on the heals of a really bad night for Sofie. She woke up a few times crying and woke up early. So Jon and I took turns napping in the morning. We all just hung out in the air conditioned room too. It was apparently 38 degrees outside. Sofie, of course didn't nap today either so we headed out for some lunch around 12:30pm. I was very hungry by that point!

Sofie was, as usual, smiles and giggles, although she hadn't been wanting to be held as much. She is probably just really over stimulated and not sure how to process everything. I literally can not wait to get home with her. She did really impress us with her verbal abilities today! We've really only heard "aaaahhhh's" from her but today she whipped out a few "bababa's" and even a few "mamama's"! I'm not sure I can get too excited to think that she is associating me to those "mama's". She showed some preferential treatment to me today too! She wanted me to carry her instead of Jon a few times and when I was napping she kept coming over to see if I was awake yet. It melts my heart a little... She's only been with us 5 full days!

After lunch we ventured over to the National Archaeological Museum. Incredible place. There were so many Roman artifacts, as well as Thracian artifacts, and the oldest piece of bone with expressions drawn on it in Europe. It dated back over 1.1 million years ago! The also had pots and tools dating back to 3-6 million years before Christ! Crazy! I wasn't supposed to snap pictures but I snuck in a few...

4th-6th Century family portraits!

An old Roman tomb.

The old mosaic floor from the St. Sofia Apse.

An old tomb and stones hanging outside the Museum.

In the evening we Skyped with Livi again we headed out for dinner. We knew this was pushing Sofie's schedule a bit but we thought with her sleeping in we could get away with it. We barely did... We went to a cute little Moroccan place with some really good food. A stray cat made an appearance and Sofie surprised us with being really scared of it, even from far away. Uh oh... we have a cat. I'm not sure if she's ever seen one or if she's had a bad experience with one. I hope she gets over it quickly. She fell asleep during the walk home and it was a really easy transition to bed! Yay!

Pretty restaurant.

Kisses!

Ewww! No tongue Sofie!

Quite pleased with herself.

We thought Wednesday was going to start off really early. Sofie woke up at 6:30am. I put her on the floor because she was tossing and turning and kicking us, she is the CRAZIEST sleeper I have ever seen. She promptly lay down on the floor and fell asleep for another 3 hours! Hooray! Mommy and Daddy were definitely thankful. We paid the price a little bit because she woke up hungry. When she gets over hungry she cries... okay, she usually cries when it comes to food, but she cries more when she is over hungry then doesn't want anything. We coaxed a few bites in to her, enough to satisfy her we thought, then went downstairs for our own brunch. I offered her some more food there but she only wanted Daddy's bread and kept stuffing the whole thing in her mouth. When we got back up to the room I tried offering her some more food and she ate a lot more! Maybe the restaurant was too stimulating.

We decided to venture out to a big toy store in search of Livi's requested 'Tiger', some pants for Sofie that don't fall down, and some more baby food. We had hoped to go to the Zoo today but it was pouring! When we got back We thought Sofie was ready for a nap, but of course we were wrong :) So, Jon and I lay down while she quietly walked around the bed. Eventually, she fell asleep on the floor again! Yay for nap time! It is quite a late nap so I don't know what this will mean for bed time later but I guess every day is an adventure with Sofie! I should really wake her up though... it is 5 pm here!

Oh, I forgot to mention that I emailed the Embassy today and heard back that Sofie's Visa is approved and getting couriered to us today! That means it should get here by tomorrow or Friday! Thanks for all the prayers! I'm SO excited for all of us to get home together!

Just a few pictures from dinner tonight too....

Trouble...

Double Trouble!

* Side note: A few people have been asking about Sofie's size. Right now she is the top of a 12 month old and the waist of a 9 month old... I think she is too tall for 9 month pants though. Not sure yet. We are getting by with 12 month size bottoms that have the elastic in the waist that I can tighten though. She can get by with some 18 month stuff but only if it fits small. So, basically, if you are planning to give her anything she could immediately use some 12 month end of summer/early fall clothes but we are hoping to fatten her up to an 18 month size for winter! *

7 Years - Aug 8

2011-08-08T13:36:00.000-07:00

Today is Jon and mine's 7 year wedding anniversary! It is so weird to think that I am old enough to have been married for 7 years. It might as well be 30! Okay, maybe not. But I feel pretty blessed to have been able to spend 7 years with such a wonderful man! No "itch" yet ;)

10 Things I Love About Jon and Our Marriage:

1. I love that we are so different. I know this probably falls under "things I hate about our marriage" but being so different balances us.
2. I love the Sex... Yup, I just said it :)
3. I love Jon's hugs.
4. I love how much I have learned from Jon and continue learning.
5. I love how we are both COMPLETELY on the same page when it comes to raising our kids and expanding our family.
6. I love how geeky he is... but don't tell him that!
7. I love how trust worthy Jon is as a husband and man.
8. I love how giving he is. Not just to the needy or charities, but he doesn't take stock of who gives or does more with any of his relationships and is always willing to go the extra mile for those he loves.
9. I love how well he listens. I don't mean in a taking orders kind of way, but in a really hearing what I have to say kind of way. (When it counts anyway.... 7 years does plug the ears a little sometimes!)
10. Most of all, I love how he loves me so completely. I don't always quite understand him, or get where he is coming from but I know that no matter what is going on, he loves me and I am blessed.

