Baby News

I'm feeling ready to get congrats' now on the baby. I think what it took was connecting with the midwife. She won't be the one to deliver this baby but she did reassure some of my fears of even being able to have a midwife and possibly.... a home birth.

Yup, I'm tentatively hoping for a home birth. Actually, a water birth to be more exact. I would love to have a water birth, whether that is at home or at the hospital. I think I would prefer a hospital water birth but hospitals in BC don't allow that... unless the woman was to refuse to get out of the tub... which I don't think would be to hard for me to do :) I might just be pretty good at being stubborn :) I'll be disappointed and scared if it ends with a c-section but as long as everyone is healthy I'll be fine with how ever it turns out.

She reassured me about being able to have a midwife even with having an over 40 BMI. The midwife group in the town that I live won't take women who have a BMI over 37 or 38. I was a little concerned that the group 20 min away would have a similar attitude. They were completely accepting and totally willing to be my midwife. If there are complications where they have to transfer care they can still, apparently, transfer care back post birth and assist with the post birth care of the baby and myself. It felt good to hear that is a possibility. Not sure how that would work out completely though.

They are going to do a little extra monitoring of me and the baby just to make sure the pregnancy is low risk. I will have three more ultra sounds to monitor the babies growth. Around 20 weeks, 29 weeks and 36 weeks. I think the ultra sound at 20 weeks will be at Women's Hospital. This has nothing to do with the midwife and everything to do with my sister's heart problems :) She was born with a pretty serious heart defect and my brother has a minor one too. When I had Livi they told me any future pregnancies should have their ultrasounds done at Women's, so they can do a fetal echo-cardiograph.

Jon and I, mostly me, are hoping to get one of those 3D ultrasounds done. We didn't get one for Livi because they were crazy expensive back then but they have come down in price a lot. I found a place for only $80. I think I can get Jon to spring for that :)

I'm convinced we are having a boy. With Livi I was terrified of having a son, but now I think I actually want one! I want a girl too. I can honestly say I will be ecstatic with either gender! We are going to find out the gender this time. We were surprised with Livi, chose with Sofie and are going to find out with our "boy". I will be really surprised if we have a girl :) I think we have our boy name too but Jon won't commit until we know for sure ... if you happen to remember our boy name from our last pregnancy it might be the exact same ;)

One More Week

We are moving in about a week. Thanks to my mother in law, I'm not overly stressed about the packing. We have a bit more to do, but it isn't overwhelming. I think nearly everything on the pre-move list is done except for changing our address at the post office. I'm excited!

I'm not excited that we have to take from our furniture budget and buy a new laptop. Sofie dumped an entire glass of milk flat on the keyboard and fried the wireless card. The good thing about it is I think I can convince Jon to get me a Macbook Pro for my birthday now... as long as I keep it far away from Sofie!

My first midwife appointment is coming up this week. I'm excited to actually connect with her and hope everything works out. I was asked, yesterday, about whether I wanted a boy or a girl. With Livi, I couldn't imagine having a boy and was even a little scared of the possibility. I needed to have a girl. I come from a family of girls. I am a girl. I don't know how to parent or even play with a little a boy. This time, while a girl would be in my comfort zone and a little cheaper to wear all the hand-me-downs of Livi and Sofie, I find myself kind of wanting a baby boy. Not sure what changed, but I think I just want the experience. I love the family grouping of "Daddy and his girls" but am starting to understand wanting a Daddy to have a son. I can honestly say that with this pregnancy I will be very happy and content with either gender.

With this pregnancy being so different from my first, I'm also starting to be convince that I am carrying a boy. Boys will mess you up... in the best way possible... I guess.

So, just a quick update. Not sure how much blogging I'll get in this week without a laptop to write on in the evenings. My phone is too small to blog on. I'm hoping to write after my midwife appointment though!

Take care and send peaceful, energetic thoughts and prayers my way this week!

Pregnancy

So, I guess I'm about 8 weeks now... I'm still having a bit of a rough time rapping my head around it but I am getting excited. I'm starting to think about whether it will be a boy or a girl. Wondering what it will be like to give birth again... hoping for as good as an experience as I had with Livi. Getting excited for the newborn cuddles, first smiles, first words, first steps, etc.

