Belated One Month

I missed blogging about Sofie's one month, so here it is!

Sofie has been home in Canada for over a month now and out of the orphanage for 6 weeks. I'm celebrating the one month from being in Canada because that is when we really felt like our adoption journey had ended and when we started seeing Sofie begin to develop. It has been such an eventful month. My entire life has completely changed! Some things are much more difficult than I had hoped they would be, but most of it is easier. Things are starting to calm down though. Sofie definitely has her fussy, grumpy days but for the most part we are on a schedule and things are getting a little more predictable.

Sofie has exceeded our expectations. She is now 22lbs, which is over 2 lbs up! Most of that has been in the last two weeks since she has begun to eat "real" adult food. On September 3rd she was still 20.6 lbs and was refusing to eat the baby food for her dinner so I decided to try and see if she'd eat what I was eating. She couldn't get enough and hasn't stopped since! She still doesn't chew probably so we have to be careful about the size but the textures don't seem to bother her too much! She is rather particular though. She will usually only eat off our plate. We've tried to trick her a few times in to eating the baby food I still have, so she has some trust issues :) She thinks if it is in her bowl then we are giving her baby food. Oops. Her development in the food area is amazing. I can still not get over how fast this transition was, especially with how big of an issue it was for her in Bulgaria!

She still has a bit of a hard time getting to sleep but this is slowly getting better. We have her on a strict schedule of up at 8am, nap 1-3pm and bed 8pm. We generally have to wake her up in the morning and at nap but if we let her sleep until she wakes up she will not nap at a decent time or go to sleep really late. She generally takes about an hour to relax enough to get to sleep. During this time we lay beside her crib, reassuring her, singing lullabies and modelling sleep :) The time to get to sleep is lengthened if she has been overstimulated during the day but in recent days we have had her asleep in 45 min! There have even been a few 30 minute down times and one 15 min! One particularly bad day we did give her a few drops of melatonin. It works really well for her. She goes straight to sleep with it. I think I'm okay with using it sporadically for her on rough days. She needs her sleep! Once she is asleep she generally sleeps the night through. There has only been a handful of nights where she has woken up crying. I love being able to teach her that I will always be there and come to her!

Sofie smiles every time we come in to the room. It is priceless. She is smiling and responding to us a lot more now too. It is quite awesome to see. She is a little moody though and can give the most deadly glares. When she is upset, mad, or frustrated, everyone knows it! She hits what ever or who ever is closest to her when she is mad and she can hurt! We are slowly figuring it out though. We remove her a few feet from what ever she is hitting or put her down. She usually yells at us then, but once she signs to us that she will be gentle she can come back up or get close again. Not sure if that is in any of the parenting books but it is working. I don't think she is ready for time outs or anything like that yet. Once she starts using her voice to talk, things should get a lot easier! Not sure if that is coming any time soon though.

She did say Mama though! On September 11 she was starting to cry in the hallway and called for me! Yay! She only says it when she is upset but she is saying it. It is the beginning! She understands a lot of English now, particularly when we are telling her not to do something :) Her thin hair patch is almost gone. It is filling in nicely. She rocks far less. We only see her rocking now when she is listening to music alone or when she is winding down to get to sleep in her crib. This is also a huge advancement. She rocked ALL the time in Bulgaria. She also clicks her jaw way less too!

Livi has been adjusting really well too. I think these last two weeks have really been great for her. She has realized Sofie is here to stay and her classes have started. She is in gymnastics on Wednesday nights and gets to go with one parent and no Sofie. She LOVES gymnastics and has been talking about it all summer. She is in the kindergym class now and doesn't have parent involvement. She is such a big girl! Her dance class has also started which she also really enjoys. We've pushed that these are things only big girls get too do and she takes a lot of pride in that. I think it helps her to have something that only she gets to do.