So, today was a little bit of a different kind of anniversary than if we had been at home in Canada. We didn't get to go out alone to celebrate each other making it 7 years with the other one. We had Sofie of course! Honestly, we barely remembered that it was our anniversary. We are kind of running on empty over here but we are okay. We have really been there for each other through this whole past week and barely even snapped at each other... which tends to happen when we are tired and stressed. We are trying to be there for Sofie and give her all that she needs from us. We are taking turns when we need them and figuring each others cues out before we need to even ask. I'm amazed how well we are handling things actually. To top off the stress, I am still sick. Last night was the worst. My whole body was heaving but there was nothing left to get out of me. Not a pleasant feeling. During the day I seem to be able to cope though. I happened to find a English speaking pharmacist who gave me some pills. Not sure what I'm taking but I'm not in the bathroom every 20 minutes tonight :)

Sofie is an angel. She is quite possibly the easiest three year old to take care of or parent that I have ever met... except when it is time to eat or drink or go to bed. She is definitely displaying some 'being from an institution' behavior and sensory issues. She rocks on her back when she is bored... but surprisingly not when she is trying to go to sleep. She cries through out every meal. We bought some baby food and pablum that we are mixing with the formula we bought. She has been eating well but cries on and off through out it. She doesn't like things in her mouth although we are starting to see her exploring with that a little. Today she actually had her toes in her mouth and has been putting the rubber teether brush in there a lot too! She won't drink. We have been watering down a lot of the food and sneaking the liquid in that way but it's been a struggle. We bought two different kinds of sippy cups, have tried numerous adult cups and water bottles. She refuses to entertain the idea of a straw of bottle nipple in her mouth too. Bed time tonight sucked. She cried on and off for an hour and a half. Not just crying either... she tantrummed. If she falls asleep on us in our sling, bed time is not an issue. But if she is not ready for the sling or bed it is an ordeal. I'm hoping this gets better quickly at home. She needs a routine I think.

Otherwise, today was a good day! We went to the St. Sofia church. The oldest church in Sofia. It was really neat to see. Sofie was doing really well this morning so we ventured off to the Ladies Market, which was mostly a lot of fruits and veggies and knock off clothing. Sofie fell asleep in the sling while we were walking and slept for about an hour. First nap since the first day! Yay! We walked back and passed lots of interesting tourist spots...

The stone that sealed the entrance the the 4th Century crypt

beneath the St. Sofia Church.

Inside the St. Sofia. The bricks date back to the 6th century

The old Turkish baths. The building is being restored now.

Mineral springs. People line up for hours some days to fill their jugs up!

We thought we'd get a refreshing drink but the water was really hot!

Changing of the Guards at the Presidency.

I missed the shot of them high marching.

We stayed in our hotel room during the really hot part of the day and went out again for our Anniversary dinner! The first meal I'd eaten all day because of the sickness the night before! It was delicious! We ended the day with a bath and showers for Mommy and Daddy before our epic night routine. Then Jon treated us to a room service snack and dessert while watching Paris Hilton's BFF on TV. It was the only English show on besides financial news! All in all, a pretty memorable 7th anniversary! Looking forward to 70 more!

Hanging out on a 20 century old pillar!

Happy Anniversary Mommy and Daddy!

Getting to Know You - Aug 5-7

2011-08-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

These last few days have been up and down for us out here. Jon and I are definitely feeling homesick and missing Livi.... a lot.

Our first night with Sofie was not too bad. She slept the whole night through but she tossed and turned like crazy. We are still unsure if this is normal for her or if this is just because it was her first night in a different bed. She woke up around 7 am... not too bad :) She didn't eat well that first day for us so we decided to head out to a mall and see if we could find some baby food. She fell asleep around 10am in my sling while we were walking around so we decided to walk over to our agency to say hi and sign some papers.

Sofie surprised us here by eating a Bulgarian cookie and fist fulls of those Gerber puffs. This was the first time we'd seen her eating by herself and with out crying! She found her appetite after that. At Anido we got Sofie's birth certificate with us listed as her parents and the adoption order! We also got some that the Canadian embassy in Bucharest was not responding to our Anido's calls or emails. Jon tried and got no answer but they responded by email to him later that night saying they were missing the Letter of No Objection from the BC government with a note on the bottom saying that it takes 3 weeks to process these applications. I was trying to stay calm but I was freaking out inside. We figured out that the Notification of Agreement is used in place of the No Objection letter. We respectfully reminded them of that fact and asked them to double check their documents. We also sent emails to our Canadian agency wanting to confirm that they have the document. Both my contacts are on vacation and no one responded to my emails. I was not impressed. My sister called them for me and they called her back with an update. Why didn't they email me at the same time? Really not impressed. Anyway, the Embassy should have the document so it looks like it is just an oversight with them. We have to wait until Monday to find out. Anido is pretty confident that this will all be worked out by August 12th for us to return home on August 14th but we are still feeling rather nervous.

Sofie with our Anido contact, Alex.

After visiting the office Sofie fell asleep in my sling walking home and then slept for 3 hours! We ventured out for dinner that evening but otherwise kept a low profile. Sofie ate great this day! She is needing to improve her drinking now though. I'm trying not to get concerned but there are only so many ways you can try to give a kid water.

Saturday morning we slept in and hung around the hotel room for the morning. It was really nice and relaxing for Jon and I. Sofie discovered the mirrors in our front entry ad played there for about an hour! We found a really great little cafe just behind the hotel that has some more North American types of food. I was very thankful for this. I'm getting really tired of greasy cheese on EVERYTHING. After brunch at the cafe we tried to get Sofie down for a nap.... that didn't happen. She was a little fussy for the rest of the day too, probably because she was over tired. I felt bad when Sofie was really fussy during our Skyping time with Livi. I think Livi was a little confused. Cue mother's guilt! Bed time was not much better either. Sofie has definitely discovered her appetite but we hadn't quite realized it yet and after about 20 minutes Sofie crying while we were trying to put her to sleep, Jon suggested we try to feed her. Well, she ate a bucket of baby cereal and fruit! I felt bad again. So, apparently mother's guilt is a lot worse with two kids in the picture! We finally got her to sleep after that.

