Feelings

I love my daughter more than I can put in to words. Livi is unbelievably wonderful. I am so happy being her mom and I am so ready to be a mom again. I feel like I have so much love to give to my second daughter but I can't let it all out yet. I have to reign it in because I don't have her and I fear something is going to keep her from me.

The weekends are the worst because I know that there is no chance of hearing anything from the agency about our court date. I ache to get word. I'm angry with the process. Why does it have to take so long? Sofie is just sitting there, hungry and unaware of what love feels like.

I'm tired of people asking about the adoption or telling me stories of people they know who have either had a wonderful successful adoption or had a terrible wait. I get just as annoyed if people don't ask about Sofie or talk about what we are going through. I understand it is my issues and no one can win on this point with me. Even though it all bugs me, it is always better to ask me about it and acknowledge my second child. Silence and avoidance is unbearable to me.

We obviously still haven't heard anything. I'm trying to hold off until Wednesday before emailing the agency again. 3 weeks ago they told us we should hear any day when our court date is and that court should be in June. Well, that was three weeks ago and mid June is a week and a half away. I don't know how to feel any more. I wish my will and love could just bring Sofie home but I am so guarded and afraid of over attaching myself in case something goes wrong in court.