This pregnancy is NOTHING like my first pregnancy. I had next to no symptoms until well in to my second trimester. Just some sore boobs really. Everything is starting so much earlier this time. I had insomnia and heartburn from before I knew I was pregnant. I just thought it was because I was eating crappy. The fatigue has been debilitating. I'm hoping that this it is in part because of all the stress of the move. Although, I had insomnia with Livi, with children this time and insomnia now I'll probably be pretty tired the rest of my life! I have already had carpel tunnel symptoms in my wrists. That didn't start last time until almost the third trimester. I also have started with the nausea. I didn't have that at all with Livi and was hoping to skate by with out it this time too. Not so lucky. I thought it was just from the fatigue and stress at first, but today it was clear. I have some morning sickness. All day. I'm dizzy too. This kid must be a boy. Boys will mess you up! In a good way I guess :)

I never really thought pregnancy brain was a real thing either, until now. I have it BAD. I forget what I am doing, saying or eating in the middle of the activity. I don't get basic concepts (like our new mortgage) that have never been a problem for me before. I can't think straight. It is so frustrating.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to this move being over and finding out if all these symptoms are due to being pregnant or the stress of the move.

9 Months!

Sofie has been home for 9 months now! I know it's cliche but, where has the time gone? Sometimes it feels like she is still quite new but usually it feels like she has always been with us. She was born to be in our family, our daughter and Livi's sister. We love her so much.

 "What are you looking at punk?"

I don't usually think about it but sometimes I get so sad that we didn't get to her sooner. We know almost nothing for sure about her life in Bulgaria. She has a scar that isn't documented on any of her reports. It is a pretty deep and I hate that I don't know. She still has night mares. Much less then she used too but I'm sure they are built from memories of her past. I hate that she can't tell me about it. She has had a lot more behaviors in the last few weeks since I've been preoccupied with the move. She needs a lot of attention still and reassurance that we can meet her needs.

Enough about the hard stuff... This is a celebration post! 9 months home! She is doing amazing! She is looking plumper although still hanging out around 26 pounds but growing! (I'll update the actual number tomorrow.) She sang words at music this month! Kendra (her teacher) noticed too and beamed along with me. She helped me celebrate Mother's Day as a mom to two! Although I haven't noticed to many new solid words, some are getting much clearer. She does lack the confidence to use much speech in front of others. She generally saves it for when she is home. She had her first dental cleaning and did pretty good! She had her 4th birthday and first one with us! She is putting more things in her mouth. She has had two different textures in her mouth and liked it and even ate bark mulch today! Crazy land!

She is getting more adventurous too! Not sure that is a good thing... 

We love you Sofie! You are perfectly you and we are so thankful for you!

Mother's Day

Belated Mother's Day post...

Mother's day was just what I wanted... A quiet day with my family. Jon made me toast with butter and honey for breakfast. (My breakfast of choice lately). Then we all went to Birchwood Dairy for some sandwiches, ice cream, playtime and to check out all the new baby cows! I got a nap, did some solo grocery shopping and got a delicious basil and feta pasta for dinner!

Livi kept finding me flowers and rocks and giving them to me as a "surprise" for Mother's Day.

The one unwanted "pleasure" was coming home from grocery shopping to help Jon clean up Sofie who was caked in poop. You couldn't see her cheeks because it was so thick. It was all up her arms, in her hair and dried on to every rung of her crib. She must have been quietly playing in it for over an hour. It was epic.

We threw out the sheet.

I love my kids. Covered in poop and everything. I will remember this Mother's Day for a long time! I love being a mom!

Update

1. I'm 7 weeks pregnant tomorrow. Due December 30. That makes no sense to me but at least we have an actual due date. This baby is either a condom baby (and no, nothing broke) or Jon has some freakishly long lasting sperm.

2. Subject are removed on the house we are selling and the house we are buying. We have appliances and window coverings ordered. That was so much more stressful than I thought it was going to be but it is done!

3. Because we are moving on a Tuesday and have to be out by noon we are hiring a moving company. Hopefully it will be a lot less stressful since the professionals will be handling it!