With all the fussiness that day, missing Livi and just being really tired of being in another country, I was feeling a little depressed. I had a good cry which helped but still didn't make me miss home and Livi any less. I think the stress of this whole embassy thing has heightened our anxiety a little. We are coping, but a little prayer for our emotions and of course the paper work would be appreciated!

Discovering herself in the mirror!

"ooooo, Who's that pretty girl?"

Feeding herself puffs!

Smiles for Daddy :)

Flexible as only a child with DS can be!

Almost bed time!

Today, Sunday, has been a little rough too. Sofie is quite fussy again. We had planned on doing some sight seeing and local shopping but she not been wanting to be in the sling. We did make it to the St. George Rotunda, oldest standing building in Sofia dating to the 4th century and an Orthodox church where we got to see part of an infant baptism. We went to the mall instead to buy some smaller clothes for Sofie because all the 18 month stuff us swimming on her, more baby food and look for a cheap little umbrella stroller. The cheapest stroller we could find is about $75 Canadian. I guess cheap strollers aren't worth it out here with the difficult side walks.

St. George Rotunda

All the brick work is original and dates back to the 4th Century.

It became a church in the 6th Century and a Necropolis later on.

Nap time didn't go over so well today either. She cried on and off for an hour and half. All three of us are having a bit of a rough go of it. Sofie is a little constipated but some little pebbles did come out today, after more tears. She was fed but wouldn't sleep no matter what we tried. Maybe she didn't sleep during nap time in the orphanage. I kind of doubt this because she sure looks tired. I feel kind of helpless. She still isn't drinking either. We are watering down all her food to try and get some liquids in her.

We've stayed in the hotel room this afternoon to try too contain the stimulation a bit for her. She is doing well other than the lack of sleeping, drinking, and pooping :) She gives us lots of giggles! She is really starting to understand the signs for 'more' and 'all done' and uses them correctly when it suits her :) She does throw a few tantrums but it is not any different from any other one year old... which is where I think she is basically is developmentally. She has been coming to us for comfort and even came to me today specifically to play and laugh with! She does do some self stimulating rocking thing on her back. It looks like it is a symptom for being bored at the institution. I'm not sure whether I should let her do this or stop it each time. It kind of depends on how I have been feeling, whether I let it go or not. All in all, we are really enjoying her, we just want to be at home in our own space, with both of our kids.

Gotchya! - Aug 4

2011-08-04T12:31:00.000-07:00

Today was our "Gotchya!" Day! I was so excited. Sofie is ours! Completely ours! No more orphanage! No more rotating caregivers! No more crying with no one able to help! Just family and love! How awesome!

We got to the orphanage around 10:30 am and met Alex, our main contact from Anido, who was also going to be our translator for the day. We had a brief meeting with the Director again to go over some of the last details. It whirled by quickly. I didn't really know what was going on. I just wanted to get my baby and get out of there. It wasn't that it was a terrible place. The staff were all very kind, a little on the strict side, but gentle and caring. Of course I do believe that orphanages and institutions are systemically flawed, I also now believe that Sofie received the best care they knew how and were able to provide. I just wanted to be settled in a nice hotel with her and able to relax.

The Director gave us a diary of when Sofie accomplished different developmental milestones and it even has a trace of her hand in it at 1 year old. Navsco is going to translate it for us! Some of the pages have little flowers drawn in it by the staff too :) I believe Sofie was really loved. We were also given a little book with 23 pictures in it of Sofie from when she was 2 months old to blowing out the candles on her 3rd birthday! The birthday one made me really happy. We were celebrating her that same day! I'll scan them all in when we get home. We signed some papers saying we had received the child, we gave our suitcases of clothes, lotions, and candy, gave the presents for the staff and Director then we were off! A few staff members came to take a look at us but no one really stuck around. I did get one picture of the entrance with Sofie and a staff. I don't think she was a regular caregiver though. Maybe she was a Doctor?

Saying goodbye.

We had a long car ride to Sofia. Alex was not nearly as aggressive a driver as the first one we had. Sofie fell asleep almost immediately and slept the entire way there. The car seat laws are not nearly as strict here as in Canada. We had her in a car seat that Anido provided but I doubt it would pass any Canadian tests. Alex said I could take her out if I wanted and I wouldn't need a car seat for taxi rides with Sofie... I guess "when in Rome, do what the Romans do!" We are not planning to use a taxi very often, only to get to the mall once and the Zoo. Otherwise our hotel is central to everything.

Where are you taking me?

Up until now, Jon and I have been coping with some pretty sketchy hotels. The first one was nice but in a sketchy part of town, really far away from everything. The second one in Plovdiv, was right in the middle of the square where all the shopping and restaurants were but it was bad, like Ivanhoe in Vancouver bad. I was so uncomfortable and sick too. We needed to book our hotel for when we were back in Sofia with Sofie and did some looking around. In the end, location and luxury won out. I really just wanted to be comfortable so we sprung for the nicest hotel in the center of town. It has a walking park right outside and a playground. The room is insanely huge with couches and a front entry room! We got a really good deal on it from Expedia but every time we tell some one we are staying there, there eyes get all big. We were planning on $70-$80 a night while we were here but this is costing us just over $100. This room typically costs $325 a night. Thank you Expedia! The first hotel was right on budget but we saved a bundle with the second one, only paying $35 a night. We decided this was my birthday present :) This room is so worth it. Sofie has room to explore with out getting in to too much. She can sleep in bed while I blog at the desk and Jon reads on the couch! Okay, enough justifying my extra expense :)

Checking out her new stomping grounds :)

Settling in with Daddy.

Play time!