Livi is a very doting sister, most of the time. She helps out a lot in getting things for me to help with Sofie and  likes playing with Sofie, even if Sofie doesn't usually like Livi in her personal space. They are both learning each other's boundaries though. Livi does get easily frustrated with Sofie but doesn't like it if any one else does, even Jon and I. If we use our "stern" voice, Livi is the first one to remind us that Sofie is just a baby and doesn't understand. Just the other day I was telling Sofie not to touch the TV and she was not listening. Livi could hear I was getting frustrated. She turned too me and put her hand up saying "I can handle it. I can handle it." I wasn't sure if it was a smart parenting move to let her handle it but she was so sure of herself and I thought it was too funny to step in.

Another precious sister moment was last week. Livi had woken up first, like she usually does, gone to look in Sofie's crib. When she came over to our room I asked her what she was doing.
"Just looking at Sofie."
I asked, "What were you thinking?"
Livi said, "Just thinking that Sofie is so beautiful."
My heart melted a little bit.

All in all, this first month has been really great. We are getting a routine figured out. Sofie is attaching really well and Livi is feeling loved and cared for too! Now if Jon and I could only figure out how to have energy to spend some quality time together we'd be set! I can't wait to see how well the next month goes!

7 Years - Aug 8

Today is Jon and mine's 7 year wedding anniversary! It is so weird to think that I am old enough to have been married for 7 years. It might as well be 30! Okay, maybe not. But I feel pretty blessed to have been able to spend 7 years with such a wonderful man! No "itch" yet ;)

10 Things I Love About Jon and Our Marriage:

1. I love that we are so different. I know this probably falls under "things I hate about our marriage" but being so different balances us.
2. I love the Sex... Yup, I just said it :)
3. I love Jon's hugs.
4. I love how much I have learned from Jon and continue learning.
5. I love how we are both COMPLETELY on the same page when it comes to raising our kids and expanding our family.
6. I love how geeky he is... but don't tell him that!
7. I love how trust worthy Jon is as a husband and man.
8. I love how giving he is. Not just to the needy or charities, but he doesn't take stock of who gives or does more with any of his relationships and is always willing to go the extra mile for those he loves.
9. I love how well he listens. I don't mean in a taking orders kind of way, but in a really hearing what I have to say kind of way. (When it counts anyway.... 7 years does plug the ears a little sometimes!)
10. Most of all, I love how he loves me so completely. I don't always quite understand him, or get where he is coming from but I know that no matter what is going on, he loves me and I am blessed.

So, today was a little bit of a different kind of anniversary than if we had been at home in Canada. We didn't get to go out alone to celebrate each other making it 7 years with the other one. We had Sofie of course! Honestly, we barely remembered that it was our anniversary. We are kind of running on empty over here but we are okay. We have really been there for each other through this whole past week and barely even snapped at each other... which tends to happen when we are tired and stressed. We are trying to be there for Sofie and give her all that she needs from us. We are taking turns when we need them and figuring each others cues out before we need to even ask. I'm amazed how well we are handling things actually. To top off the stress, I am still sick. Last night was the worst. My whole body was heaving but there was nothing left to get out of me. Not a pleasant feeling. During the day I seem to be able to cope though. I happened to find a English speaking pharmacist who gave me some pills. Not sure what I'm taking but I'm not in the bathroom every 20 minutes tonight :)

Sofie is an angel. She is quite possibly the easiest three year old to take care of or parent that I have ever met... except when it is time to eat or drink or go to bed. She is definitely displaying some 'being from an institution' behavior and sensory issues. She rocks on her back when she is bored... but surprisingly not when she is trying to go to sleep. She cries through out every meal. We bought some baby food and pablum that we are mixing with the formula we bought. She has been eating well but cries on and off through out it. She doesn't like things in her mouth although we are starting to see her exploring with that a little. Today she actually had her toes in her mouth and has been putting the rubber teether brush in there a lot too! She won't drink. We have been watering down a lot of the food and sneaking the liquid in that way but it's been a struggle. We bought two different kinds of sippy cups, have tried numerous adult cups and water bottles. She refuses to entertain the idea of a straw of bottle nipple in her mouth too. Bed time tonight sucked. She cried on and off for an hour and a half. Not just crying either... she tantrummed. If she falls asleep on us in our sling, bed time is not an issue. But if she is not ready for the sling or bed it is an ordeal. I'm hoping this gets better quickly at home. She needs a routine I think.

