Sofie's Blessing

Today we celebrated the end to our adoption journey and the beginning of our newest parenting journey. My sisters helped throw Sofie a Welcome Home party! Around 40-50 of our closest family and friends were able to join us. It meant so much to us that everyone made such an effort to come out and meet Sofie. Sofie did really well with all the people there. She started getting fussy about 2 hours in but calmed right down when I took her inside for a break.

During the party we took a little time to incorporate Sofie's Blessing in. If you were reading my old blog when Livi was a baby you'll already know what this is. If not, I'll recap for you....

We have decided to do Blessings for our children instead of the typical Evangelical child dedications or the Orthodox baptisms. For Jon and I, being raised Evangelical, we both never really liked dedications. I couldn't wrap my mind around how I could dedicate a child to God who was already so completely and obviously of God and from God already. It didn't sit well with me. I also don't love the idea of having a dedication in a large church setting with people there who are not in your close community. In Evangelical dedication services that I've been too, they always have a part where the church affirms they will support the parents and hold them accountable to rear their child in a Godly manner. I'm sorry, that is just opening up a whole can of worms that I have issues with. Most of the church goers, in my experience, are not going to actually support the parents, so why vow to? If anyone who is not in my close community comes and tells me I am not raising my kids right or in accordance with their ideas of Godly rearing, there is going to be some very pointed and harsh words spoken. It is not their place. As for a baptism, this was more my issue. I just can't get totally on board with the theology behind an infant baptism, though I have no problem with other people choosing this.

A Blessing, for us, is a much better choice. We invite our friends and family, who we know are in our community who do and will support us. Because we have not really had any special bond with our church pastors, we have our closest friends do the blessings. This is also in part because when we did the Blessing for Livi as a baby, Jon's dad had just died and he would have done it for us. So, we needed our close friends involved to help fill that void. We chose to have the blessings in three parts. Blessing the Child, Blessing the Parents, and the Pastoral Blessing for the whole family. It is such a special and unique experience for us that seems to be catching on with our friends too!

Geoff was Jon's room mate all through college, best men at each others weddings, and have remained 'hetero-life mates'. He is also our most "pastoral/religious" friend so he was the obvious choice for the Pastoral Blessing. He opened up the ceremony and closed it with some words of affirmation and a prayer.

Brent was also one of Jon's room mates in college and we have remained good friends through out the years. Jon and Brent both met their wives in their college years and Mary and I have become good friends too! They are so good to us and help push us out of our comfort zones, which Jon and I need every once in a while. We asked them to do the Blessing for the Child. Mary made a beautiful quilt for Sofie as part of the blessing that will be treasured. Brent also read a poem to go with it.

Patchwork Quilt

This family is like a patchwork quilt

With kindness gently sewn

Each piece is an original

With beauty of its own

With threads of warmth and happiness

It's tightly stitched together

To last in love throughout the years

This family is forever.

- Unknown Author

Ben was another roommate of Jon's in college and the same as Brent, met his wife in his college years. All 6 of us have remained quite close through these last 10 years. Ben and Danielle became parents just a few months before we did, both times! So, they were the obvious choice to do the Blessing for the Parents :) Ben gave some words of wisdom and Danielle read a poem as well as gave some rocks with significant words of blessing written on them. The words were Space, Rest, Breathe, Release, and Gentleness. I've needed each of these things in the past few weeks and I'm sure in the coming years!

The Way

It is in spaciousness

That we breathe

Find stillness to rest in

Allowing what is

To be

Letting go of expectations

And embracing gentleness

As the way to truly heal

Opening and softening

We become

This is how we unlearn our way back to God.

- Lisa A McCrohan

All in all it was a fun party! My sister made a super amazing ladybug cake. She's been taking some cake decorating lessons and getting really good at it! The weather was amazing and we had the kid's pool out. I don't know what we would have done if it had rained. We felt so blessed by all the love and support we received from people. We truly are one lucky family. My only regret was that I didn't get to talk with everyone. I said goodbye to some people before I said hello to them. It is very different visiting when I have to attend to two little ones who need my constant attention and get in to everything!

Life is definitely full right now. Exciting, challenging, adventurous, difficult, joyful, fun, and frustrating all wrapped up together. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love my life, my husband, my girls, my family, and my friends :)

Livi got a few gifts at the Blessing too. 

This apron was from her Uncle Tony and Aunt Lisa. 

They searched high and low for this gift and it was much appreciated by Livi!

Goings On

These last few days have been going much better. Getting to sleep for Sofie and Livi still really sucks but Jon and I are working at remaining calm. This is a very difficult task at times, particularly at night when Livi is being completely defiant and Sofie won't settle. Us being calm seems to really help Sofie especially. She seems to REALLY pick up on our moods. Sofie is still taking about an hour to go to sleep at nap time and sometimes longer at bed time. We are laying down beside her crib to reassure her until she is asleep or nearly asleep. It is easier to do when both Jon and I are in the room. Livi gets jealous of the attention to Sofie and acts out keeping Sofie up at bed time. With one of us with one kid each, things tend to go a bit smoother and we keep each other calm too! Our rooms are attached so we sleep with the door open and she can see us in our bed from her crib if she wakes up but we generally have to wake her up. We are trying a strict schedule of up at 8am, nap time at 1 until 3 whether she sleeps or not, and down by 8pm again.

Yesterday, I took Sofie to see Kathy. She is a doctor in Traditional Chinese Medicine. I love her. She has done a lot for my entire family. I can't recommend her enough! She made some suggestions of food to watch out for with Sofie that will hopefully help her get healthier and sleep better. She also recommended a few minerals that we are going to try. Sofie is obviously deficient in some of her nutrition and minerals but we are working hard at getting her healthy! The bags under her eyes that she had in the orphanage are almost gone and her color is so much better. She was so pale when we first got her. I'm so amazed at the change. Hopefully these mineral changes can help with her sleep too.

Melatonin really worked for Sofie. We had tried it at nap time for a few days and it really worked. She slept for over two hours both days but then wouldn't sleep until 10pm each night. We weren't sure which way was worse. We didn't want to give her more at night because we've heard that dependency can form on melatonin so we don't want to prolong or over use it at all. With her hour and a half settling time though, we are definitely thinking of using it again. We're going to give Kathy's suggestions a bit of time to work though before we go back to it.

We were able to go to the water park the other day. Sofie really liked the swing but the water was too cold for them to really play in. Livi is more of a pool girl anyways. With how much Sofie likes baths, I suspect Sofie is too.

Enjoying the swing way too much :)

 Staying close to Mommy!

 RUN!!!!

Sofie has all but not given up baby food! She refuses to eat her food unless it is the fruit purees. She has eaten fish and rice, taco salad and mac 'n cheese. She thinks that we are trying to trick her too and won't eat it unless it is off our plate from an adult fork! A little frustrating but great developmentally! She has made leaps and bounds in this area. She is still not chewing properly but it is coming. We just have to make sure she gets small bites and it is mostly soft. I'm not sure what we are going to do with all the baby food I bought!