We are already learning a lot about Sofie. She is so calm and quiet. She generally only cries when she eats. This is looking like it is going to be our biggest hurdle. She clenches, grinds and clicks her teeth and jaw continuously but doesn't really chew food. I think she is really delayed orally. We have only heard her say "ahhhh's" so far too. I don't think they let her put things in her mouth to stimulate her oral development so we've been playing at it a little today... not with huge success. The only thing she has really let me get in there is my finger once or twice. She doesn't like eating. They basically had to force feed her at the orphanage, from what we could see, and she cried on and off through out it. I don't like this approach but she is so skinny, I know she needs to eat. We brought some formula with us but she won't take the bottle yet, and drinking anything from a cup is hit or miss for her. We are going to try and find a suitable sippy cup. She can't use a straw yet either... we tried. I think the plan of action, until we can talk to some professionals back home, is to try give her 5 smaller meals instead of the three she is used to so she can continually have something in her stomach. Any advice with this is appreciated! I never had this problem with Livi!

We gave Sofie her first bath today. I didn't see any tubs at the orphanage, only shower rooms with buckets. She didn't love it, but she didn't hate it. I went in with her and I think that is why she didn't completely hate it. We got lots of skin to skin contact which I don't think she's ever had before either. Staff always had their uniforms. She clung to me but let me wash her and even smiled once or twice. She didn't venture away from me at all though. She has a bad bum rash which we were told was from the antibiotics she was given when she was sick last week. I can't really get a good look at it because the cream they were using has turned her skin all purple. I think it is the same as thrush medicine. I thought thrush was a yeast infection that babies could get on their mouths. I've also heard of babies getting yeast infections on their vagina's but not their bums. I'm thinking it is more likely that with her diarrhea her bum was irritated from the bm's and wiping. They wanted to send me home with some but I assured them I had some cream. I'm going to trust Arbonne in this case more than purple dye. We gave her lots of naked bum time after her bath too, another thing I don't think she's ever had. She kept trying to touch her bum :)

After settling in to our hotel room a bath and dinner, we started doing the round of Skype with everyone! Everyone was very excited to see her :) Livi kept looking at her and trying to talk to her. It was really cute. I asked Livi if she thought was should bring Sofie home and she matter-of-factly said "yup." I'm so looking forward to settling in at home with my two baby girls :)

Wearing Sofie out and about! Everyone kept staring at us.

Baby wearing is not in fashion here :)

Sofie was so tired by the end of everything, but despite it all she wouldn't fall asleep in our bed. We got a king bed so we could co-sleep while we were here. She was tired, still, and kept yawning, but 40 minutes in to Jon and I each taking turns lying down with her she was still awake. I decided to try and put her in my sling again, since she has been enjoying it so much. 10 minutes of me swaying her in my sling, she was out. I loved that. I'm not sure I want this to be a continual thing for the next year or anything, but I'm totally willing to do that each night for a few months :) Just look at the results...

Visits - Aug 2 & 3

2011-08-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

Today we met the Director of the orphanage. She was kind enough but very strict and by the book. She answered all our questions, complimented us on our preparedness, but insisted we visit her for three day before getting to take Sofie on the fourth. Our translator was not impressed and fought hard for us. He figured she had no legal right to keep Sofie but out of respect for her and the situation we conceded.

Visiting Sofie has been great. We definitely getting to know her better and she is getting more comfortable with us. In the last two days Sofie has relaxed a bit and today she was all giggles by the end of our visit. Yesterday we were allowed to feed her lunch. She is still just eating mush but definitely starting to want bigger pieces in her mouth. I don't think they let her stick things in her mouth very often though. We think she is lagging in her oral development. Because she can't communicate well yet and it was just about her nap time, she was a little cranky with the lunch. Each time she wanted her drink she would start to cry. Is it wrong that I think her crying face is too cute?!

Getting her tummy poked!

Crying for water

We said goodbye to our translator that afternoon and promised we could fend for ourselves for a day or two. Navsco is a freelance translator that has worked with Anido for a few years now. Actually, helping the Keno's with their adoption was his first time in the adoption world :) He was very excited to hear that we were friends and that Aiden was doing well! After saying goodbye to Navsco, we were allowed to have our afternoon visit with Sofie unsupervised. This was very nice. I felt a little more relaxed with it too. I didn't feel like my actions and responses were getting scrutinized.

Our translator, Navsco

Afternoon visit :)

This morning, we were allowed to play with her outside in the court yard. It was a couple of degrees cooler today, which made it bearable. We also discovered her new favourite toy... an empty water bottle! She has played with this more than any other toy we have given her. She was nearly falling asleep again by the end of our morning visit. I had to try and keep her awake to feed her lunch, but she was not impressed. She let herself go totally limp and was excellent at cuddling with us. She didn't eat much.

In the afternoon, she came to us very grumpy, like I said. She was very wet though and I suspect she had been woken up from her nap for us. We changed her, let her relax and soon she snapped out of it and was the most talkative she has been with us to date. I love her giggle. It is still, very much, a baby giggle and she sticks her tongue out when she laughs. It is such a beautiful sound.

For dinner we enjoyed some pizza. It was the closest thing to home food that we could find and since my stomach has been quite upset today, I was craving something “normal.” If you are the praying type, please pray that my stomach settles down. I've been quite sick with frequent visits to the washroom this evening. I'm not sure if it is a bug I've caught or just an upset to my digestion because of the different food. Either way, it is not pleasant and I need to get better. I don't want to worry about my being sick tomorrow! Tomorrow we get to take Sofie back to Sofia with us! She is leaving the orphanage and coming to be with her Mommy and Daddy. I hope it is a smooth transition for her and us!

Meeting Sofie - Aug 1

2011-08-02T12:57:00.000-07:00

This was a day of an adventure, to put it politely. I knew by the end of it I would get to see my new baby so I journeyed through it all. Our translator and a driver picked us up after breakfast but didn't have enough room in the car for all our suitcase plus the suitcases we brought for the orphanage. They had to leave us behind for 30 min to drop off the orphanage suitcases at the Anido office for Alex to bring with him on Thursday when he came to pick us up.

