Parenting is so hard sometimes. Life is just difficult. I know I am in the season of little children, a messy house and no money but I have been feeling very overwhelmed.
Due to a teacher strike my girls where home an extra month from school. This also happened to be the month that my husband started his new position which is an extra hour commute each day for him. More kids, less family time and less help made for a stressed out Mommy, crabby kids who had meltdowns regularly, mommy too, and a very chaotic house.
The month got pretty bad for all of us. I ended up getting pretty depressed from being overwhelmed. Livi was having epic meltdowns a couple times a week and a bad attitude the rest of the days. Evie is all drama wrapped up in a little cute package. It got pretty bad for all of us. Too much yelling, lots of crying and I ended up using parenting techniques that I never wanted to use. That month destroyed me really. It broke me and made me dig deep. I needed to figure out how to be the mom I wanted to be again.
We made it through the tunnel and things are looking up. My kids are back in school which really helps their focus and my sanity. I've been able to spend some one on one time with each of them that we each enjoyed. I got to go out for a night with Jon, and spent some time alone for myself. It had been a REALLY long time since I had some time for myself. Self-care is so important. So is sleep. I needed more sleep too!
With the strike over my two big girls started school again. Livi is now in grade one and Sofie is repeating Kindergarten. Sofie had to wait to do the gradual entry thing for Kindergarten again which was really hard for her. She was very ready and excited for school. When we would drop Livi off each day she went and sat with all the grade 1 kids on the carpet and got very upset when she wasn't allowed to stay. The grade 1 start was a little rougher for Livi. Because they missed the first few "getting to know you" weeks she was thrown in to learning and having expectations put on her. She loves responsibility but on her terms. We went over some of the things that she was having troubles with and I spent some extra time at the school with Sofie for some things, so she knew I was close, which also helped.
In the 5 weeks that they've been in school now, both girls are thriving. Livi's reading and drawing has improved by leaps and bounds! I love hearing her read. I was getting worried she'd fall behind since she seemed to be so against reading by the end of the summer. She wrote me a note a few weeks ago though that said "I luv yoo mumee." Her drawings are awesome too :) She doesn't love drawing but enjoys it every once in a while.
Sofie is doing AMAZING! She is following all the routines, lining up, sitting and paying attention, and saying SO MANY WORDS! A few weeks ago, I had a full conversation with her! It was so exciting! We speak words to each other, but this was a real conversation! It went like this...
Sofie had been crying and whining at Jon for some time, and then turned her attention to me.
Sofie "Mad"
Me "You're sad?" She had been crying so I thought she was mixing it up.
Sofie "No Mad!" (with the mad hand sign)
Me "You're mad. Why are you mad?"
Sofie "Music"
Me "You are mad that Daddy turned off the music?"
Sofie "yes"
Me "Do you know why daddy turned off the music?"
Sofie "No"
Me "because you were touching the computer"
Sofie "no touching. I sorry."
That may not seem like a lot but it was HUGE. We had her IEP this week at school and it went really well. We are starting two programs with her at school to hopefully help her start reading and writing. She really doesn't like writing... motivation is key. I'm very excited to see her grow with these this year!
Evelyn is talking so much more too. I love all her words. She still has that tiny high pitched baby voice but is starting to say choppy full sentences. It is so sweet. I sometimes just want to eat her up. Having a baby you know is your real last baby is hard sometimes. These are the last moments I'm going to hear those squeaky baby giggles from something I created. The last few "kids" firsts are still coming but they are coming too fast. It is an emotional thing. I can see how so many mom's overcompensate with their last to keep them their "baby." She is good at reminding me what a big girl she is though. She got her first black eye, mysteriously while lying in her bed. We think she sat up and folded forward on to the head board.
Jon is doing AMAZING at his new job. I'm so very proud of him. His boss has full confidence in him and his head is getting appropriately inflated. It takes him away from us an hour longer a day which has been hard but we are making it work. He leaves early and makes it home before 5:30 most
days. He has most of Christmas off and a week in November too which is such a blessing!
Some days are still very hard. Evelyn is a very demanding baby. Livi needs so much emotional support and I feel like I don't do enough to teach Sofie. I'm learning to have grace for myself, and others. I am enough for my family. I do a lot of things wrong but I do a lot of things right too! I adore them all.
