Freaking Out A Bit

The evening after I told everyone that we are going ahead with an adoption I started freaking out. All the worries about the adoption process, our ability and readiness, finances, atatchment, health of the child, impact on Livi, impact on the child, the trials of her development, EVERYTHING! I still believe that adopting is the right thing for us and we did think and talk about all of these issues before deciding, but everything just seems to be flooding me the last few days.

My biggest concern, at this moment anyway, is the money. International adoption is SO expensive. How are we going to afford it? What have we committed to? We had wanted to buy a home before she comes in to our lives but I'm not so sure that is going to happen this year. We don't have enough equity in our condo to pay for a down payment for a house so I need to come to terms with staying here a little longer than I hoped. I miss having a yard. I was hoping that we would have one by the summer time so Livi play in it. Oh well. Financially it is a better idea if we wait... after all we are wanting to spend $25,000 this year! If we get "Maggy jr." earlier than we expect the girls will just have to get used to sharing a small room and I'll need to make an extra effort to get out of the house everyday.

Even though I am freaking out about the journey ahead I am so excited. I can't wait for the girls to start playing together, getting that first hug, and having her call me mommy for the first time (if she is verbal). Becoming parents again is going to be such a different experience than becoming parents to Livi. I can't wait to start it!