Otherwise, today was a good day! We went to the St. Sofia church. The oldest church in Sofia. It was really neat to see. Sofie was doing really well this morning so we ventured off to the Ladies Market, which was mostly a lot of fruits and veggies and knock off clothing. Sofie fell asleep in the sling while we were walking and slept for about an hour. First nap since the first day! Yay! We walked back and passed lots of interesting tourist spots...

The stone that sealed the entrance the the 4th Century crypt 

beneath the St. Sofia Church.

 

 Inside the St. Sofia. The bricks date back to the 6th century

 The old Turkish baths. The building is being restored now.

 Mineral springs. People line up for hours some days to fill their jugs up! 

We thought we'd get a refreshing drink but the water was really hot!

 Changing of the Guards at the Presidency. 

I missed the shot of them high marching.

We stayed in our hotel room during the really hot part of the day and went out again for our Anniversary dinner! The first meal I'd eaten all day because of the sickness the night before! It was delicious! We ended the day with a bath and showers for Mommy and Daddy before our epic night routine. Then Jon treated us to a room service snack and dessert while watching Paris Hilton's BFF on TV. It was the only English show on besides financial news! All in all, a pretty memorable 7th anniversary! Looking forward to 70 more!

Hanging out on a 20 century old pillar!

Happy Anniversary Mommy and Daddy!

Family

*Warning * 

This is a really rambling post that I wrote just to get all my thoughts out of my head... 

I wouldn't read it if I were you. . 

With our family dynamics about to change and things starting to progress relationally with my sister who has been estranged for two years, I've been thinking about family a lot lately. What are families supposed to look like? What do healthy parent-child relationships and sibling relationships look like? How do you raise your children to have good relationships with each other as children and in to their adult lives?

I have no idea! Jon and I were raised in polar opposite households and as many difficulties as my siblings and I have had over the years, Jon and his siblings have just as many issues between them. One up-bringing was not better than the other. We are both screwed up equally... That's probably why we put up with each other so well! We basically just need to relax, do our best and accept that we are going to mess up the kids some how, love them each unconditionally and equally, and hope that we have given them the tools to be healthy people in every way possible. 

I probably have too high of expectations of what relationships should look like and have had those expectations brought down a few notches in recent years. Things are getting better with my sister. I don't talk about it much but a lot of you know that my sister cut her family out of her life about two years ago. We've been going to family counselling for about a year now in hopes of rebuilding that relationship and just recently there has been enough healing to start seeing some progress in that relationship.

A few weeks ago my sister met Livi for the first time since she was two months old. That was a really big step for me. Livi is my world and introducing Liz back in to my world after so much hurt and mistrust was hard. I didn't want to introduce Livi in to the drama that tends to be in my family. It went really well though. Livi was a little confused. She knew she wasn't her Auntie Sessa but couldn't figure out why they looked so much alike. It was a little weird at first but Livi makes things relaxed and she tries to get to know everyone. She is a pretty amazing kid. I relaxed and it was almost like old times. There is still a long way to go in my relationship with my sister and for the whole family to heal but we are moving in the right direction.

My family has had a lot to deal with... Less than some but more than others. I always considered us really close... especially us girls. As we all got older though, our lives started to take us down different paths. We didn't have as much in common as we used to and figuring out those new dynamics was tricky, especially for me who had been in a parental role most of our lives together and has a controlling personality. I'm really close with my mom, some say a little too close. Because of the trials that we have been through together we are slightly co-dependent, but in the best sense of the word :)

With all the garbage that my family has been through we have had no choice but to be an open book. We've always communicated undisguised, with all the dirt and love that goes with it. I've learned to tame my mouth a little in recent years but authenticity and communication are still so important to me in any relationship. I don't know how else to relate to people but by being honest and I don't really even see the point. It is just too fake for me then.