Today was Livi's first day of gymnastics! All summer she has been talking about how she is going to gymnastics in September. She was so excited. She was in the big girl class all by herself with kids up to 5 years old! She didn't need Mommy or Daddy to do it with her. I must say I was exceptionally proud of her. She listened to the teacher like a pro and did everything! The teacher was really impressed with her jumping and bum drop ability! She starts dance on Tuesday then the following week both girls, with Mommy and Daddy, have a music class that I think is going to be tons of fun! Livi isn't in preschool yet so we figure some extra activities are good for her :) 

A Rough Day

Today was rough. Sofie hasn't napped in three days. I know some people might think that maybe she doesn't need to nap. She is three after all. Many three year old's have given up there naps. As her mother, I truly do not believe this is the case. If we can't figure this out, it may turn out to be the case, but in my gut I feel like she still needs naps. When she misses her naps she is tired, grumpy, hits and pulls hair more, has more melt downs and bigger food issues. She needs a nap. Quiet time isn't cutting it.

I had a melt down today too. Up until these last two days, I'd been doing really well. I think I have still been on the adrenaline of bringing Sofie home. I remember that same adrenaline when I had Livi. I felt like I could do anything. I had Livi on Thursday and I think it was Tuesday that we went out for the day, my house was clean and I wanted to show off my baby! The feeling hasn't been quite so drastic this second time around but it has lasted longer. I'm at week three today of having Sofie home and only now having my first melt down. I think with Livi it was within the first week.

There is such a thing as post-adoption depression, like postpartum depression. I don't think I am there. I think I am just entering the 'blues' stage. Like baby blues. I remember crying almost every day for a few months with Livi. I don't feel like that is going to happen with Sofie. I had a lot of other stuff going on when Livi was born. I am just adjusting, just like everyone else in my family.

Jon was trying to be sweet and supportive but he had had it with the kids today too. I think I handle it better when only one of us is at the end of our rope, but today we both were. He suggested I go out with a friend or my sisters tomorrow but I honestly don't have enough energy to go out. I wouldn't be relaxed. I would just be thinking of all the things at home that I should be doing or cleaning. I know he was trying to help. This is my issue right now. I feel like once I get the house clean again and things more organized then I can handle it all, but the reality is setting in that my house will never be clean! I'm living in a basement suite with a sub-standard kitchen and unless we want to invest some serious money, things will never be as organized as I want them. There will always be splatters of who-knows-what on various perplexing spots around the house and I will continually step on things that are lying in the floor. I know I'm exaggerating things but this is my reality right now. I'm trying to tell myself that this will pass but tonight it doesn't feel like it!

I don't like feeling this way though. I yelled at both my kids today... surprisingly it didn't seem to phase either of them. Livi had been defiant as usual and Sofie was trying to throw poo at me for the second time today. It was not my finest hour. I don't know exactly what needs to change in my thinking to handle this better. Sleep will help. What if Sofie never naps? I'll be alone in December and need to figure it out for myself. Losing control and yelling  in frustration or anger scares me. I can't let myself go down that road. I know where that road leads and I will die before letting my kids experience any part of that. It is in me though. I think that is why it scares me so much. I will be better tomorrow. I know I will. I just need sleep.

Learning

I've been a little behind on my blogging. Taking care of two three year olds is a lot of work! They are giant black holes of energy. It has been so much fun though. They are such an amazing blessing and I'm amazed at how much I am continuing to learn!

Being a parent of two is so different than one. My house is always dirty. Laundry is never ending. I continually find splatters of food in places that they weren't eating. Toys are every where and my floors are never clean, even right after I clean them! The biggest thing I am learning is to let my house go. It doesn't have to be clean at the end of each day. It is okay if there are toys in every room. If the dishes don't get done in the evening, I can catch up with them in the morning. I think I'm dealing with the every day messes okay, but when I've slacked a little and not cleaned the floors or bathroom all week I do get overwhelmed and grumpy about it. I'm learning to let the cleanliness of my house go. 

I'm learning to cope on little sleep again. I'm getting more sleep than if we had brought home an infant, but it still isn't as much sleep as I was getting with only one kid! I want sleep with out feeling like I should be doing something else!

I'm learning what both of my girls need from me and when. Livi needs one on one time where she recognizes that I am choosing to spend time with her and not Sofie during this time. I realize that this has a lot to do with her jealousy issues right now but this is something that I can do for her, when the timing is appropriate and Jon is available to be with Sofie or she is sleeping. Morning cuddles have been something her and Jon have been enjoying and I've been spending some big girl time with her before bed while Jon puts Sofie to bed a little earlier than Livi. Sofie needs me to read her properly and move at her pace. I am getting much better at this but sometimes it takes her following me from room to room for 20 minutes before I realize she wants something. I need to slow down for her. 

All three of us are learning things about Sofie and how to make everyone more comfortable. Jon and I are taking turns getting up early with the kids and feeding them breakfast. We are trying new solutions for Sofie's sleeping issues. Sleep sacks are going to be our saving grace for the winter for her and I actually think Sofie feels a little more secure in them. Our only problem is going to be finding them big enough for her. It may resort to me trying to remember how to sew! Staying asleep is not Sofie's problem, but getting to sleep peacefully can be a little challenging still, particularly at nap times. We are laying with her until she is asleep but this is still not always working well. I think we are going to see if white noise helps her. We just need to figure out something that she can't reach and that doesn't bother Livi to much. My sister suggested Melatonin which I think I'm going to try too :)

Livi is handling Sofie's issues like a pro. Each of them have there daily melt downs but I figure this is fairly neormal too. They have both been through a lot of changes. Sofie can't communicate all her frustrations well yet and Livi is a little too good at communicating sometimes :) 

This is one of the reason's we need sleep sacks for her.

She tosses and turns like you wouldn't believe and there is no hope of keeping a blanket on her.

I was really proud of Livi's "realistic" drawing! She said it was a 

car with a tail!

These first few weeks have been filled with eager visitors wanting to meet Sofie. Sofie has been handling the changes, new people and new language amazingly. She has exceeded our expectations. I had expected to shelter her a lot more than we are. I had expected to have her regress at first. I had expected more tantrums and fear from her. I didn't think I'd want people touching her and picking her up. 

Every once in a while people picking her up does make me stop and wonder if it is too soon, but I remind myself that she is three years old. A three year old wants people to play with her. We are still very diligent in being the ones to comfort her and respond when she is fussing but it is okay that she plays with other people, I think. She may have regressed a little in the food area but she has made leaps and bounds in the past few days. Yesterday she packed away more food than I ever thought she could. Her stomach was hard and protruding! Today she ate "real" rice and pesto salmon! Not pureed! I could cry I am so proud! Plus she ate it off my fork! A big fork that poked her tongue and everything! This is seriously a big milestone people :)

Sofie meeting Opa and DD!

