Tuesday, January 5, 2010

New Year's Resolution?

Overall, I am a very confident person. Not a lot of things faze me or make me falter. I do have one weakness though. I rarely talk about it but I do not have a good body image. I've been on the larger side of the scale as long as I can remember. Food was how I coped with all the stress in my life as a child. Food was what I could control in a chaotic surrounding.

I have never broken this habit of using food to cope with things. I never had the motivation. When I was a teenager and the 200lb mark was approaching, I just tried to put it out of my mind. I didn't think about it and continued telling myself that if I wanted to eat a bag of chips or a few cookies it wouldn't hurt me... after all, I deserved a little treat after a stressful day.

In recent years I've gone through ups and downs with my wieght but I have been approaching the 300lb mark. At my last weigh in, I found out that I've reached it. This is very scary for me to say and to write about. I have been denying the problem in me head for nearly twenty years. Giving words to it makes it real. It makes it something that I have to face. I remember thinking that I would never reach this moment. That people who were 300lbs looked REALLY fat and didn't care about themselves. I don't look at myself long enough in the mirror to judge whether I look fat or not. I do care about myself, but have been able to justify everything in my mind.

My gallstones are partly a genetic thing but also a symptom of my poor diet. When they did the ultrasound to diagnose my gallstones, the doctor found some fat deposits on my liver. This is completely reversable, because I am still young, but if I continue down the path I am going there will be irreversible damage and an early death. I don't want to leave my children, or grandchildren early. I want to have enough energy to play as long and as hard as Livi wants to. I want to feel confident in my own skin and believe that I can participate in anything I want to.

Well, I don't generally make new year resolutions. They are always half-assed and get broken. I am changing my life style. I have joined a gym. She's Fit it is called and I am really happy with them so far. I did my first work out tonight and actually had fun! The staff are awesome and I saw what they were promising from themselves be put in to action. I have signed up for a monitored meal plan. I went and did all the grocery shopping for it tonight to. The food sounds great and uses real ingredients, not portioned microwave meals like other plans. I have commited to changing, getting healthy, and getting fit. I want to lose inches as well as pounds. I don't know what a realistic goal is but I'm going to say if I can loose 100lbs in a year I will be VERY proud of myself! Wish me luck and help keep me accountable! Join me at the gym :)

4 comments:

LeAnna (and David) said...

Good luck!

Louise and Gary Chapman said...

That must've been hard to post about, I am proud of you for starting a life style change! Would it be helpful to post your weight loss each week or month in order to help keep you accountable? You can do it!

Jaclyn_Rose said...

Good luck Katie - that's an awesome goal - and you have a beautiful daughter to motivate you! Doesn't the thought of playing with your grandchildren and spoiling them to death seem so exciting after the work of raising one and having to do all the hard work?? hehe

Alyssa said...

You are brave to put it out there!! I wish I had your courage. As someone who has struggled with the same issues (and is working very hard to lose the weight) - I know how you feel.

(btw - a reasonable and HEALTHY rate of weight loss is 1 lb/week, so 50-60/year. more than that and you can actually create a whole new set of health problems)

I'm glad you're having a positive gym experience - that's my next step. Thanks for being willing to share - reminders others that they aren't the only ones struggling.

Good Luck!