I understand that there is a time and a place for true authenticity but I also don't think we are truly authentic enough. I don't mean that everyone should go and tell everyone the personal parts of your life that is not there business but I do think that family is where you should be free to be truly authentic and communicate openly. I know that as my kids get older there are things that they are going to keep from me and as a parent there are things that I am not going to tell them but I really do appreciate the openness that I was raised with... even though it was birthed out of dysfunction.

I hope to continue that level of authenticity and communication in my little family while still establishing and maintaining the authority and respect that is deserved as a parent. Hmmm... am I setting my expectations up too high again?

Adoption

I've been getting a lot of questions about our adoption and thought it would be easiest just to make a post about it and send it to everyone. I've been working on this for a while now so it is turning out to be a lot longer than I thought it would be. If I missed anything, just send your questions my way! I love talking about my soon to be baby!

Why are you adopting?
The answer to this question is tied in very closely with the answer to the next question, so read them together. No, we do not have any fertility issues or risk of having a high-risk pregnancy. We are choosing to use adoption as a way to help complete our family, just as having a "home-grown" child would. I've never really understood the idea that having a birth child was better than having an adopted child. I hate the common, but wrong, assumption that adoption is a "second choice".

Adoption was always in the plans for Jon and I, even when we were first dating. We wanted to have the experience of having an adopted child, just as much as we wanted the experience of having a birth child.

There are so many children of different ages, sexes, and developmental abilities and challenges needing to be loved and appreciated for who they are. We believe that we are good parents and can provide that home for at least one of those children. We believe that our family will be blessed beyond imagination with having this child in our lives.

Why are you choosing to adopt a child with Down Syndrome?
We have a strong belief in the value of living in community. Community, to us, is not distinct from different races, religions, age, sexual preferences, socio-economic status, or developmental abilities or challenges. We want to maintain this value in a very real way with our family. In my experience, the blessings a person receives are indescribable when they are in community with a person with different abilities, particularly Down Syndrome. I am a better person today because Maggy, my sister with DS, came in to my life.

We chose DS as the developmental "challenge" for practical reasons. Each developmental ability has its own set of blessings and challenges. Jon and I both have a lot of experience with people with DS and feel the most confident in our ability to parent a child with DS over a child with a different diagnosis.

Where are you adopting from and why?
We are wanting to adopt from Eastern Europe. Probably from Bulgaria, because the agency we have chosen has a good relationship with Bulgaria, but possibly Serbia.

We have chosen to do an international adoption from Eastern Europe instead of a domestic adoption for a few reasons. I have heard and held the belief that people should help fix the problems in their own communities and countries before going out to help others. It is true that there are lots of waiting children in Canada who have various developmental special needs that we could adopt. It would be A LOT cheaper for us too. We also believe that there are a lot more opportunities for Canada's waiting children, whether they get adopted or not. They will be in a family setting with foster care and we have systems in place to ensure that their needs are being met.

Orphanages are used to care for unwanted children in a lot of other countries. Orphanages are essentially flawed. The system they run on does not provide a good atmosphere for children to flourish in. There is minimal stimulation for a child's brain to develop, there are not enough workers per child which leaves the children neglected, and they are frequently rampant with abuse. We have the opportunity to save a child from this life and we can not turn our back on that opportunity.