Sofie meeting Uncle Tony!

Auntie Lisa meeting Sofie!

Tonight was also another big milestone. Sofie woke up for the first time, during the night, crying. I got to pick her up and hold her while she settled, whispering that she was safe and Mommy had her. This is something I doubt she has ever experienced. It was such a beautiful moment for me. I was then thinking how different these milestones are from having a birth child. This tiny moment around 10:30 at night holding my crying daughter was as special to me as the first time Livi took her first steps or rolled over. It was magical. 

Simple Gifts

A friend of mine made us a CD as a gift for bringing Sofie home and song caught my attention. We had just finished eating lunch. I was cleaning up the table. Both girls were playing in the living room, smiling, banging things, and being perfect children. It was a perfect simple moment with my gifts.

Simple Gifts - Jewel

Its a gift to be simple, Its a gift to be free,
Its the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
Will be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend, we will not be ashamed,
To turn, turn, will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come round right

Its a gift to be simple, Its a gift to be free,
Its a gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
Will be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend, we will not be ashamed,
To turn, turn, will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come round right
Till by turning, turning we come round right

Life

Life is good... hard, but good. I'm going to talk for a minute about the hard stuff....

Helping Daddy with the recycling.

This adoption is truly a dream come true, but it has brought with it a lot of challenges. Most of the challenges were considered and expected before hand, but it still doesn't make it easy! Jon and I had talked excessively about the possibility of Sofie having certain behavioral issues but we had hoped we'd slide by with out Livi having too many issues. For the most part Livi is doing really well but she is having some jealousy and regression. She usually wants the parent who is taking care of Sofie at the moment. She has been very defiant, overly emotional and tells us she is going to do things that are not allowed. She has showed her regression too. I don't quite understand it and am finding it so frustrating. She has been potty trained for well over a year and in the past two days she has peed her pants 3 times and partially pooped in her pants twice. 

I know Livi is in transition and her whole world has been interrupted and turned around. We didn't bring home a tiny baby who just sits there, sleeps, and eats. We brought home a walking three year old who engages with us, seeks out our attention and has her own little personality. It seems to be very different from my friends experiences. Easier in some ways but harder in others. 

Bed time at night is the worst. Each night Livi is ridiculous. She won't lay down, bangs the wall, lays down the other way, wakes up Sofie so she gets out of bed and get us to come back in the room, and has a million excuses to gets out of bed. It is so beyond frustrating. Bedtime, which used to be a 15 minute routine is now up to an hour and a half. It is so ridiculous.

Tired out from the sun :)

Sofie is doing so much better than we could have hoped for. She is still indiscriminate with who she approaches and plays with but she is coming to us for food and comfort. I don't think I've seen her go to any one else for that recently. Her eating has improved more than I could imagine. She rarely cries during meals now and she has a pretty good appetite! She is still VERY picky about what she eats and prefers sweet things. What kid doesn't, right? She eats 8 month old baby food. The 12 month stuff has chunks which she won't eat. She still hasn't drank much. We tend to get a few sips of chocolate milk, and sometimes milk, in to her each day. Yesterday her Gramma got some juice and water in!!! This is the first time she has drank water since being at the orphanage! Yay Gramma!!!

Clapping with Auntie Maggy!

Sofie  is very quiet but she is definitely discovering her voice. She has started letting people really know when she is mad... usually because we are taking her out of the bathroom. She is starting to say mama more but I'm still not sure she is associating it with us. She is cuddling with us as she goes to sleep, instead of doing her orphan rocking thing that I hate! I love cuddles with my kids and I love that Sofie is choosing to cuddle with us! She is playing with toys too, which is so awesome. She stacks rings, loves playing with necklaces and tea sets. I think she might end up being really girly. She doesn't like barrettes in her hair yet though. She just started kissing us today though! I love it! They are so cute and usually have a little tongue in there but I think that is fairly normal for her developmental level. She can wave goodbye and blow kisses to. That came from the orphanage.

Sofie still grinds her teeth and clicks her jaw but she doesn't do nearly as much as she did in the beginning! The grinding teeth is also a symptom of low muscle tone and control in her jaw, not just a coping mechanism of the orphanage. She rocks way less... I will sometime go all day with out seeing her do it. She must be feeling so much safer and dependent on us to help her cope. She doesn't need that extra coping mechanism! Hooray!

Happy girl :) Signing for food here.

Nap times still suck though. Today, she took nearly two hours to get to sleep at nap time today. But she did finally sleep! The parents of child with DS need to more stubborn than the child! She doesn't generally cry like she used to when going to sleep. She just takes for ever to settle. Surprisingly she goes to sleep much smoother at night. Livi has the issues at night. Sofie's sleep is very unsettled. She is a pretty heavy sleeper but very unsettled. She tosses and turns like you couldn't even imagine. Most days she is ending up on the floor. She usually falls off feet first and doesn't hurt herself, but sometimes it is head first... I think we should probably set up the crib. I feel kind of bad for Sofie because in the orphanage she wasn't allowed to explore her world and never got hurt. In the first few weeks she has been with us she's gotten a few bumps on the head, a scraped knee, and a few good scratches on her arm! I think it is good for her though :)

We took her to see a fabulous pediatrician who looked her over and is making some referrals for us. The appointment will cost us over $200 because we don't have Sofie's citizenship card yet and can't get her Care Card with out it! I hope it comes fast. The pediatrician said she does have a murmur in her heart that we'll check out and wants to get a baseline for a bunch of things but over all she is doing well. Of course she is under weight and he thought what we were doing was fine. Basically get anything we can in to her, no matter what it is. She is 20lbs. That is in the 5th percentile of the DS growth chart and up half a pound since we got her, assuming the scales were both accurate. If I remember right she is 32 inches tall, which puts her under the 25th percentile for height. We also met with the Child Development Center this week. Sofie will get Physiotherapy, Occupational therapy and Speech Therapy! Yay! The CDC was really great too! Sofie is definitely getting a good start!

Riding on Daddy! Way to much fun!

Being goofs.

Bedtime story!

As far as parenting, I think I'm really starting to feel attached and like Sofie's mom. I love her completely, although it is still easier to love her in her easy, happy times. I think that is true with any child though :) It seems to be growing more slowly than with Livi though. I don't quite remember how things progressed with Livi. I remember not feeling it right away like Jon but I don't know exactly when I was fully attached. With Sofie, I think I'm so much more aware of the process and analyzing all my feelings. Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

With Livi, I was the main caregiver, I was her food and usually her comfort. I spent 24/7 with her. I didn't have the freedom to go out for more than an hour with out her. I felt like I was the only one who knew what she wanted and needed and when. With Sofie, Jon is home full time until December (yay for government jobs and topping up EI!). I'm not the only one who can feed and comfort Sofie. He is very much in the exact same role as me here. I love this experience, but it is so different. I feel like I should feel guilty if I leave Sofie at home and take Livi grocery shopping, but I don't. I enjoy grocery shopping sometimes and am loving the one on one time with my first daughter. Is this normal? I think it probably is.