It was after 9:30am when we actually got on the road. Then, the driver and translator decided to stop for coffee and a smoke, or three, on our way out of the city. They said it was a tradition... I think it was more just a need for a cigarette so they could survive an hour and a half with out one. EVERYONE chain smokes here. I hate it. They are relatively clean about it though. They don't flick their butts everywhere like North Americans. I did enjoy the art on the walls of the coffee stop though! Boobies, bums and banana's with two oranges on either side adorned the walls. Only in Europe :)

We arrived in Plovdiv and checked in to our hotel before making our way to the orphanage. The hotel room is definitively lacking but since it is just Jon and I we decided to stay in the budget places with out Sofie and splurge a little to stay in a luxury hotel when we are in Sofia with Sofie.

We found the orphanage eventually. The taxi driver had never heard of it but knew the hotel beside it that we were told has a bad reputation. We had almost booked in there without knowing. It saddened me a little that locals have no idea there is a baby house in their own neighbourhood. I was so nervous, and hot with 37 degree weather, but mostly excited. We were taken in to a room with a long table a desk and cupboards with papers and stuffed toys in them. We had to wait for them to bring Sofie to us. This was it. This is what I was waiting for! Around 12 noon she walked in holding one of the caregivers hand and climbed up on a chair. I was crying. I remember being stunned with just how perfect she was. It took everything I had not to scoop her up but I didn't want to frighten her. We knelt down beside her chair and cautiously introduced ourselves and gently touched her fingers, face, and hair. After a few minutes of her looking at me like “I'm liking all this attention but who are you?” I picked her up carefully. She is just so precious.

Love at first sight.

Scruffy beard. Not many people here have beards.

Excited!

Cuddles

So Happy.

We played with her for about 20 minutes until she needed to be taken for her nap. We asked the caregiver a few questions that we could think of. The Director was not there to speak with directly but the staff answered all our questions well. They told us that she likes music, is independent, and that they have a journal of all the dates of her milestones, like her first steps and pictures! We were allowed to come back in the afternoon to play with Sofie in her playroom so we set out for the hotel. Navsco, our translator is a great translator but not the best guide. He took us on an hour and half hike up and down the hills through Plovidiv trying to find our hotel. Once we discovered the proper route, we realized it was only 10 minutes from the orphanage! It was quite a lovely walk through the non-tourist parts of town but in the 37 degree heat I started getting frustrated near the end. Navsco was kind of funny and fit the typical stereo type of not wanting to ask for directions. He did try to turn our trip in to a bit of a tourist walk and treated us to some drinks at a little cafe we found on top of an ancient Roman amphitheatre. Plovdiv was a Roman city from the 1^st to the 5^th century. It was really neat to think that we were sitting somewhere that was built when Jesus was alive!

My annoyance for the 90 minute journey subsided once I was able to relax my feet and get rehydrated. Navsco also treated us to lunch and asked if he could order a authentic Bulgarian meal for us. It was really delicious and I loved the experience. I couldn't begin to name what was ordered but we started with a traditional salad. I think it might have been called Thracian salad. It reminded me a lot of Greek salad with out the olives and dressing. The only dressing was sunflower oil, a major export of Bulgaria and delicious! Lunch was a cheese bake thing with pork sausage and a tomato slice. We also got some bread to soak up the sauce/grease.

We didn't have time to return to the hotel so we went straight to the orphanage again. We used a taxi this time. (I need to give myself honorable mention here... since we didn't return to the hotel I had to use the toilet at the orphanage. It was a squat toilet! I think I need to take a picture for you to truly understand how terrifying it was and how proud I was for not getting myself wet!) Sofie came to us in the play room this time and seemed glad to to see us. She loved all the attention she was getting. I picked her up right away this time. One of the caregivers stayed with us and Navsco answering questions and observing our interactions to report back to the Director. She said we was surprised to see how comfortable Sofie/DiDi was with us. (They hadn't known that we changed her name from Diyana to Sofie. DiDi is her nickname.) Sofie played with us, copied our actions very well, crashed blocks, climbed chairs, got tickled, danced, clapped, played peek-a-boo with the fuzzy we brought for her (she LOVED the fuzzy), and cuddled.

Crashing blocks!

Playing with her fuzzy Oma bought her.

It was a really incredible experience getting to know our daughter this way. I can't describe it adequately. So different from meeting Livi but just as powerful and cosmic. Less organic but just as empowering. I can't say that I'm feeling fully like her Mommy yet but I can feel it growing. I love her. Wow, do I love her. But I don't think the Mommy feeling will take full force until we are home with her.

We had to leave her in the orphanage for the night and won't be allowed to take her with us until Thursday, despite Anido/Alex's best effort to convince the Director to let her go on Wednesday. We get to visit her every morning and afternoon and it is giving us a chance to do a little sightseeing and hopefully shoe shopping! The shoes here are incredible! Alana, you would die! After dinner and Skyping with Livi, and uploading a picture to facebook we slept. Only until 2 am though. We keep waking up around then hungry and unable to return to sleep! So frustrating. We are going to stay up until 11pm tomorrow to hopefully get a decent night sleep for once!

Bulgaria - July 31

2011-08-01T18:05:00.000-07:00

With all the excitement of settling down I suddenly couldn't sleep, despite not having slept more than 3 hours in the past 27. Since it was 7am in Bulgaria and the Hotel was serving breakfast, I decided to go and fill my growling stomach. It was well worth my efforts... Scrambled and boiled eggs, sausage, bacon, a cold cuts platter, a cheese platter, three types of yogurt, including Greek yogurt which is delicious, croissants and jam, two other types of bread, two types of cereal, juice, coffee and tea. All levels of delicious.