Children with special needs in countries that have seen years of war and political unrest, or lack resources suffer the most. There is barely enough energy to take care of the people that can advocate for themselves, which leave the people with out voices lost. People with special needs are frequently a reminder of a societies vulnerability and hidden away from the public eye. Cultures, along with doctors, urge birth parents to institutionalize their developmentally challenged children. Frequently, once a child with special needs reaches a certain age they are sent to an institution. Life in an institution is eerily comparable to life in a concentration camp. Their pride, dignity, respect, and lives are stripped away from them. Many do not reach adulthood. Some people who do are the size of children with their limbs tightly twisted because they have never been taken out of their cribs. Abuse from overworked, and sometimes uncaring, staff is a daily occurrence. They have no opportunity to thrive and have never experienced love or joy. Eastern Europe is rampant with this kind of treatment of people with developmental special needs.

I have seen, first hand, the damage that Woodlands (the institution in Coquitlam that was finally shut down in the '90s) has done to people. It makes me sick to think that people still believe people with developmental disabilities are not valuable and that societies still use these barbaric institutions to deal with their "problems".
We want to do what we can to save a child from that life and help them, and others, realize how valuable they really are.

Do you know who you are adopting already?
No, we don't know who we are adopting yet. We were given a profile of a little girl before we even started our home-study, but we decided to say no to committing to her right away. Our decision was hard to make but I feel we made the right one. She was older than Livi, which we had not really wanted. There are a whole bunch of different things to consider with adopting out of birth order, that we felt unprepared for. Mostly, though, it was to early in the process. Usually, a profile is not presented until after you have finished your home-study. We felt like we still had a lot to learn and a lot to consider before we made such an important decision.

We do know that we want to adopt a little girl about Livi's age. The plan is for them to share a room and become best friends and never fight ;) Yeah, right! I do hope they are friends but I am under no allusions that they are not going to fight. We have chosen a little girl so they could share a room, even when they are older.

We want to maintain birth order if possible, but we are willing to rethink that if a child is proposed to us that seems to be a good fit... that's why we say "around Livi's age". Most children are not eligible for international adoption until after they are at least 6 months old. We are not attached to the idea of adopting an infant. Most people want infants for attachment reasons, I assume, but an older child needs a loving family just as much as a baby. A bonus for adopting an older child with a developmental disability is that we may have a better idea as to his or her developmental potential and behavioral needs. That is not a deal breaker for us but definitely a plus in preparing to bring her home.

 What is the process and how much does it cost?
The process for a special needs child international adoption in BC is the exact same as any other international adoption, minus the long wait for a proposal...

1. First you need to contact one of the five approved adoption agencies and fill out the preliminary application.

2. Pay for and begin your home-study. Under BC law this needs to take a minimum of 3 months and consist of 5-7 visits, 1-2 hours each, with a social worker so that he/she can get an accurate picture of whether you are fit to be parents of an adopted child. You will get asked LOTS of personal questions. The home-study includes A LOT of paper work, medical forms, questionnaires, reference checks, etc. It also includes an education portion, which each agency may do a little differently. Some have you go to classes, others have it all online, and others do a combination of both. Our agency does the education online, with a big essay due at the end, but because we are adopting a child with special needs, they are probably going to refer us to a class specific to special needs children through the Ministry.

We are in the home-study portion right now. We are one month in, have completed all the paper work, except any that is involved with the education, and have our second meeting with the social worker this Friday.

3. Once our social worker deems us good potential adoptive parents, we pay the agency to help us compile and send our dossier. Our dossier, basically, is us on paper. It is a complete report from the social worker and another whole round of paper work that gets translated and sent to the other country as our application to adopt from them. This takes just a few months, depending on how in depth the country requires and how quickly we get all the paper work in.

4. We then find out if we are approved by the country and then wait for a proposal of a child. Now, with this being a special needs adoption, some countries may fast track the adoption. Since we already received one proposal, we are hoping that we will not have to do any waiting and actually find out who our daughter is before our home-study is completely over.

5. The next steps differ between countries. What we are expecting to happen, at this point if we are adopting from Bulgaria, is for Jon and I to travel to meet the child and give the final okay to take her, sign some papers, then have to leave her in the orphanage! That is going to be really hard for me. Another few months for all the documents to go through court, receive her visas and any other documents we'll need. Then, I will return, probably alone in order to save money, to go and bring her home forever! There are a lot of legal fees and travel costs in this step too.