Goodbye Bulgaria!

We leave today! Thank God! All three of us get to go home together! I thought I would put together a Likes and Dislikes list to commemorate our goodbye....

Things I Like about my time in Bulgaria:

1. The history!
2. The random Roman artifacts laying around the city.
3. The buildings and architecture!
4. The driving... it is so fast. I believe I was born to drive in Europe, Canada can't handle me.
5. The luxury for cheap!
6. Cheap Taxis.
7. Cheap alcohol. 
8. The hospitality of people.
9. The shoes! 
10. The fashions, particularly jumpers.
11. The weather has been awesome! 
12. Most people here speak a little bit of English! It makes it a lot easier on us English-only speakers!

Things I Dislike about my time in Bulgaria:

1. The standard of waiting tables. Horrible. They don't check on you. They don't bring your bill. They take forever. Food comes out at different times!
2. The uneven and un-kept sidewalks.
3. Graffiti everywhere. 
4. How the poor are soooo poor. That sounds weird. But it is true. The homeless in Vancouver are poor but there are things in place to help them and make sure they get food and sometimes shelter. The poor here don't have any safe guards. They wanted our left over food. A Vancouver homeless person would never do that. This is a big place that Bulgaria could step up. 
5. The food. Some of it tastes quite delicious but it is so different. I have not had a normal bowel movement since I've been here... both extremes.
6. The orphanage system. My views on this are obviously apparent already. 
7. How EVERYONE chain smokes here. Seriously, how are they all not dying of cancer?
8. The lack of recycling and water conservation. One of their main exports is mineral water and everyone drinks it here so there is SO much glass and plastic bottles wasted!
9. How this is a very child-unfriendly country. Not much for little kids to do, no kids menus or crayons in restaurants, and I only saw a handful of local kids at all! 

Being here with Sofie really was the right choice. Her having our undivided attention has been pretty invaluable. I think it will really go a long way on this attachment journey. She has come so far this week with us too! She already understands the signs for 'more', 'all done' and 'food'. She cries WAY less while eating, mainly because we aren't force feeding her and she is now able go communicate when she wants more or she is all done! She will still go to random people but she definitely recognizes Jon and I and will choose who she wants to hold her and when. She loves tickles and getting a reaction from us when she rolls herself off the bed and we run to catch her. She LOVES baths... to much. I swear she said "mama" in the bath today too! Not sure she completely understands what it means though. She loves music, dancing and interacting with people. I am so beyond excited to get home to where I am comfortable and where I can be with BOTH of my girls but I have really appreciated what I have learned and experienced while in Bulgaria. I am so thankful to this country for giving us such a precious, wonderful child!

We are off now! Pray for an uneventful trip, with no tantrums from Mommy, Daddy or Sofie and pray that Sofie eats well and we have enough cereal for her to last the trip... it will be cutting it close!

PS - My sister is going through a hard time today. The girl she works for got really sick all of the sudden, was put on life support and has chosen to be taken off today. She's had many medical issues throughout her life and was tired. It doesn't look like she will make it. She is very young and very loved by many. Pray for peace for everyone. It will be a day of extreme's for Sessa... meeting her niece tonight, after possibly losing one of her dear friends the same day.

7 Years - Aug 8

Today is Jon and mine's 7 year wedding anniversary! It is so weird to think that I am old enough to have been married for 7 years. It might as well be 30! Okay, maybe not. But I feel pretty blessed to have been able to spend 7 years with such a wonderful man! No "itch" yet ;)

10 Things I Love About Jon and Our Marriage:

1. I love that we are so different. I know this probably falls under "things I hate about our marriage" but being so different balances us.
2. I love the Sex... Yup, I just said it :)
3. I love Jon's hugs.
4. I love how much I have learned from Jon and continue learning.
5. I love how we are both COMPLETELY on the same page when it comes to raising our kids and expanding our family.
6. I love how geeky he is... but don't tell him that!
7. I love how trust worthy Jon is as a husband and man.
8. I love how giving he is. Not just to the needy or charities, but he doesn't take stock of who gives or does more with any of his relationships and is always willing to go the extra mile for those he loves.
9. I love how well he listens. I don't mean in a taking orders kind of way, but in a really hearing what I have to say kind of way. (When it counts anyway.... 7 years does plug the ears a little sometimes!)
10. Most of all, I love how he loves me so completely. I don't always quite understand him, or get where he is coming from but I know that no matter what is going on, he loves me and I am blessed.

So, today was a little bit of a different kind of anniversary than if we had been at home in Canada. We didn't get to go out alone to celebrate each other making it 7 years with the other one. We had Sofie of course! Honestly, we barely remembered that it was our anniversary. We are kind of running on empty over here but we are okay. We have really been there for each other through this whole past week and barely even snapped at each other... which tends to happen when we are tired and stressed. We are trying to be there for Sofie and give her all that she needs from us. We are taking turns when we need them and figuring each others cues out before we need to even ask. I'm amazed how well we are handling things actually. To top off the stress, I am still sick. Last night was the worst. My whole body was heaving but there was nothing left to get out of me. Not a pleasant feeling. During the day I seem to be able to cope though. I happened to find a English speaking pharmacist who gave me some pills. Not sure what I'm taking but I'm not in the bathroom every 20 minutes tonight :)

Sofie is an angel. She is quite possibly the easiest three year old to take care of or parent that I have ever met... except when it is time to eat or drink or go to bed. She is definitely displaying some 'being from an institution' behavior and sensory issues. She rocks on her back when she is bored... but surprisingly not when she is trying to go to sleep. She cries through out every meal. We bought some baby food and pablum that we are mixing with the formula we bought. She has been eating well but cries on and off through out it. She doesn't like things in her mouth although we are starting to see her exploring with that a little. Today she actually had her toes in her mouth and has been putting the rubber teether brush in there a lot too! She won't drink. We have been watering down a lot of the food and sneaking the liquid in that way but it's been a struggle. We bought two different kinds of sippy cups, have tried numerous adult cups and water bottles. She refuses to entertain the idea of a straw of bottle nipple in her mouth too. Bed time tonight sucked. She cried on and off for an hour and a half. Not just crying either... she tantrummed. If she falls asleep on us in our sling, bed time is not an issue. But if she is not ready for the sling or bed it is an ordeal. I'm hoping this gets better quickly at home. She needs a routine I think.

Otherwise, today was a good day! We went to the St. Sofia church. The oldest church in Sofia. It was really neat to see. Sofie was doing really well this morning so we ventured off to the Ladies Market, which was mostly a lot of fruits and veggies and knock off clothing. Sofie fell asleep in the sling while we were walking and slept for about an hour. First nap since the first day! Yay! We walked back and passed lots of interesting tourist spots...