I slept well after that. Too well. We had only meant to sleep until noon at the latest but I didn't wake up until 2pm. Oops. That mistake really messed with my jet lag too. I only slept for 3 hours the next night then too :( Although, maybe it wasn't the jet lag, maybe it was my excitement for seeing Sofie!

Once we finally woke up we walked a few blocks to do some sight seeing. We first stopped at a sushi place for some lunch. It was the only place that we could find that was open on a Sunday and would either accept Euro's or credit card since we hadn't changed our money yet.

Alexandar Nevsky Cathedral

After our tummy's were satisfied, we went to Alexandar Nevsky Cathedral. It is “only” 200ish years old but amazing. It is an Orthodox Cathedral, not Catholic as many of us westerners might assume. We are in Eastern Europe remember :) I actually got a little choked up with the awe of it all. We weren't allowed to take pictures inside though :( There was also what used to be a crypt under the Cathedral, which has been turned in to a museum of icon's. One piece dated back to the 4^th century.

Over the front doors. We weren't allowed pictures inside.

An icon of St. Nick in the crypt.

We did a little more looking around that day, a lot of walking and headed back to the room for some more, or less sleep. We get to meet Sofie tomorrow!

Travel - July 29-31

2011-08-01T17:47:00.000-07:00

I some how left my baby. Like I said, it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I held it together for most of the trip to the airport. I only quietly cried once in the car. As we were walking to the security check though I could feel the tears coming. I just started bawling. I had hoped I would be able to keep Livi from seeing me cry but that plan was an epic failure. I was able to talk to her with out heaving though! I kissed her and hugged her, told her how much fun she was going to have, told her how safe she was and that Mommy and Daddy would be back in two weeks! I tried to sound excited but she was confused with all the tears. Even Jon got choked up. He “says” he didn't shed a tear though. My sister's helped save the experience for her though. They got really excited for her and had her waving and shouting how much she loved us through security. It made me cry more but I could hear that she was having fun.

We got through security extremely quick so we grabbed some comfort food/alcohol at Milestones to cope! We actually did need to eat dinner. Our plane was on time and we started boarding around 8:15pm. I've never been on such a big plane and have never actually seen a first class with my own eyes. It was a weird feeling being herded through the luxury seating like second class citizens. It reminded me of Titanic for some reason...

The flight itself was fine. I actually managed to get about 2-3 hours of sleep. I'm not sure what quality that sleep was and it only came with the help of a Gravol pill and two ibuprofens for my cankle pains. My feet ended up swelling a bit, despite my best efforts to move around and stay hydrated... I have a sneaking suspicion the salt infused plane food was what pushed them over the edge. We had a little turbulence over the ocean but nothing that deployed the air masks. I was so uncomfortable through most of it. The staff were not the friendliest people in the world either. I suspected they were on their last flight of their stint and crabby from their long shifts. In fact, most of the English people we ran in to today were not overly pleasant. One bus driver we had yelled at the entire bus for someone accidentally holding the call button down... We actually think it was Jon but we didn't want to call attention to that fact after that.

We had decided to skip any excursion into London because we were both so tired, we weren't sure if we had enough time to go in to the heart of London and we hadn't researched it very well because it wasn't one of my priorities for this trip. But, as we were walking through the dreary halls of Heathrow Airport I happened to ask an attendant where we could spend our 9 hour layover. She encouraged us to “jot down to Windsor castle”. She was actually quite helpful and does not fit in the same category of the English people I was talking about earlier. She gave us specific instructions for which bus to take and assured us Windsor Castle was quite close to Heathrow. We decided to go for it. I mean, when are we ever going to be in London again?!

Windsor Castle

The bus took about 30 min to get to Windsor and was quite a pretty drive. I couldn't get enough of all the brick houses, town homes and bridges. It was like I was in a movie... Well, I've only seen them in the movies :) Unfortunately, when we got to the castle it had just closed. Apparently, everything touristy closes early in England on a Saturday. It was the same problem we had run in to when I was looking in to going to Westminster Abbey during the layover. There was still tons of stuff to look at and do... Like the Thames river! Famous in lots of literature and where we were you could frequently see the Eton boys sculling. There is a large touristy shopping area there with cute shops and yummy looking food. We went to the King and the Castle Pub (I think that's what it was called). It was a beautiful old building with real wood, broken stone, a tree in the middle of it's patio and hanging flower baskets everywhere. Jon got his mandatory pint of Guiness and I had the deliciously cliched Fish n' Chips! (Thanks Leanna and David!)

At Thames River

Guiness

Dinner!

We got back to the airport with more than enough time to catch our flight and found a Gordon Ramsay restaurant!!! Gordon Ramsay Plane Food. Neither of us was hungry but this restaurant was a must! I was so excited. We decided to go for dessert and coffee. Jon had Gordon's Chocolate Pecan Brownie with Vanilla Ice cream and I, of course, had his Lemon Creme Brulee. Do you like how I'm calling “G” by his first name now? We now have a relationship so it is okay to be so informal. Let me tell you... this dessert is definitely the highlight of our trip so far! I took more pictures of the food than of the Castle! The maitre'd saw me taking pictures and came over to make sure everything was okay. He was worried something was wrong with the food and I was a food critic or something and was going to write about it :) I assured him we were just tourists who had crushes on Gordon Ramsay. Then when he found out we were from Vancouver he told us to take as many pictures as I like because he saw what angry Canadians can do over just a hockey game! He was quite funny actually.

No creme brulee will ever be the same for me.

Tea with my own personal honey pot!

A few hours later we flew out to Sofia. We were exhausted and did not get very much sleep the whole trip. I think in the 27 hours we were in transit, I slept maybe 3 hours and Jon only got 1 or 2. Thankfully, we had arranged for our hotel to pick us up at 4am and take us directly to our room. After quickly saying hi to Livi on Skype and taking a shower we tried to get some sleep.