The cost will depend on the country, but an adoption from Bulgaria costs about $25,000 $28,000. The total time frame we are looking at is 12-18months, depending on how quickly we get all the paperwork in and how backed up the courts are.

You may be wondering how we are going to afford this too. Well, we are going to go in to debt. We had enough money to pay for the home-study, so that is where we started. We are looking in to different ways of saving and coming up with the money. There are some low interest adoption loans and other small grants that we can apply for too. It won't cover everything, but we are trusting that we will find the money some how. Our baby girl will be coming home to us soon. I can't wait to meet her!

Still Recovering

I am still recovering. It is going a lot slower than I thought it would be. I'm not in pain anymore but I just don't feel right. My appetite is completely gone and I feel bloated and full most of the time. After I eat, the bloating feels worse. Today was my first day without help with Livi too, so I'm a little sore from picking her up so much. I didn't think I would still be so sore.

I didn't make it to the gym today and I'm feeling anxious that my meal plan has completely gone out the window. I can barely eat the amount of food that Livi is eating and don't have much energy to prepare meals. Certain foods have given me cramps too. I feel like I'm loosing my momentum to exerciser. I went to the gym yesterday to just do15 minutes of cardio. I hurt at a few points and had to relax, and I was sweating and light headed by the end of it. It was worse than my first work out! I left feeling slightly disheartened. My first weigh in is next week!

I think I need to relax about my recovery though. The nurse did say atleast two weeks before I was doing everything that I was before. I've always been an impatient overachiever. I figured I'd be back to normal in a week.

Lifestyle Change 101

So, I've fully embraced my new healthier lifestyle and am actually finding it easier than I thought I would. I went to the gym three times last week and finding that I am almost loving it! I like how I feel after I've reached my goal for the day. The adrenaline that I feel still pumping through me when I'm showering afterward is so empowering. I know what all those athletic people are talking about now!

The meal plan isn't as bad as I was expecting either... it isn't quite as good as I was hoping though. I guess that is because it is lacking all the sugar and trans fats that I am used to. I'm not buying their food or anything like that. I'm following recipes and portions from a daily menu of normal food I buy at the grocery store that is specific to my likes and dislikes. It is teaching me what and how much I should be eating. I have room to enjoy eating out and to have the occasional treat, but hopefully I can have the control to watch my portions and go crazy with the treats. It is teaching me to read the nutritional charts and be aware of how many calories I'm eating.

I think the most surprising part of what I am doing is how much food they are wanting me to eat! It will be less as I lose body fat but right now they have me eating nearly 400 calories five times a day! I'm used to three bigger meals and a smaller snack or two. I'm having trouble finishing everything they are giving me. I guess it is to keep my metabolism going and keep me full between meals, but I'm sometimes still full at meal times! I guess that's what happens when you eat the proper food.

I've thought a bit more about my specific goal in this new endeavour. Jon and I are planning to take a vacation in October or November, assuming no major life events disrupt those plans. So, my goal is to lose 50 pounds by then. They say a healthy weight loss is done at about one to two pounds a week. I figure there is a little over forty weeks between now and our vacation. I also figure that my meal plan and excersise regime will be a little shot for the next few weeks since I am having my gallbladder removed on Wednesday and I won't be allowed to excersise as hard as I have been or eat properly. So, 50lbs in 40 weeks is doable right? My first weigh in is on the 28th... it will be every two weeks after that. I just thought with my surgery I would give it an extra week to get back to excersising before my first weigh in. I'll keep you posted!

New Year's Resolution?

Overall, I am a very confident person. Not a lot of things faze me or make me falter. I do have one weakness though. I rarely talk about it but I do not have a good body image. I've been on the larger side of the scale as long as I can remember. Food was how I coped with all the stress in my life as a child. Food was what I could control in a chaotic surrounding.