The stone that sealed the entrance the the 4th Century crypt 

beneath the St. Sofia Church.

 

 Inside the St. Sofia. The bricks date back to the 6th century

 The old Turkish baths. The building is being restored now.

 Mineral springs. People line up for hours some days to fill their jugs up! 

We thought we'd get a refreshing drink but the water was really hot!

 Changing of the Guards at the Presidency. 

I missed the shot of them high marching.

We stayed in our hotel room during the really hot part of the day and went out again for our Anniversary dinner! The first meal I'd eaten all day because of the sickness the night before! It was delicious! We ended the day with a bath and showers for Mommy and Daddy before our epic night routine. Then Jon treated us to a room service snack and dessert while watching Paris Hilton's BFF on TV. It was the only English show on besides financial news! All in all, a pretty memorable 7th anniversary! Looking forward to 70 more!

Hanging out on a 20 century old pillar!

Happy Anniversary Mommy and Daddy!

Getting to Know You - Aug 5-7

These last few days have been up and down for us out here. Jon and I are definitely feeling homesick and missing Livi.... a lot. 

Our first night with Sofie was not too bad. She slept the whole night through but she tossed and turned like crazy. We are still unsure if this is normal for her or if this is just because it was her first night in a different bed. She woke up around 7 am... not too bad :) She didn't eat well that first day for us so we decided to head out to a mall and see if we could find some baby food. She fell asleep around 10am in my sling while we were walking around so we decided to walk over to our agency to say hi and sign some papers. 

Sofie surprised us here by eating a Bulgarian cookie and fist fulls of those Gerber puffs. This was the first time we'd seen her eating by herself and with out crying! She found her appetite after that. At Anido we got Sofie's birth certificate with us listed as her parents and the adoption order! We also got some that the Canadian embassy in Bucharest was not responding to our Anido's calls or emails. Jon tried and got no answer but they responded by email to him later that night saying they were missing the Letter of No Objection from the BC government with a note on the bottom saying that it takes 3 weeks to process these applications. I was trying to stay calm but I was freaking out inside. We figured out that the Notification of Agreement is used in place of the No Objection letter. We respectfully reminded them of that fact and asked them to double check their documents. We also sent emails to our Canadian agency wanting to confirm that they have the document. Both my contacts are on vacation and no one responded to my emails. I was not impressed. My sister called them for me and they called her back with an update. Why didn't they email me at the same time? Really not impressed. Anyway, the Embassy should have the document so it looks like it is just an oversight with them. We have to wait until Monday to find out. Anido is pretty confident that this will all be worked out by August 12th for us to return home on August 14th but we are still feeling rather nervous. 

Sofie with our Anido contact, Alex.

After visiting the office Sofie fell asleep in my sling walking home and then slept for 3 hours! We ventured out for dinner that evening but otherwise kept a low profile. Sofie ate great this day! She is needing to improve her drinking now though. I'm trying not to get concerned but there are only so many ways you can try to give a kid water.

Saturday morning we slept in and hung around the hotel room for the morning. It was really nice and relaxing for Jon and I. Sofie discovered the mirrors in our front entry ad played there for about an hour! We found a really great little cafe just behind the hotel that has some more North American types of food. I was very thankful for this. I'm getting really tired of greasy cheese on EVERYTHING. After brunch at the cafe we tried to get Sofie down for a nap.... that didn't happen. She was a little fussy for the rest of the day too, probably because she was over tired. I felt bad when Sofie was really fussy during our Skyping time with Livi. I think Livi was a little confused. Cue mother's guilt! Bed time was not much better either. Sofie has definitely discovered her appetite but we hadn't quite realized it yet and after about 20 minutes Sofie crying while we were trying to put her to sleep, Jon suggested we try to feed her. Well, she ate a bucket of baby cereal and fruit! I felt bad again. So, apparently mother's guilt is a lot worse with two kids in the picture! We finally got her to sleep after that.

With all the fussiness that day, missing Livi and just being really tired of being in another country, I was feeling a little depressed. I had a good cry which helped but still didn't make me miss home and Livi any less. I think the stress of this whole embassy thing has heightened our anxiety a little. We are coping, but a little prayer for our emotions and of course the paper work would be appreciated!

Discovering herself in the mirror!

"ooooo, Who's that pretty girl?"

Feeding herself puffs!

Smiles for Daddy :)

Flexible as only a child with DS can be!

Almost bed time!

Today, Sunday, has been a little rough too. Sofie is quite fussy again.  We had planned on doing some sight seeing and local shopping but she not been wanting to be in the sling. We did make it to the St. George Rotunda, oldest standing building in Sofia dating to the 4th century and an Orthodox church where we got to see part of an infant baptism. We went to the mall instead to buy some smaller clothes for Sofie because all the 18 month stuff us swimming on her, more baby food and look for a cheap little umbrella stroller. The cheapest stroller we could find is about $75 Canadian. I guess cheap strollers aren't worth it out here with the difficult side walks.

St. George Rotunda

All the brick work is original and dates back to the 4th Century.

It became a church in the 6th Century and a Necropolis later on. 

Nap time didn't go over so well today either. She cried on and off for an hour and half. All three of us are having a bit of a rough go of it. Sofie is a little constipated but some little pebbles did come out today, after more tears. She was fed but wouldn't sleep no matter what we tried. Maybe she didn't sleep during nap time in the orphanage. I kind of doubt this because she sure looks tired. I feel kind of helpless. She still isn't drinking either. We are watering down all her food to try and get some liquids in her. 

We've stayed in the hotel room this afternoon to try too contain the stimulation a bit for her. She is doing well other than the lack of sleeping, drinking, and pooping :) She gives us lots of giggles! She is really starting to understand the signs for 'more' and 'all done' and uses them correctly when it suits her :) She does throw a few tantrums but it is not any different from any other one year old... which is where I think she is basically is developmentally. She has been coming to us for comfort and even came to me today specifically to play and laugh with! She does do some self stimulating rocking thing on her back. It looks like it is a symptom for being bored at the institution. I'm not sure whether I should let her do this or stop it each time. It kind of depends on how I have been feeling, whether I let it go or not. All in all, we are really enjoying her, we just want to be at home in our own space, with both of our kids.

Thank You.

Before I get to crazy and overwhelmed with all the last minute preparations I wanted to take a minute and publicly thank the people who have walked down this path with us and supported us in their own personal ways... (This is mostly my thank-you's since it is my blog. Jon will need to make his own thank-you's himself.)

First and foremost, I owe every possible thank-you I have to my mom. She is a real life Super Hero. Honestly. She had the strength to restart her life with 4 young kids. She went back to school and started a new career while being a single mom. She made the decision to bring Maggy in to our home, and introduced us fully in to the amazing world of the differently abled. She understands me, listens to me, gives me great advice, has faith in me, wants the best and has sacrificed so much for me. I could go on and on. Marmee, Thank-you from the bottom of my heart. You are the most amazing mother anyone could ever hope for. Thank-you for always supporting me and guiding me. Thank-you for going above and beyond for us and with us on this adoption journey.