Change of Plans

2011-07-26T22:01:00.000-07:00

We have a slight change of plans. Jon and I have changed all three of our flights to come home on August 14th. We still have the same departure date, July 29th. Yes, we are still leaving Livi in Canada.

I'm not entirely comfortable with this plan but I don't think I'd be comfortable with anything at this point... unless all three of us could come home early! Everyone keeps telling me that Livi will be fine. Logically, I know she will be, but the thought of her needing me and me not being there kills me. She is safe, with people who love her, people who we trust and she will have tons of fun. People also say she has no concept of time. Mommy and Daddy gone for 16 days instead of 11 isn't going to make any difference too her. We have Skype and will hopefully be able to talk to her almost every day.

The things that swayed our decision from me returning on the 9th with Jon and Sofie coming later was that with the flight we changed it too it won't cost us any additional money, except of course for the hotel but Jon and Sofie would still need to incur those costs anyway. This also keeps us together for the plane ride home which may be stressful alone. Mostly, though, we are considering Sofie's potential attachment issues. We think that it might make it harder for Sofie if we both go to get her then one of us leaves. She has had caregivers leave her her entire life. I don't want her to think I am just another caregiver. I want her to know I am her Mommy.

It is a bit of a weird situation. I need to remind myself that I have two children who need me to do the best thing for each of them, yet I don't have a firm attachment with one of them yet. Don't get me wrong, I love Sofie more than anyone can love a child that they haven't met yet. But I don't have a relationship with her yet. I don't know what she needs from me yet. She doesn't know she needs me yet. I have a relationship with Livi who knows that she needs me. I also know that Sofie needs me more right now, even if she doesn't comprehend it. She needs to know the love of a mother and father. Livi already knows that love and knows that we will return to her. I'm so excited to give that to Sofie too but every other part of me yearns to be with Livi.

I know we are doing the right thing, but that doesn't make it easy. With this plan we are praying and hoping and crossing our fingers that her paper work will be in our hands by August 12th. To accomplish this, Sofie needs to get her passport applied for this week and the offices need to be operating at their best possible speeds. Pray. Please Pray. If it looks look like we are not going to get her paperwork by then, I may opt to come home a bit earlier and Jon will probably be the one to stay. I really hope it doesn't come to this though.

Pot Hole

2011-07-25T21:58:00.000-07:00

This morning we got the email saying that Sofie has a virus and is sick with diarrhea. Because of this she wasn't allowed to travel today to go and apply for her Bulgarian passport and get her pictures for the Visa. This is a VERY frustrating bump in the road... It is even extra frustrating because we were originally told her passport would be applied for on July 18th. Our aunt eloquently called it a pot hole. It isn't a devastating engine blow up but a damned pot hole that looses a hubcap and gives you a flat tire.

With this new development, we figured we had three options....

1. Postpone the trip by a week - This option would still leave us feeling uneasy about the timeline, uneasy about leaving Sofie in the orphanage longer than we'd want, and cost about $1000-$1300 more.

2. Leave as planned with an undetermined return with Livi - This option would cost us an extra $1000ish for Livi's ticket but we could get a long stay apartment for about the same amount of money as the hotel we are looking at for a shorter time. We would have the extra stress of both kids and Livi with jet lag.

3. Leave as planned and one of us will return as planned while the other stays with Sofie until her Visa comes. This option means one of us staying alone and dealing with a Sofie, alone, on the plane home. There will be an extra $500ish in plane costs plus extra hotel costs.

Option 3 is what we are going with. None of the options are ideal but this makes the most sense. We already have child care all arranged for while we are gone. This way one parent will be home with Livi and another with Sofie and Sofie will be out of the orphanage as scheduled. Because of the legalities of Jon's pre-adoption leave and adoption leave it also makes the most sense for Jon to stay with Sofie. He gets paid pre-adoption leave while he in in country but he can't start his adoption leave until Sofie is in Canada. How ever we work it, this is going to cost us a bunch of more money that we don't have. We are living in our line of credit right now. The month that Sofie gets home is going to be a little rough too because there is a waiting period before EI kicks in.

Okay, enough complaining. I still get to see, meet, hold, hug and kiss my baby on Monday! Anido also said in the email that we can't go to the orphanage until the Monday. I booked a night for us at Hotel Budapest in the city center for Jon and I to hopefully get some sight seeing in Sunday afternoon after a nap. Eeek! Only 3.5 days until we leave and 5 days until I get to hold my baby!!!

One Week

2011-07-22T21:51:00.000-07:00

7 days to go! Wow. I know I've been waiting for so long but now that it is here I'm wondering how it has sneaked up on me. We got an update from Anido, our Bulgarian agency, today saying that they have Sofie's new birth certificate and are taking her, on Monday, to Sofia to get photographed for her Visa and apply for her passport! They also gave us a bit more clarity of what to expect when we get to Bulgaria. The director of the orphanage is insisting we spend three days there now instead of the two days that was originally told to us. I'm okay with three days if that is what it takes, I just wish it would stop changing. If they think Sofie is going to be any less traumatized from leaving with us the third day instead of the second day they are severely mistaken. They also told us we won't be going to the orphanage until the Monday. We get in to Sofia early Sunday morning. I've requested we go on the Sunday but we are waiting to hear.

I'm so emotional today. I can't even begin to properly explain what I am feeling. I'm so excited to meet Sofie. I can't wait. My arms are literally aching to hold her and comfort her. The thought of her traveling from the orphanage to Sofia, an hour and a half each way, with out me rips me apart. She may have never been out of the orphanage! Then as I was laying down for a short nap this afternoon and thought of saying goodbye to Livi at the airport. I started crying. Not just tears down my cheeks but heaving sobs and snot on my pillow crying. I know she is going to be well cared for and even have a lot of fun with out us, but I have only ever been away from her for 36 hours at one time and she was sleeping for 24 of those hours. It may be the hardest thing I have ever done to date. I don't want to freak her out either, so I can't start sobbing in front of her at the airport. I have no idea how I'm going to accomplish that.

