Reactions

I've been putting off writing this post because I think it is going to come across ungrateful and bitchy. But oh well, I wrote it. An apology in advance...

We didn't really expect too many bad reactions when we first announced our intentions to adopt Sofie. Honestly, it didn't really cross my mind at first. Adopting a child with special needs/abilities was always in the plans... we kind of assumed everyone else knew that too and was supportive of it. Most people know what kind of community I come from.

When we first told our close family members and friends this adoption was going to happen now, we got a lot of apprehensive support. There were no out right negative responses. Some where just quiet and tentative. Most asked questions. I liked the questions more because at least I knew a bit of what they were thinking. Their questions seemed to be wanting assurance that we knew what we were getting ourselves in to. We were just coming out of our "year of hell", so I think people were worried we weren't ready to jump in to anything so big yet. If they were apprehensive at first they all came around quickly and are so excited with us!

I get frustrated with the reactions from strangers and acquaintances more. We haven't received any outright negative comments, just ignorant ones. Depending on the day and my mood I can brush it off, laugh, or try to have a conversation about it, but sometimes it really gets to me.

The worst comment we've received to date was from a semi-distant relative. Thankfully she isn't technically a close family member but we still were hoping for a better response. When we mentioned we were going to be getting a second child her entire face and posture lit up. She was so excited when she thought we were pregnant. We continued and told her we were adopting a little girl with DS. Her whole expression dropped and she just said "Oh, I could never do that." There was disdain in her voice. She never said congratulations either. I was SO mad. We left shortly after and since she lives far away, we haven't had to see her either :)

Some of the easier comments to take have made me laugh and usually come from the person not filtering and just saying the first thing that comes to their head. I can appreciate this approach at a personal level :) A friends mom's response was a confused look over to Livi asking "But, isn't Livi yours?" I responded with a laugh saying "Yes, and Sofie will be ours too." She immediately realized how silly that sounded. Another complete stranger outright asked my mom, who was telling her about Sofie, if we were infertile. It was her first thought, but kind of weird to ask a stranger that. An uncle said "Isn't sex cheaper?" This was my favorite :) Yes, sex is a lot cheaper!

Usually people don't know what to say and are silent when I tell them about Sofie. I can handle that too. It annoys me but I can just ignore it. I get that it is out of the norm. I just wish it wasn't. What really irks me though is when people say "good for you!" I understand it is well meaning but what am I supposed to say to that? .... "Yes, it is really good of me. I'm an incredible person."

I don't think adoption is something to say "good for you" too. What does that even mean? Are they saying good for adopting? Or is it the fact that I'm adopting a child with special needs? Why can't people just celebrate it? Why can't the be excited and congratulatory like they would if I were pregnant? We are not doing this for recognition, or because we think we are better parents or people than anyone else. This is just a not-so-different way of expanding our family. Why do people treat it so differently? Doesn't everyone know people that are adopted? Is this really such a taboo thing? If it is, it damn well shouldn't be! I wish people could get more educated!

Why do people assume that adoption is for families who are infertile too? I just don't get it. Maybe that is my ignorance. My grandparents were not infertile when they adopted either so it is kind of out of my frame of reference. I heard a stat once that if every Christian family were to adopt one orphan there would be no orphans left in the world. Hmmmm... kind of makes you think doesn't it? Isn't there something repeated over and over and over in the Bible about helping the widows and orphans? Just saying...

The best reactions we've got are from people who have adopted already. I've gotten beaming smiles, congratulatory emails, hugs, and even tears :) They are the ones who truly understand and I am so appreciative of those people in my life who have adopted before us and can be an extra special support to us through this incredible journey. It really isn't as scary as society believes it to be. Yes, it is a roller coaster, but, oh my God the reward is going to be SO worth it!

Writing and Responsibility

I had a super proud Mommy moment on Friday :) Thursday my "baby" sporadically started writing letter "i's" all over her pages by herself. Then on Friday I sat with her and practiced the rest of the letters in her name. This was the result...

At 2.5 years old my little girl can write her name! That is crazy to me! Where did my baby go?!

The other day I got Livi the Melissa & Doug Responsibility Chart. I know, I know. She is only 2.5! But, she LOVES it! She is SO excited to put her magnet on each goal at the end of the day. Before we do a task, like eating nicely at the table, we review what the rules/goals are. When she completes the task for the day with minimal prompting from us, she get to put her magnet on the board. You should see her face. It is so proud, it looks like she might burst! I love seeing her confidence building. In two days she is  a completely different child at the table which is so nice for Mommy and Daddy!

Sootherless

Could it be true? Am I announcing this too soon? Is our home actually soother free?! Do you remember The Great Soother War of 2010? That was a rough week in our house hold with minimal sleep for everyone.


Wednesday night I got it in my head that maybe it was a good day to get Livi off her soother. Although I had thought that the next time we try to wean her we might try a different approach, I had not planned on trying it on Wednesday. This was a very impulsive decision. Jon and I hadn't even discussed it since he wasn't even home!

I was reading her a book before bed when I saw my opportunity. I palmed her soother and excused myself for a minute. With the scissors in hand I hesitated for a moment... What if it didn't work? I didn't know where any extra's were since we sent most of them up to the "Soother Fairy" in November. What about when we leave for Bulgaria? Would she need her soother because we wouldn't be there? Seeing as Bulgaria will probably be another 3-4 months I went for it and snipped the very tip of the soother. I snuck it back in to her room and read her one last story before bed.

When she reached for her soother it took her a full minute to notice anything had changed. I thought it might have been pointless. Then she stopped sucking, got a funny look on her face and took her soother out. She held it out to inspect then said in one of the saddest, most pathetic voices I've ever heard from her "I can't get it to squeak." I played dumb and so she modeled the squeak for me by pursing her lips... I was able to hold back my giggle.

I explained to her that she must have grown in to a big girl (she has been very excited about growing big lately), so the soother broke because she was too big for it. Is it bad that I lied to my child? She was sad that her soother had "broke" but there were no tears. I didn't take the broken soother away from her but she did NOT want it anymore. We left it on her bookshelf. I cuddled with her for a little extra time, drew on her face and neck, and sang her my lullaby a few extra times. She took about 2 hours to fall asleep but eventually she did it! Each successive night has taken her less time to fall asleep, although it seems to be averaging out now and she needs a lot of encouragement and cuddles from us.

Nap times are a similar story. The first nap, she didn't nap. The second, it took her about an hour to fall asleep. Daddy seems to have the patience and magic touch. I'm on my own tomorrow though, so we'll see what happens.

I felt pretty defeated about the whole thing today and was entertaining going out to buy another soother or even ending her naps! Oh, the horror! She has definitely being on the road to eliminating her naps, (only slept about 1-1.5hrs even with her soother), but I'm not ready to say goodbye yet! I would like to get Livi to the point where she can immediately just relax in bed, fall asleep quietly and quickly and sleep soundly. Surprisingly, since taking the soother away, she has slept each night through. No nightmares or waking up looking for her soother or Fuzzy.

Overall, this time around is going much better. She is not crying. She is not grumpy. She is sleeping soundly through the night. It is just a matter of her figuring out how to put herself to sleep without the soother. I was hoping she would enjoy her Fuzzy more now but it seems that it was a package deal with the soother. We aren't going back on our decision this time. The soother is gone. I just hope it doesn't mean we have to give up her naps or she needs us to sooth her to sleep. Bye Bye beloved soother :)