Maggy- Thank-you for being you. You have been a quiet listening ear and always been available for a hug. Thank-you for being my sister and loving me unconditionally. Thank-you for lighting the spark in me to bring your niece home and for introducing me to the wonderful world of Down Syndrome!

Grandpa and Grandma - Thank-you for praying for me and supporting me through out the years in all the numerous ways that you have. I am so thankful to be lucky enough to have such a close relationship with you and hope that my kids get to experience that with their Grandmothers. You have given me such a good example and I have been incredibly inspired by the acceptance, love and generosity that you have given to me. Grandma, I can only hope to be as Godly a woman as you are one day. Thank you for your prayers and dreams. Grandpa, you have been the strong, quite leader that I needed in my life. As your health continues to deteriorate I am so humbled that you continue to think of us and ask about Sofie every time I see you, with out fail.

Vanessa and Liz - Thank you for your happiness and being so willing to help out whenever you can. Thank you for your humor and keeping me laughing through out this long and stressful wait.

Alana, Danielle, Mary, Michelle, and all my other girlfriends - Thank you for being a listening ear. Thanks for always asking about the adoption and talking about it with me. Thanks for celebrating the milestones with me and letting me vent my frustrations with the wait and bumps in the road. Thank you also for the play dates that kept me focused on being present and not stressing too much about this whole process!

Mom B - Thank you for raising such a wonderful son. I could not be as happy as I am with out him. Thank you also for all your support through this adoption. I know this is a bit of a new world we are bringing you in to. Your willingness to learn, acceptance and openness to this new world is beautiful. Thank you for your excitement too.

Lisa and Tony - Thank you for all your facebook comments! I think one of you have commented on every single one of my adoption related statuses. Thank you for being such wonderful supports from so far away! Thank you for being such an amazing aunt and uncle. Even though Livi doesn't see you much she talks about you all the time. I know it is going to be the same with Sofie!

Keno Family - I owe so much thanks to you... I don't think I can adequately put in to words my gratitude. You play such a special role for us in adopting Sofie. You introduced Jon in to your community and to people with different abilities. You prepared him for my world. You led the way and adopted a son, with DS, from Bulgaria before us! You answered my hundreds of questions about this process. It was also you who sent us that email about a little girl the same age as Livi who needed a family. It was that email that got us thinking it was time to adopt. That email changed our entire lives for the better. Like I said, I can't adequately thank you for that.

Thank you to those who have adopted before me, given me advice and encouragement, and set a good example for me. Grandpa and Grandma, Emily, Mary Ellen, Daena...

Thank you also to all of you who have financially supported us. This is a very expensive endeavor and you have helped to alleviate a huge burden.

Thank you also to everyone who has been following this journey on the blog or Facebook. I love receiving all your comments and "likes"! It means so much to me!

Finally, I want to thank Livi for making parenting so enjoyable! And thank you to my husband. I love you. Thank you for being my partner. For being so patient, kind, giving, level headed, strong, understanding, etc... I could go on and on. I love how perfectly matched we are in some ways and how different we are in most! You challenge me and make me a better person. Thank you for wanting the same things for our family as I do and for being such an amazing Dad. We have been through so much over the last 10 years and I can't wait to see what the next 10 bring for us!!!

Reactions

I've been putting off writing this post because I think it is going to come across ungrateful and bitchy. But oh well, I wrote it. An apology in advance...

We didn't really expect too many bad reactions when we first announced our intentions to adopt Sofie. Honestly, it didn't really cross my mind at first. Adopting a child with special needs/abilities was always in the plans... we kind of assumed everyone else knew that too and was supportive of it. Most people know what kind of community I come from.

When we first told our close family members and friends this adoption was going to happen now, we got a lot of apprehensive support. There were no out right negative responses. Some where just quiet and tentative. Most asked questions. I liked the questions more because at least I knew a bit of what they were thinking. Their questions seemed to be wanting assurance that we knew what we were getting ourselves in to. We were just coming out of our "year of hell", so I think people were worried we weren't ready to jump in to anything so big yet. If they were apprehensive at first they all came around quickly and are so excited with us!

I get frustrated with the reactions from strangers and acquaintances more. We haven't received any outright negative comments, just ignorant ones. Depending on the day and my mood I can brush it off, laugh, or try to have a conversation about it, but sometimes it really gets to me.

The worst comment we've received to date was from a semi-distant relative. Thankfully she isn't technically a close family member but we still were hoping for a better response. When we mentioned we were going to be getting a second child her entire face and posture lit up. She was so excited when she thought we were pregnant. We continued and told her we were adopting a little girl with DS. Her whole expression dropped and she just said "Oh, I could never do that." There was disdain in her voice. She never said congratulations either. I was SO mad. We left shortly after and since she lives far away, we haven't had to see her either :)

Some of the easier comments to take have made me laugh and usually come from the person not filtering and just saying the first thing that comes to their head. I can appreciate this approach at a personal level :) A friends mom's response was a confused look over to Livi asking "But, isn't Livi yours?" I responded with a laugh saying "Yes, and Sofie will be ours too." She immediately realized how silly that sounded. Another complete stranger outright asked my mom, who was telling her about Sofie, if we were infertile. It was her first thought, but kind of weird to ask a stranger that. An uncle said "Isn't sex cheaper?" This was my favorite :) Yes, sex is a lot cheaper!

Usually people don't know what to say and are silent when I tell them about Sofie. I can handle that too. It annoys me but I can just ignore it. I get that it is out of the norm. I just wish it wasn't. What really irks me though is when people say "good for you!" I understand it is well meaning but what am I supposed to say to that? .... "Yes, it is really good of me. I'm an incredible person."

I don't think adoption is something to say "good for you" too. What does that even mean? Are they saying good for adopting? Or is it the fact that I'm adopting a child with special needs? Why can't people just celebrate it? Why can't the be excited and congratulatory like they would if I were pregnant? We are not doing this for recognition, or because we think we are better parents or people than anyone else. This is just a not-so-different way of expanding our family. Why do people treat it so differently? Doesn't everyone know people that are adopted? Is this really such a taboo thing? If it is, it damn well shouldn't be! I wish people could get more educated!

Why do people assume that adoption is for families who are infertile too? I just don't get it. Maybe that is my ignorance. My grandparents were not infertile when they adopted either so it is kind of out of my frame of reference. I heard a stat once that if every Christian family were to adopt one orphan there would be no orphans left in the world. Hmmmm... kind of makes you think doesn't it? Isn't there something repeated over and over and over in the Bible about helping the widows and orphans? Just saying...