4. My mom took me to Rock of Ages today. It was kind of awesome :) Not your typical musical :)

5. I loved my first Mother's Day Tea at Livi's preschool. It was so special. She made me a decorated picture frame. A perfect hour. Now she thinks Mother's Day has passed though and she doesn't think she has to do anything special for me tomorrow :)

6. My mother in law came over yesterday to help me start packing up. We got a lot done and it feels much less over whelming! Felt pretty blessed! She even hung around so Jon and I could go see the Avengers! Awesome movie by the way.

7. So much to do in the next 3 weeks. It is overwhelming. I need to help my mom to. How are we going to do all of it?

I'll try to remember to add pictures to this post later but right now, I'm to tired to move.

Supposed To Be Excited

So, I'm still having a bit of a hard time with this pregnancy thing. I had to tell my dentist I was pregnant today because he had to use some freezing. Him and the hygienist proceeded to talk about all the fun shopping I was going to get to do and how expensive the gear was. Meanwhile, I couldn't speak. I wasn't ready to hear all of that and be forced to think about it.

I know I'm supposed to be excited. A big, huge part of me really does feel so blessed. But, I'm a control freak. I don't do well with such a huge upset to "the plan". I'm annoyed that I have to be happy right now. I'm annoyed that I'm not excited yet. I will be happy, but I'm not right now. I'm annoyed. Why can't that be okay?

I know fertility is a hard topic for some people. I have many friends who have struggled and continue to struggle with fertility issues. I can't begin to understand the pain that goes along with wanting to feel a baby growing inside you and not being able to. But there is a flip side. Having an unplanned pregnancy can potentially be just as devastating. I'm not saying this is the case for me. I'm just wanting to put something in to perspective. Whether a pregnant woman chooses to keep, abort or put her baby up for adoption, her life is forever changed. Maybe being infertile is a blessing. An infertile mother may look at adoption as an option that they didn't see before. Adopting a child doesn't make her any less a mother. Maybe this is incredibly arrogant of me but I'm in an annoyed, hormonal, stressed state of mind. So have grace and maybe consider that infertility and an unplanned pregnancy are a little more similar than they first appear.

To add to my emotions relating to this pregnancy, there are a lot of unknowns with this pregnancy. I know the only possibility of getting pregnant last month was March 26th. Day 4 of my cycle. I understand that I didn't conceive that day but best case scenario, I still would have had to ovulate at least ten days early. My midwife was dating me by my last period and seemed fine to leave it at that. Knowing I was further along than that, I went to my doctor to order a dating ultra sound. I was scared that my midwife might let me go 4 weeks over due if it came to that, and I didn't want to be that kind of uncomfortable.

My doctor figures it is much more likely that the period I had was heavy spotting, or even miscarrying a twin, than a real period. It was a weird period, short with lots of spotting before and after. He figures I'm 11 weeks pregnant! How could I be almost done my first trimester and not even know it! I feel stupid. Unaware. I've put my baby in danger. This will be my last pregnancy and I missed a quarte of it!

There are things about being 11 weeks pregnant that makes sense to me and there are things about being 7 weeks pregnant that make sense. I'm confused. I won't get any definite answers for three more weeks when the ultra sound is scheduled. I'm trying to get in to the hospital earlier but I still haven't heard. My first midwife appointment isn't for three and a half weeks. I think I'll feel better about all this once I have some answers and I've connected with the midwife.

Give me another month... I'll get there.

Beautiful

Livi is beautiful.

 I know I am biased but I think it would be pretty hard for anyone to deny that statement :)

She is growing up faster than I'm ready for. When did she get so smart and mature? Seriously?!

She is ready to start reading. She pretends to figure out words and tells me what they say.

She is in love with the baby in my tummy. When we told her I was pregnant she got a big smile on her face, jumped up and screamed "I'm so excited!". Each morning she asks to check my phone app and watch the development video of "our baby". She is going to be one informed girl on pregnancy once this baby gets here.

 

She has an imaginary friend named Monster. He is blue and sometimes pink. She protects her from other monsters, reads her stories, plays with her, goes to school with her, need goodnight kisses from Mommy and Daddy too.

Livi is a free spirit. Stubborn. Passionate. Articulate. Empathetic. Helpful. Funny.

Imaginative. Smart. And of course Beautiful.