I have never broken this habit of using food to cope with things. I never had the motivation. When I was a teenager and the 200lb mark was approaching, I just tried to put it out of my mind. I didn't think about it and continued telling myself that if I wanted to eat a bag of chips or a few cookies it wouldn't hurt me... after all, I deserved a little treat after a stressful day.

In recent years I've gone through ups and downs with my wieght but I have been approaching the 300lb mark. At my last weigh in, I found out that I've reached it. This is very scary for me to say and to write about. I have been denying the problem in me head for nearly twenty years. Giving words to it makes it real. It makes it something that I have to face. I remember thinking that I would never reach this moment. That people who were 300lbs looked REALLY fat and didn't care about themselves. I don't look at myself long enough in the mirror to judge whether I look fat or not. I do care about myself, but have been able to justify everything in my mind.

My gallstones are partly a genetic thing but also a symptom of my poor diet. When they did the ultrasound to diagnose my gallstones, the doctor found some fat deposits on my liver. This is completely reversable, because I am still young, but if I continue down the path I am going there will be irreversible damage and an early death. I don't want to leave my children, or grandchildren early. I want to have enough energy to play as long and as hard as Livi wants to. I want to feel confident in my own skin and believe that I can participate in anything I want to.

Well, I don't generally make new year resolutions. They are always half-assed and get broken. I am changing my life style. I have joined a gym. She's Fit it is called and I am really happy with them so far. I did my first work out tonight and actually had fun! The staff are awesome and I saw what they were promising from themselves be put in to action. I have signed up for a monitored meal plan. I went and did all the grocery shopping for it tonight to. The food sounds great and uses real ingredients, not portioned microwave meals like other plans. I have commited to changing, getting healthy, and getting fit. I want to lose inches as well as pounds. I don't know what a realistic goal is but I'm going to say if I can loose 100lbs in a year I will be VERY proud of myself! Wish me luck and help keep me accountable! Join me at the gym :)

I Survived!

Today, I babysat! I'll be honest, I was a little terrified. I don't know why I was so scared. Being left alone with five special needs adults, with varying degrees of abilities, would be no problem. Being left alone with two one year old's sent my anxiety through the roof! I don't think my fear was very reassuring for the parents who were leaving their precious child in my "capable" hands.

I think the anxiety started about ten months ago. I started trading babysitting with a friend for short periods of time when Livi was just 3 months old. I was not ready to be babysitting another child yet. I was still feeling out how to care for my own child. I did okay but I was always so stressed out when one child was upset, or when I couldn't be everything to both children. Being three months apart the two babies were at such different stages developmentally and had very different temperaments. I would be exhausted after only a few hours of watching both babies. Babysitting trading only lasted for about four or five months because my friend started needing more regular care and for longer periods of time. I was reluctant to commit to anything because I was not handling it very well. Don't worry, both children were very well cared for when I had them... it was just me that was having the problems.

Well, I tried a hand at babysitting again today. Not just for a few hours either. Jude came over for the whole day! I had to do a lot of self-talk last night, trying to convince myself that I could do it with out being stressed. I kept having to tell myself that they where both so much older now and developmentally very close. Jude and Livi are still three months apart but the developmental gap has decreased drastically. They played so well together, aside from Livi hitting Jude's head a few times trying to get my attention (I think there was some jealousy happening) and Jude pulling Livi's hair in frustration.

My day consisted of me sitting on the floor supervising while Jude and Livi played with each other and climbed over me periodically. It was a lot of fun! There were no major melt downs. Just a few crocodile tears here and there. It went better than I hoped for! They even had an hour nap at the same time which meant I got to nap! How great is that?! Now that I know I can do it, even have fun babysitting, I will be a lot more confident to say yes to babysitting in the future... maybe even go out in to public with two kids?!

Sorry, no pictures. I did think of it but I didn't want to push my luck by moving my focus on to anything but them :)