The best reactions we've got are from people who have adopted already. I've gotten beaming smiles, congratulatory emails, hugs, and even tears :) They are the ones who truly understand and I am so appreciative of those people in my life who have adopted before us and can be an extra special support to us through this incredible journey. It really isn't as scary as society believes it to be. Yes, it is a roller coaster, but, oh my God the reward is going to be SO worth it!

World Down Syndrome Day!

World Down Syndrome Day is celebrated on the 21st day of the 3rd month each year to signify triplication of the 21st chromosome. It is a day to raise awareness for what Down Syndrome is, is not, and how people with Down Syndrome play an important role in our lives and communities.

I was welcomed in to the life of Maggy when I was 16 years old. She, who has Down Syndrome, came to live with us because her parents had passed away and her sister didn't want her unless she could get paid to keep her. She was just shy of 250lbs and 4'6 tall. She threw tantrums to get what she wanted and her quality of life was diminishing. She wasn't valued and dealt with that by overeating and throwing tantrums. Her original doctor even told us that she didn't have any other pleasures in her life so we should continue to let her eat whatever she wanted... We switched doctors.

It didn't take long for Maggy to love and trust us all. Because of her our family was changed for the better. Maggy lost 150lbs and stopped throwing tantrums. I believe that our family was saved by Maggy. All us kids were in the midst of our angry teenage years and Maggy taught us too focus on something other and bigger than ourselves. For example, even though my brother wouldn't talk to anyone, he would go and tuck Maggy in to say goodnight each night. That eventually led to him talking to us again. I know I've told that story before but it was a huge turning point for all of us. Maggy was and still is a un-judging shoulder to cry on and listening ear for all of us. She is still the worlds best hugger :) In every sense of the word that matters Maggy is my sister and I love her with all my heart!

I always knew I wanted to include a people with Down Syndrome in the family that I grow as well and I was blessed enough to get a husband who wanted the same thing! We didn't know exactly how that would come about until I proposed adopting a little girl to Jon last January. It was not a big debate. It wasn't a question of whether we should adopt who we now know is Sofie, but how we were going to make it happen.

I am literally filled with bubbles of anticipation for Sofie to come home. I can't imagine how much she is going to bless our family and I can't wait to find out! I think next years World Down Syndrome Day is going to be a very different personal feel for me :)

Down Syndrome is not a disease. People with DS do not suffer from it.

It is genetic, just as brown hair and blue eyes. It is there at conception. 

People with DS are someones child, grand-child, sibling, co-worker, friend, lover, even parent.

People with DS can contribute to society just like any other person can.

Please do not think of people with Down Syndrome in terms of what they can't do...

Only look at them in terms of what they can do. 

They should not be underestimated or under valued.

They are human, just like you.

Updates

1. I got word yesterday that our agency got our official proposal for Sofie and it is in the mail! We should get it tomorrow!!! This is a huge step forward and it actually came earlier than expected! I was told that it would that the MOJ and Hague Convention 2-3 months to get the proposal to us... we got it within a month of Bulgaria receiving our request! Just two months after we mailed it off! We should receive the original documents in the mail before the end of the week too sign and officially accept Sofie. The next step is waiting for our court date!
2. Last weekend my sisters, bro-in-law, Jon and I did some much needed yard work in our/our mom's yard. It isn't completely done yet but we got all the big stuff done. We cut a bunch of over grown branches off our blue spruce in the front yard, trimmed back some juniper bushes that hadn't been touched in years, and pulled out four overgrown junipers from the front yard. We got all this done in the rain too! It looks like a big mud pit right now but there is now some potential! It is a great start for me to get it looking nice this spring and summer with Livi (and Sofie!) running around and exploring our huge yard!
3. Jon let his bosses know that he is interested in a advanced position. A position hasn't been posted yet but there was a notice sent out wondering who would be interested. This would mean a raise and the opportunity to do some teaching in the field of community living! It would be pretty perfect and is the next logical step up the ladder! Governments never move quickly but we are hoping that something comes of this!
4. We got to enjoy some good friends that we haven't seen in almost two years over for supper last night! We got to reminisce over our college years which was a lot of fun but made me feel really old!
5. My best friend in Winnipeg had a little baby boy on Sunday. I am so excited for her! Little Toby came in to the world almost 7 weeks early but he is doing so well! He is going to be such a little blessing. I really wish I could go out there to meet him... one day I will, if we ever have money again :)
6. My Lent has been going really well. I started reading my Henri Nouwen book and am allowing myself to start speak more freely about prayer... something I am not comfortable with. I have been doing really well on the self-denial part. To be honest, I didn't think I'd make it this far without sugar but it has been easier than I thought. I thought the beginning would be the most difficult part but I think I was wrong. I haven't had any sugary foods except for eating what I thought was a healthy nutty, berry granola bar on day 1, only to realize later that sugar was the number 4 ingredient. I haven't made that same mistake and have been fine with out it! I definitely have had my evening cravings but I just think of Sofie and what she is all going without! I've also been focusing, this week, on what God has done for me in my life. I am so blessed. No red meat and poultry has been a little more difficult than I thought. Funny how I thought the sugar would be harder than the meat. I just really need to plan all my meals better so I have all the protein I need and don't get shaky and eat something crappy. That seems to be when I crave the sugar most too. 8 days in to Lent so far! I'll expand on this more further in to lent I think. 
7. Livi used the big toilet tonight without having to use a stool to step up on. I haven't measured her in a few months but she must have grown! She is taking pride in how big she is too, saying things like "I'm growing up so big like Mommy!" or "I am big, just like Daddy! Right?" I love my little weirdo :)

Lent

Ash Wednesday is tomorrow. This marks the beginning of Lent. Being Mennonite I have never really observed this season. In college I played at observing it a few times. I gave up soda, but not all sugary drinks, or Bailey's but not all alcohol, or I chose the practice of having Sunday's off from the self-denial. It was very one tiered too. I did not participate in the prayer, penitence and alms-giving tiers of the Lent season. Only my pseudo-attempt at self-denial.

Co-Suffering/Self-denial
This year I feel like I need to refocus. I want to do this Lent thing right and I really want to get something out of observing Lent this year. I want to remember and explore what Jesus has done for me. I want to experience some real self-denial and co-suffering. I'm not thinking that giving up some type of food or entertainment is, in any way, going to let me experience the type of suffering that Jesus has endured. But, being as self-gratifying and undisciplined as I am, I think that this will be a really good learning experience for me. In thinking about co-suffering, Sofie is close in my thoughts here too. She does not know how much she really is suffering. She is malnourished. At only 6 inches shorter than Livi, she is nearly half her weight at 18lbs. I am her mother and I think it is quite fitting for some co-suffering to take place.

