Sunday, September 4, 2011

A Rough Day

Today was rough. Sofie hasn't napped in three days. I know some people might think that maybe she doesn't need to nap. She is three after all. Many three year old's have given up there naps. As her mother, I truly do not believe this is the case. If we can't figure this out, it may turn out to be the case, but in my gut I feel like she still needs naps. When she misses her naps she is tired, grumpy, hits and pulls hair more, has more melt downs and bigger food issues. She needs a nap. Quiet time isn't cutting it.

I had a melt down today too. Up until these last two days, I'd been doing really well. I think I have still been on the adrenaline of bringing Sofie home. I remember that same adrenaline when I had Livi. I felt like I could do anything. I had Livi on Thursday and I think it was Tuesday that we went out for the day, my house was clean and I wanted to show off my baby! The feeling hasn't been quite so drastic this second time around but it has lasted longer. I'm at week three today of having Sofie home and only now having my first melt down. I think with Livi it was within the first week.

There is such a thing as post-adoption depression, like postpartum depression. I don't think I am there. I think I am just entering the 'blues' stage. Like baby blues. I remember crying almost every day for a few months with Livi. I don't feel like that is going to happen with Sofie. I had a lot of other stuff going on when Livi was born. I am just adjusting, just like everyone else in my family.

Jon was trying to be sweet and supportive but he had had it with the kids today too. I think I handle it better when only one of us is at the end of our rope, but today we both were. He suggested I go out with a friend or my sisters tomorrow but I honestly don't have enough energy to go out. I wouldn't be relaxed. I would just be thinking of all the things at home that I should be doing or cleaning. I know he was trying to help. This is my issue right now. I feel like once I get the house clean again and things more organized then I can handle it all, but the reality is setting in that my house will never be clean! I'm living in a basement suite with a sub-standard kitchen and unless we want to invest some serious money, things will never be as organized as I want them. There will always be splatters of who-knows-what on various perplexing spots around the house and I will continually step on things that are lying in the floor. I know I'm exaggerating things but this is my reality right now. I'm trying to tell myself that this will pass but tonight it doesn't feel like it!

I don't like feeling this way though. I yelled at both my kids today... surprisingly it didn't seem to phase either of them. Livi had been defiant as usual and Sofie was trying to throw poo at me for the second time today. It was not my finest hour. I don't know exactly what needs to change in my thinking to handle this better. Sleep will help. What if Sofie never naps? I'll be alone in December and need to figure it out for myself. Losing control and yelling  in frustration or anger scares me. I can't let myself go down that road. I know where that road leads and I will die before letting my kids experience any part of that. It is in me though. I think that is why it scares me so much. I will be better tomorrow. I know I will. I just need sleep.

4 comments:

Louise Chapman said...

I'm sorry you are feeling this way! I think anytime that you go from one kid to two, there will be these feelings of being overwhelmed, exhausted etc. I find when I'm in my house a lot, I notice all the dirt and mess. It helps to get out and maybe let your kids mess up someone else's house:)
I hope you find a way for Sofie to nap because I know what you mean, a well rested kid is a whole lot easier to deal with!

Anonymous said...

Ugh. I hate those days. I would take Jon's advice...even if it's for an hour...run with it. Even if you bring a book and sit at the coffee shop for a bit on your own...trust me, the more kids one gets, the more wise one gets, lol!!!! Take care, and if you need anything...CALL. (Or if you want to go out tonight, CALL!!! :)
Michelle P.

Vinnie's Warriors said...

You don't live in the NW, do you? If you lived close, I could come play with your kids and lock you in your room with some white noise and strict orders for a nap/quiet time.

Anonymous said...

I agree, you definitely have to take some time away. Find something for YOU to do to get away from the house for a bit. You will be more valuable to your family if you take the much needed break. I am the worst person to do this but I do realize the need. When my all five of my babies were newborns I found just leaving for an hour or two gave me enough battery power to go another few hectic days (the longer you leave for an outting, the more you miss them and are ready to engage them again ha ha). Ditto for your husband...he needs to take a break too. You guys are very lucky that you can tag team. One of you can take the girls for a walk and let the other parent rest, sleep, catch up on a household task, etc. Realize that the messy house is messy because you spent valuable, wonderful, meaningful time with your daughters. You'll have plenty of time to clean it when they are in school in a couple of years :D (this is what I keep telling myself anyways ha ha). I am sure your world seems to be on full speed but remember that you will eventually get into a groove and things will settle. Your daughters have a FANTASTIC mom (and dad). I can see in the pictures that Sofie is fattening up...she looks great! You are doing a great job Katie!

Christine C.