I think I'm pretty prepared though. I have just a few more things to do. The orphanage clothes, gifts and candies are packed. We got a big box of Purdy's for the orphanage staff and a smaller box of maple leaf chocolate and maple truffles for Anido. For the director we got a small bottle of BC wine and some maple syrup. For the kids we got a ton of candy, yummy crackers and some chocolate dipped granola bars. I hope it all makes it safely to Bulgaria.

The next few days should be a little less busy than this week but with less distractions I'm likely to become more anxious. I've already been noticing I'm getting shorter with Livi. Please pray for patience and peace for me. I don't do good in these uncontrollable circumstances.

Nesting

2011-07-16T23:21:00.000-07:00

I think I am in full nesting mode. I am knocking things off the list left, right and center. I think I have bought all the travel essentials that we need. I've begun deep cleaning the house, four batches of muffins are in the freezer with one batch of cookies, two casseroles are also frozen. I even made a batch of strawberry rhubarb jam! I think it is a little too chunky though. I didn't cut the rhubarb small enough and I didn't really crush the strawberries either. Oh well, my family will eat it!

I also went through Sofie's clothes and packed for her! Since we first got the proposal for Sofie I've been collecting 18 month size clothes, but that was 8 months ago. I'm hoping she's grown a bit but I also have some really cute outfits that I'm hoping to get some use out of! I didn't own any 18 month size clothes from Livi. She completely skipped that size, so a lot of these outfits are new. I've now taken out Livi's 24 month clothes and bought a few special outfits to take. I packed a mixture of both sizes for Sofie.

I still feel like there is so much more to do. I think I need to prioritize though. I'm now fighting a cold and really don't want to get sick. A few things I really want to get done are to cook one more casserole to freeze, steam clean our couches (they are really bad), clean all the windows and window sills, of course pack and spend as much time with my daughter as I can! That is the stuff on the top of the list. Anything else is just a bonus!

Livi is doing pretty good with her parents both in a flutter. She is also an almost three year old and really good at driving Mommy and Daddy nuts! She has begun to learn how to "lie"... I'm not sure she really gets the concept yet but she is understanding that when she tells us she has to go pee (at night), we will let her go to the toilet even if she is supposed to be sleeping. After about 5 times of this in 30 minutes one night, Jon and I had enough. We had tried to explain that telling us she had to go to the bathroom when she didn't was a lie and made us not believe her. It sounds so harsh explaining that to a two year old! We finally got a hold of it though but had to be quite firm. I hate doing that. She hasn't done it since though!

Livi is also night potty training herself, much to our dismay. She takes her naps in just her panties now and wakes up in the middle of the night to go pee. She generally has a dry diaper in the morning. I'm pretty proud but I also am not ready to take the next step and actually take away her diapers completely. I'm worried she is just going to regress when Sofie comes home. If I tell her to just pee in her diaper though, Livi says "ewwww! Mommy, that's gross!"

Livi is so excited for Sofie to come. I love it. When ever she talks about her she says "My Sofie" or "My sister Sofie." It's so cute :) I wonder if she really understands how much her world is about to change. Today when I was picking out what shoes to bring with us to Bulgaria, Livi piped up with "Hey! Those are my shoes!". I told her they were too small for her so they were going to be Sofie's shoes now and she got all quite and a little confused saying "But they're mine." She got over it pretty quick though. She is going to be such a great sister!

Preparing

2011-07-12T23:35:00.000-07:00

I'm actually feeling quite calm for what is ahead for us in the next month. Maybe it is just this moment right now. I'm sure if you ask me tomorrow I will have a completely different answer. But, at this moment I'm feeling good. My list of 33 things to do before we leave has been cut down to only 15 things already! It was definitely the easier part of the list that has been accomplished.

For the most part, I feel on top of things. Tickets are booked. I've made the immediate doctor appointments for Sofie when we return as well as have a referral in at the Child Development Center. I'm sure I have enough clothes, diapers and formula to take with us. I just have to pack them yet. I wasn't quite sure what size clothes to collect but I think I've settled on bringing mostly 24 month size. The info we have for her says she is 19 pounds and 30 inches tall. That puts her at the weight of an average 9 month old and height of an average 12 month old. That was also 8 months ago when she was 31 months old. Has she grown? I still think of her as that tiny little girl who can't walk or talk yet. Part of me hopes she hasn't developed much so that I can be there for all the milestones. But, I know it would be better for her future if she has been developing with out me. I need to be prepared for however advanced or delayed she is. I've done most of the research I need to or can on Bulgaria, rules, customs, etc. I've started baking some goodies to freeze for when she comes home. I have enough cat litter and toilet paper for the Livi and her "sitters" while we are gone. I've done more than just that but I can't think of it all now. I still need to pack and book a hotel but mostly everything else on my list has to do with nesting and deep cleaning the house, like steam cleaning the couches.

We are also trying to fit in our last minute visits and play dates with people we have bee meaning to see and get in our last "dates" with each other. I have two play dates scheduled for Livi in the next two weeks and one more pending. I booked a girly date with Livi to get our hair done, we both need a hair cut, and hopefully our nails done, then Daddy/Jon is going to take us out for dinner! Since we will be in Bulgaria on August 8th, Jon and I are also going to go on an anniversary date... it is his year to plan something. I'm hoping we get to go out and see the final Harry Potter movie before we go too.

I think that's it. I don't really feel overwhelmed. I'm sure I will get more anxious as the date draws nearer. I am counting the days... 17 by the way. I just can't wait.