Prayer
Prayer has been a lost practice in my life. In recent years, I have openly said that I do not pray. I do not think that this is entirely true anymore. I think the prayer has been very bastardized by the church for me and I didn't know what true prayer was. I believe that I always was praying, just not in the Evangelical sense of the word. I think I was practicing it more in the sense of worship and experiencing God through life in general. Don't get me wrong, I think that there is more to prayer than this and that is what I am hoping to explore through this Lent. How will prayer take more of a role in my life and how am I going to model that for Livi? I want to explore prayer as spontaneous utterances, not just self-serving as I have been taught. I want to find or develop a creedal statement for myself. I want to explore old hymns that I had once loved so much.

Penitence
I think I'm generally good at acknowledging my sins but find the reconciliation part to be a little difficult, especially in areas where I feel righteous. I think that there is great potential for this part of Lent to really surprise and change me. I'm not sure how exactly I'm going to explore this but I think through the self-denial and prayer my journey may reveal some much needed penance that I was unaware of.

Alms-giving
The last important part of Lent is Alms-giving. Because of the adoption, we don't really have any "alms" to give but I do have some paper work and creating for Chosen Children that I have greatly been procrastinating. This is my time to get it done. I want to take a few hours each week to sit down and accomplish and create what I feel so passionately about.

What is this Lent going to look like for me?
For self-denial: I'm going to give up red meat and poultry. I going to still allow myself to have seafood since being the cook in the family I think my husband might shoot me if I didn't at least make that. Just giving up meat would be an "easy" choice for Lent since I've been heading that way in recent months anyway. The other thought that kept popping in to my head was to give up sugar. This will be difficult for me. I debated about even telling anyone because then I have to be accountable, but I guess accountability is a good thing, right? I'm not going to be so stringent against sugar that I can't eat bread if it has a bit of sugar in it, but I'm going to try to not eat any explicatively sugary foods and not add any sugar to my teas or oatmeal. I'm going to still allow myself fruit of course and probably a bit of honey every once in a while too. I'm not sure that I'm going to perfectly succeed in denying myself sugar but I want to give it a shot!

For prayer: I want to do some reading and meditation. I'm not much for reading but there is a Henri Nouwen book I have been wanting to read. I'm also hoping that some of you guys can help me with this part. Are there any prayers, blessings, versus, creeds, songs, etc... that you would like to share with me through out this season? You could email or facebook me them. Let me know some practices that you do! I would really appreciate it!

I already said that I don't know what to do or expect for the penance part but I'm excited to see what I learn about this aspect through my self-denial and prayer. And as for alms-giving I plan to give my time and get a lot of the Chosen Children stuff done that I've been procrastinating. I do not plan too take Sundays off from Lent either. I think I would just binge on those days and it kind of defeats the idea of cleansing too. So, wish me luck!

Before Sofie

We've been asked a few times what drew us to adoption, specifically adopting a chromosomally enhanced child. I'm not entirely sure where to start so I guess I'll just talk about our back grounds and experiences with the amazing world of differently abled people...

My mom said I was volunteering in the special eduction classroom as early as grade 1 and continued to help out were I could through out school. My real immersion began when my mom began working for Chilliwack Society  for Community Living when I was 13. We would get to hang out with the people she was serving often. When I was 17 my sister Maggy came in to my life. I've said it before... She saved our family. She came to us during our angry, tumultuous teenage years but she was the unifying presence in our family. We would all drop everything to stand up for her. She gave so much love, silent understanding, and a constant ear to listen or lap to cuddle in. After high school I continued volunteering occasionally and began working professionally for people with special needs after I was married. I worked independently for a few micro-boards and Jon and I began doing respite in our home on some weekends. When I had had enough of waitressing I started working for an agency in a group home. I loved the clients there and they taught me so much. I ended up switching agencies after a year or two and also took a job working as an Education Assistant in the high school with kids needing extra support. I continued working part time in a group home after Livi was born but because of funding cuts, I was laid off a few months earlier than planned. I'm not sure if I'm going to go back in to the field after Sofie settles in to our family, but I guess we will see what life brings!

Jon's experience didn't start until much later than mine. As a teenager, the Kenos were a part of his church and had adopted a son with Down Syndrome. Jon loved that kid and Brent was his first introduction in to the world of extra chromosomes. The summer Jon was 19, he had just been laid off from his job from the book store. John Keno asked him if he wanted to volunteer at a camp for the summer. Since Jon had no other plans and, being in Port Alberni, little hope of finding any paying job, he agreed to go. This was, quite possibly, one of the most changing experiences of his life. That summer was stressful, amazing, exhausting and fulfilling all at the same time. Jon worked with adults and children with all sorts of different abilities and needs, and came away feeling like he had got more out of the experience than he had contributed. Since then Jon has had a passion for people with various special needs, and now works for Community Living BC, organizing and contracting for service to people with Developmental Disabilities. He has also worked as a life skills worker for a teenager with Autism, and recently taught him to drive!

I remember the first time Jon met my family, I was amazed at how comfortable he was with Maggy. Any other guys that had met her were always quite awkward and stiff. They didn't know how to talk to her. Jon was completely different. He shook her hand just as he had my mother's. He bent down, matching her eye level and talked to her as the adult she was. This caught my mom's attention. She knew he was a keeper before I did!

Neither of us remember when we first started talking about adoption. It was always just understood that we both wanted it, like we both wanted a birth child. We also knew that we would love to adopt a child with special needs. I think we were made for each other in that respect. We are both so blessed to be so completely in sync when it comes to our family.

Although we both knew we wanted to adopt in our future, we did not plan on adopting this early on in our lives together. We had thought that we would have two or three birth children and then look in to adoption down the road. January I received an email from the Kenos, forwarded from their adoption agency about a little one year old girl from the Phillipines needing a home. Although that child did not have Down Syndrome, this got me thinking about how perfectly a little girl, the same age as Livi, would fit in to our family. I think I sat on the idea for a day before mentioning it to Jon. Particularly with the 18 months we had just come out of, I expected him to throw out the notion as one of my crazy, rash ideas... but he didn't. He stopped and looked at me, nodded slightly, and said "that could be kind of perfect." My heart skipped a beat. This was going to happen! Our dream of adopting a child with an extra chromosome was going to come true!

There was still many conversations to have and research to do. Adopting earlier than planned meant re-evaluating our finances and putting off any thoughts of another birth child a little longer. We decided to move to save money, be closer to family for support and have a yard for our girls. I'm not sure if God plans details of our lives or not, but if He does, this road for our family was definitely ordained. I need to remember this during the uncontrollable, difficult times of this adoption process.

I'm finding right now to be the most difficult time. We know who she is. I dream about her little face and holding her in arms but so much could still go wrong that I find myself distancing myself emotionally at times. What if she isn't approved for us to adopt? What if there are paper's lost or new hoops to jump through? What if something terrible happens to her before we can get to her and protect her? What if this takes much longer than we are expecting? I feel so close but so helpless to take the next step. I want to talk about our adoption and Sofie, but sometimes get frustrated with questions because I have no new information. Everything just seems still so uncertain and out of my control. I just want her home.